Things that don't get better

A good friend has just had total pPROM at 17 weeks. It is her third pregnancy, and the longest one so far. It came out of her fifth IVF cycle. She is 42. She is single and has been using donor sperm, and of course dealing with all the challenges without a partner.

The baby still has a heartbeat but the prognosis is awful as she has no fluid, not even a little tiny bit, so there is no way for the baby's lungs to develop unless the fluid starts pooling again. And it seems the menbranes have just gone - they could not even see them on the scan. And she is leaking fluid. So it's close to over. And she has that nightmare decision of whether to wait it out or agree with the common sense answer that this baby can't survive. The longer she waits, the more likely it is that she'd have to go through labour to deliver the baby if s/he does not survive. And she's not sure if that would be easier - to be able to see the baby and say goodbye - or to have a termination now.

She has chosen to wait and see, barring any infection or fetal demise, for at least a week. Having reviewed a lot of material in the last few 24 hours, and even having had this conversation with Kay of blessed memory when Alexa's waters broke at about 23 weeks, I want to have some hope but I really don't.

All over the world, every minute, this kind of bloody awful situation is happening to someone. The usual litany of 'it's not fair,' 'you can try again,' 'I'm so sorry,' are haunting her ears, as they've haunted the ears of this community.

I am gutted for her and resorting to research as the only help I can provide - she has supportive family around her. I am remembering last weekend when I sent her home with a package of pregnancy books and my favourite matenity clothes, the ones I had hoped to give to my sister in law.

My sister-in-law who is not yet pregnant after a year of trying; and the docs refuse to intervene because her test results, and my brother's, are so good. But she is 37 and has a history of sub-fertility given she tried for 4 years in her previous marriage to get pregnant. I want to shout at them to get into treatment, but they won't. They are confident it will probably happen without treatment based on what the docs said. And it might. But it might not.

Sometimes standing and watching - watching a dreadful loss happen just when you thought things might be ok; watching a potential train wreck without any ability to make it better - is enough to drive me insane.