It is ironic, or just sucky, that my period started while I was changing Pob's nappy this morning? Probably just a bit sucky - or rather, not as sucky since here I was, being reminded of the extraordinary blessing that is Pob, at the same time as being reminded that giving Pob a sibling isn't going to be as easy as I had hoped. Thoughts on secondary infertility will be forthcoming when I've got the time to think them through.
I really really really don't want to do this IVF cycle. I'm not convinced that at 41 there's much chance of it being successful - which is silly as I am as hopeful as all get-out every month that we try on our own. My brain is obviously unconvinced by the stats. Because the stats for previous IVF tries aren't bad - I got pregnant on one out of our three fresh cycles, albeit only for 8 weeks, and on the one and only frozen cycle, albeit for about 5 minutes. This will be the first IVF cycle where I haven't been over-suppressed first, so I'm hoping I might get to stim for less than 15 days - my previous average. I think at my age we should be delighted if we get four or so eggs. But no doubt I'll feel like an under-achiever if it's anything less than 6 - our previous lowest number. And I'm trying not to obsess now about the possibility that we won't get any at all - which has to be a real possibility again given the presumed decrepitness of my ovaries at this point.
The clinic has been called, the drugs are ready to go tomorrow morning, we're back on that particular train. I need to find time to go in and update my hepatitis and HIV status, and should probably book a smear, too, since I haven't had one for three years (three years is the usual timing in the UK). Oh joy!
Ugh. I'm sorry that you didn't get lucky this month. You are just a few months ahead of me in this trying for #2 thing, and I can totally relate to being hopeful about natural conception, but very anxious about trying IVF again (even though my one and only pregnancy was with IVF). That totally makes emotional sense to me, even if it's illogical.
Good luck hon! Hopefully your "old" ovaries still have a few nice tricks up their sleeves.
Posted by: Sara | Tuesday, 15 July 2008 at 14:24
Good luck :)
Posted by: Jenn | Tuesday, 15 July 2008 at 14:33
Probably a lot of your feelings come from the fact that Pob was from a natural cycle so you know that it can happen.
I'm interested to read your thoughts on secondary infertility. I'm planning to jump back on the IVF bandwagon in January and I'm not looking forward to it either... but I know it is a necessary evil.
Posted by: Jamie | Tuesday, 15 July 2008 at 15:59
Sorry that you didn't get to avoid the IVF cycle. I have always try to focus on quality rather than quantity as quantity has never been on my side.
Posted by: Betty M | Tuesday, 15 July 2008 at 19:29
I don't envy you this train ride . . . but I sure hope you reach the desired destination!!
Posted by: beagle | Tuesday, 15 July 2008 at 20:08
Sending good thoughts as you begin this upcoming cycle. I'm sorry that you are back on the train, but glad that you decided to get on sooner than later. xx
Posted by: Kay/H | Tuesday, 15 July 2008 at 20:27
I'm sorry that your period showed up. I was hoping for another miracle for you. Now I'm hoping that this cycle is all you'll need.
Posted by: Flicka | Wednesday, 16 July 2008 at 00:08
Thalia, this just may work. One never knows in this tesious game. I'm routing for you.
Posted by: annmarie | Wednesday, 16 July 2008 at 01:34
Sorry about the crimson bitch. I'm hoping this cycle goes well, the non-suppression helps, and you do get another miracle as a result!
Posted by: Nico | Wednesday, 16 July 2008 at 02:45
Argh - sorry to hear that the witch showed up and that it looks like IVF is on the horizon. I don't at all think 41 is too old though so get that out of your head right now.
Posted by: Amyesq | Wednesday, 16 July 2008 at 03:00
Good luck, T...I'll be keeping you in my thoughts....
Posted by: Lynnette | Wednesday, 16 July 2008 at 20:06
I'm so sorry that this month wasn't a goer for you. I know it's hard starting another cycle when you're just not hopeful about the results. I was also a stim-hardcase! And although I'd really love to instruct you in stern fashion not to dwell on the whole 41/6 eggs thing, I know very well that I would be so much worse and absolutely obsess over it - intellectualisation be damned! - so I won't be so hypocritical! I'll just wish you the very best of British luck, and keep my fingers tightly crossed for you again.
Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family | Wednesday, 16 July 2008 at 22:29
We're 6 yrs into our 2ndary if journey... and it's hard. I can't imagine though coupling it with being 41 (though people always tel;l me, you're only 31- you have time, and I hate that.)
I wish you the best... I really do.
Posted by: Mel | Wednesday, 16 July 2008 at 22:51
Oof. Crossing all bits for you. At least getting your period means you know you're good to go...
Posted by: Anne | Thursday, 17 July 2008 at 03:29
sending lots of good wishes ... best of luck & all that.
Posted by: LEB | Thursday, 17 July 2008 at 14:24
Well you know that I'm optimistic...cause if my ovaries can put out, anyone's can. Seriously.
Posted by: Aurelia | Thursday, 17 July 2008 at 23:40
I guess it all comes flooding back, huh? Good luck.
Bea
Posted by: Bea | Saturday, 19 July 2008 at 04:04
That's always the way, isn't it? I'm sorry you have to travel down this shitty road. Good luck to you.
Posted by: Kristi | Saturday, 19 July 2008 at 16:39
Good luck. It may well not suck. Hopefully. Fingers crossed.
Posted by: May | Saturday, 19 July 2008 at 21:45