Tomorrow I leave on my first business trip in about 9 months. Junior is 7 months old. I am still breastfeeding first thing in the morning, after his lunchtime nap, at bedtime, and through the night (more on that another time). I plan to give up the afternoon feed this week given that from the week after next I'll be back at work full time.
Dropping feeds has been hard, my boobs have felt pretty buzzy and I've had several leaks. While this makes me feel happy about my breastfeeding success, it is hard to be experiencing it just when I have to give up. I don't want to give up, but continuing to feed just isn't compatible with my work life. I am away tomorrow night and won't be home until after bedtime on Tuesday. I am supposed to be away again on Thursday night. And in mid-March I will be away for a full week - leaving Sunday, coming back Saturday morning (going to Toronto, anyone want to meet up? Aurelia?). While I can pump through a 36-hour absence, I'm not sure I can do so through a week - won't he simply forget how to feed in that time?
I am not ready to stop breastfeeding, and I really wish I wasn't going back to work so that I could keep going that bit longer. When he settles in for a feed, particularly the afternoon one where he's a little bit sleepy from his nap, I feel like I can really do this magical, but utterly basic, thing I've always dreamed of.
That March trip is just over 4 weeks away, so I'm not deciding today what to do then. What I do have to do is deal with my sadness at leaving him at all. Although I've left him for an evening, I haven't left for longer than a few hours, and it feels very sad that for two nights in a row he won't have me there at bedtime. Or that I won't have him. Or both. There all the niggly issues associated with being away. I had to buy a portable pump and it turns out Medela has changed its attachments for this new pump so my existing kit doesn't fit it. I need to dig around to find my passport, my adaptors, portable hair dryer, etc.. I don't know if I'll be able to get the hotel to freeze my icepacks, or if Zurich airport will let me transport the milk I pump. It's all irritating, all that little bit stressful. Not to mention that I actually have to turn my brain on to a different channel and start to engage with my colleague again. We will see how I cope. But mostly I'm not stressed about all of that, I'm just sad about leaving my baby for the first, and very definitely not the last time.
As you may remember, I stored up five days of milk (30 bags, I think), then I pumped over a five day trip to the UK when my son was 9 months old, and he went right back to nursing when I came back.
The most exciting part was the turbulence on the flight home. I was in the bathroom midflight and had just got set up and started pumping when I had to go back to my seat, then wait till the air settled, and try again. Adventures in breastfeeding.
Posted by: Girl Detective | Sunday, 07 February 2010 at 23:51
I would LOVE to meet up! Although I hope the dates work, we just booked a vacation in late March. Email me!
The pumping may go better than you think, although please go slow as you taper down the feeds. Lumps are no fun.
Do you have a battery operated option? I discovered that Westjet has no plugs anywhere, and I only brought the plug kind. That was a very very long flight. Oy.
Posted by: Aurelia | Monday, 08 February 2010 at 05:09
I hope it goes well, for all.
Bea
Posted by: Bea | Monday, 08 February 2010 at 11:18
Harry would go 2 or 3 weeks between feeds towards the end of our breastfeeding - albeit he was an awful lot older than Junior - and remember how to do it Just Fine. It's whether you & your boobs can hang in there, I suppose.
I'm sorry that your work is treading on your parenting desires for your last child: I know it can't realistically be otherwise, but I do share your sadness. It's a complicated old world.
Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family | Monday, 08 February 2010 at 11:45
I'm sorry that you have to go back to work in such an intense way so soon.
Just to give you hope, I stopped breastfeeding Eggbert for well over a month while I tried IVF in a vain attempt to get her a sibling. After the BFN, I offered her a boob, and she just looked at it suspiciously. The next day, she asked for it and went happily back to breastfeeding twice/day for the next six months. She was a bit older (16 months), but if anything, I'd think that would make her less likely to be willing to unwean than a 7-month-old. (Hard to say, though, she was totally boob-obsessed, so her behavior may not be typical.)
The bad news is that the real end of breastfeeding for us also came at the end of a six-day trip. I went back to Korea for six days in October, and didn't pump. When I got back, she breastfed one more time and that was it. I assume that it was a combination of no supply and being somewhat ready anyway (it was just a couple of weeks shy of her 2nd birthday).
Good luck, however it turns out. I'm glad that you at least got your breastfeeding moment in the sun, however brief. You worked so hard!
Posted by: Sara | Monday, 08 February 2010 at 15:00
Being away from your baby is tough, even without the added complication of BF.
I hope, at least, the trips turn out to be very productive.
Posted by: LutC | Monday, 08 February 2010 at 20:35
Oy... to achieve such success and be cut short is so bittersweet. I am glad though that it worked so much better for you this time.
I would LOVE to meet up in Toronto. I live only a short 40 minute drive away (although I have yet to meet Aurelia too!)
Posted by: Krista | Monday, 08 February 2010 at 21:11
Going back to work is hard - and to have the level of travel you do too makes it doubly hard. Sending lots of sympathy.
Posted by: Betty M | Tuesday, 09 February 2010 at 10:19
If you aren't ready to give up breastfeeding, maybe you can figure out a way to continue despite the travel.
I am in Toronto and would love to meet you and Aurelia for coffee or a drink or something.
Posted by: My Reality | Tuesday, 09 February 2010 at 14:45
It's amazing when breastfeeding falls into place isn't it? I always said I'd breastfeed for the first six months but it took me a long time to get the hang of it, so I think I'll be moving that date back...
Posted by: YoungMummy | Thursday, 11 February 2010 at 22:57
I had to travel for almost a week when BabyA was only four months-sucked more than I thought possible. If you are happy with the nursing, I guess that I would advocate that you keep going. Pumping while traveling isn't always pretty, but even if you can't bring it back (US TSA didn't give me any grief about it, surprisingly enough), you can still keep your supply up. Does it add to the stress of traveling? Yep, sure does. But when I was pumping I would think about them, and how great it would be when I could get back to them. It helped, in a weird way. If you're not ready, then don't give it up-maybe you cut back (if you can't pump at work) to those feedings that you can be there for. You worked WAAAYY too hard for this, and you deserve to enjoy it as long as you both want it.
On a completely different note, I second the recommendation that you make sure that you have a battery pack available for the flight. The plug in the bathroom of my Northwest (now Delta) flight didn't work, and three plus hours when I had a four month old level supply? Yikes. Never thought that I would send up a prayer thanking God for the invention of AAs.
Good luck!
Posted by: Jennifer | Tuesday, 16 February 2010 at 22:15