9dp2dt: Ignoring reality

Thanks for the comments on Friday's post. I started to write a post and ended up writing that paragraph, then realised I really couldn't go on. A paracetamol from a colleague helped (paracetamol is ok, right?). And now I've had two decent nights' sleep as H kindly took the night shift both Friday and Saturday nights. Friday she slept through but last night she was up from 2230-midnight or so, so I did well to avoid that.

So I'm doing ok, and we've had two reasonably relaxing weekend days. Yesterday we wandered nearish to our house and Pob had a lovely time in the playground, trying desparately to go head first down the slide, although we stopped her every time. She is a climbing demon and always tries to go UP the slide, and no matter how hard it is, she keeps on persevering. Today we went down to Borough Market, one of London's foodie destinations, to try and take part in the Apple Day festivities. I am well known for being an apple addict. Sadly the crowds and the rain made this no fun for babies, and not much fun for grown-ups, so we had a nice lunch instead, then Pob slept while we wanted round the Rothko at Tate Modern. When she woke we took her to investigate the massive 2058 sculpture installation which she loved.

So it's been a good weekend. Tonight I have to work, and I leave on Tuesday for a business trip which means I won't see her from then until Friday morning. That feels like a very long time. It also means I will miss my blood test, which is oficially Weds morning. What I'll do is sneak in on Tuesday and they'll complain and do it anyway. I might as well get it over with, even though I'm feeling pretty negative right now (haha funny). I am not convinced it hasn't worked, but fairly sure. I haven't peed on a stick yet because I can't see the point, really. I've had none of the stretching and cramps of my previous three pregnancies, and although I sort of think that the full-term pregnancy with Pob might have disrupted that previously dead-on signal of pregnancy, I also have never had a pregnancy without that early symptom, hence my general negativity.  We'll see. Only two sleeps until I find out. It'll be hard not to be able to hug Pob that night to make me feel better, but no doubt I'll survive, I always do. We always do.

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Otherwise: My husband is unemployed. He has been for the last nine months. He is making less-than-half-assed attempts to get a job, and of course things are just getting harder. It has been driving me crazy for at least the last three months given he isn't doing childcare either. There you go, I've typed it. I've been avoiding it because I've been in denial for most of this period, scared of what I'll feel when I open it up. This I hope will mean I will finally write the post that I need to to get some of the frustration out of my system. But not now. Now it's time to go and give Pob her bottle.

Comments

[Jenn]

I've got everything crossed that things start looking up soon.

[Hairy Farmer Family]

Harry hurls himself headfirst down slides on his belly. He doesn't have many gross-motor party tricks - aside from being the wobbliest weeble ever - but the slide bravery draws admiring gasps. Kids have No Fear.

Fingers still very much crossed here for some good news on Tuesday. Crossed hard.

It's difficult to vent-post about your nearest and dearest, isn't it? I haven't got the hang of it yet. Hubby is a blog reader - not an avid one, but still. Tricky.

[Flicka]

I wondered the same thing as you about whether or not a previous full-term pregnancy would ahve changed any of your early signals. I'm hoping hard that it has and that you've got a glorious positive on the way.

I'm not sure what to say about H. I hope a good job lands itself squarely in his lap and that things get better soon. You've had enough rough times lately.

[Kath]

Dear Thalia, it's good to hear you're feeling a bit more rested -- I was getting worried about you. Your weekend sounds like just what the doctor ordered.

I, too, am hoping that the pregnancy with Pob has reset your body's signals, and that you will get fantastic news on Tuesday. It's sad that, either way, you won't have your family there to share the news with. May your trip be an effective distraction from four long days of Pob-lessness.

I'm so sorry to hear about H's unemployment. That must be really hard for and on both of you. And it must have been really hard to write. I hope everything resolves itself soon. XO

[carrie]

FWIW I got the pulling sensations when I was first pregnant but haven't had them on the last two pregnancies after my 16 week pregnancy. I assume the stretching involved in getting to the 2nd tri means early pg just isn't the same? Ok, so this isn't very scientific, just saying..

I'm sorry about the situation with your husband. It sounds a very frustrating position to be in.

[Geohde]

Sorry about your hubby's unemployment.

And fwiw, I'm frequently as frustrated as hell at mine when he simply doesn't see that I cop the vast majority (read all) of the shitty unglamarous chores and the sleep deprivation while he comes home, changes a token nappy and plays with the tiny tyrants...and calls himself hands-on.

Men!

J

[katie]

I know my (also currently out of paid work) husband doesn't do NOTHING all day but I still feel like he should do more. Sympathies.

[Aurelia]

Pregnancy has always changed my body, and every pregnancy is different. Just me maybe, but who knows?

I'm sorry about H. I have to say that if he isn't working, he should be doing more for the house and childcare...I know that's what my husband and I have done whenever I've been off work. Funny how it's always different for a man, eh?

In this economy I'm not surprised that it's difficult to find employment, but hopefully it will change soon. And in the meantime, maybe you two need to talk heart to heart?

[Lori]

I'm really sorry about H being unemployed. J was unemployed for a number of months when we first got married. It made for an extremely tense time (and that was obviously before the kiddos arrived). I hope you are able to talk honestly to each other during this period and that you'll come out stronger on the other side.
I will be hoping for some good news this week!

[another karen]

so sorry - i've been offline for a few days and seem to have missed several posts/topics. bottom line is - i'm thinking of you.

hoping (really hoping...) for good news on tuesday, hoping for a quick and easy trip for you, and hoping for smoother days for you and H. you're absolutely right (at least in my experience) that just getting it off your chest will help in so many ways. everyone's story/situation is different, but heaven knows every marriage go through its "phases."

wishing you peace and good luck on all fronts,
karen

[nikole]

I too am hoping that Pob stretching everything out has just changed your early signs. I'll be keeping fingers and toes crossed for good news.

So sorry to hear about H's unemployment - that sounds like a tough situation all around. I hope its all worked out very soon.

Thinking of you.

[Nico]

I also had early cramping (7dpo on) with my first pg and what I think was a chemical, and then not until 13dpo with Fwed. So you never know...

I think we all have frustrations with our sig others for one reason or another - I would love a little kick in the ass pill to help get them in gear!

[Jill]

We've experienced my husband being unemployed a few times, and let me tell you, it isn't pretty. Work is so much of who they are that when they aren't working, they lose a part of themselves, and they don't know what to do. Depression and low self-esteem settle in quickly, and then it is hard to look for a job. Just because he isn't looking, don't think it doesn't consume his thoughts. I helped my husband set goals of how many hours a day he would work on job hunting, or how many resumes he would send out, or whatever. But that way he could work on that and then leave it alone and de-stress.

As for childcare, you don't say if you have talked about it, but I have found that sometimes it just doesn't occur to them to pitch in until we ask. If you have asked, I'm sorry.

[louise]

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's job loss :-( We are in the same boat at the moment, and it is NOT fun. At all. Hope things will be looking up soon.

[PBfish]

Holy Crap!!! I just tuned in to read both of these posts, so I'm consolidating comments. I'm thrilled for the + on pregnancy test! But also very sad about your husband's job situation. It's very difficult to deal with the inertia of others-very stressful.
Good luck on the blood test. !!

[marie baguette]

So sorry about your hubby. I liked what color is your parachute
http://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2008/dp/1580088678
the main concept is that looking for a job is a full time 9 to 5 job. You need to talk with hubby. My husband lost his job at some point and went deep into a depression AND I DID NOT SEE IT. I would come back home on the evenings and just think he was lazy. He told me much latter he would spend his days in bed, getting up only shortly before I arrived. Make sure he is OK and discuss a plan of action. Good luck