Blogging, or lack thereof

I'm really doing rubbish at posting. I'm doing great at writing long posts in my head. Just last night, between 0130 and 0330, when Pob and I were both up, I wrote several posts. One about sleep and my increasing desperation. One about the US democratic nominee. One about a recent UK TV programme about childhood. One about sleep again. One about Pob's development. One about food, my weight, my body, my lack of exercise. Another one about sleep.

Yes, none of them sound particularly interesting, do they? Not surprising since my brain is pretty mushy these days. I simply can't remember words any more. Took me a while to call up the word 'oblivious' last night at dinner. I said 'obtuse' instead. Which really doesn't mean the same thing, but at least shows my brain works at some level since it got the first letter right. I was with a friend who is in the middle of a bad love situation. It's really bad love. It's been bad love for a while and I wish it was over but she says he is the love of her life despite the fact he is never going to be there for her in the way she deserves, so she keeps on plodding on. She is a very loyal person. We've been friends for 22 years now so I think I can say that with some authority. We've all given up being anything other than quietly supportive, but it's hard sometimes not to rant and rave about how she needs to look after herself.

I won't go on about the sleeping, but I will say that I am now utterly conflicted about what philosophy to follow.  I find it inherently hard to believe it's 'good' for my baby to be left to cry for any length of time, or that she needs to learn that we won't come in the night when she cries. But also I do really need to sleep - H and I both do - and taking her into bed with us - the sure fire way to get her back to sleep with minimal pain - only results in one or both of us not sleeping as we curl around Pob and she periodically bashes us in the face or offers us her dummy. So I dunno what to do. It's been 4 months since she's slept through the night (and when I say that, what I mean is from 11pm or so til 7 or so). I'm very tired.

Aside from the sleeping at night, she is beyond wonderful.

Comments

[Joy]

She is beyond adorable.

[Lori]

Sorry about the sleep thing. It will get better.

Pob is absolutely adorable!!!

[BrooklynGirl]

The sleep stuff is so stressful. For me, I came to believe that the damage we were doing with sleep deprivation was worse than that we'd do with CIO, but (irony of ironies) when we finally did CIO, it didn't really work--a result of our own lack of fortitude, no doubt, but there you go.

She's gorgeous.

[Girl Detective]

P.S. Recommended: Solve your Child's sleep problems by Ferber, Sleeping through the night by Mindell, and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. Ferber and Mindell are sleep scientist/doctors.l

Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution is worthless, in my experience.

Also, in my experience, sleeping is a skill; once my kids learned it, we were all a lot happier. Now if only we could stop being plagued by viruses.

[Girl Detective]

My first post got eaten. Holy cats, is she cute. When my first was 4mo, I said, "I'll never let him cry it out; that's cruel." When he was 6mo and I was back at work, I was delirious with lack of sleep. We used the Ferber book with periodic reassurances, and it worked like a charm. Then with my 2nd, at about 4m he got worse with sleeping, so I did the same thing right away. Now they're both good sleepers, barring teeth and viruses, which sadly have been frequent of late.

[amanda]

Aw, she's a cutie.

I hear ya on the sleep thing. Adam is almost 17 months and still gets up three times a night. It's so much better than it used to be, though. And we do co-sleep. That's the only way either of us gets any sleep.

I figure he'll sleep through the night one of these years, right? I hear teenagers like to sleep a lot.

[lucky2]

OMG - she is so adorable!!!

The only book I found that I liked was Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. Still didn't solve all of our sleep problems, but I also ran to her whenever I heard a peep (oops). I can finally say that now she is a great sleeper -- at 23 months! :)

[Lynnette]

Gosh! What a pretty little girl! (and that about does it for my comment, because I too, am mushy and pretty much incoherent, these days...lol...hence not a lot of blogging from me anymore, either)

[Jenn]

I think you just do what you have to do for both yourself and your kid. Some kids CIO just great, some don't. William NEEDED to be left alone to fuss/cry a little before going to sleep or he just wouldn't sleep. Nick got more worked up if he was left to cry and made thing worse. There is no one answer. Moxie has a lot of good info on her site.

[Jenn]

And, man, is she cute! I see a lot of you in her.

[My Reality]

She is absolutely beautiful!

[marie baguette]

Max only started to sleep through the night again (he is nearing 10 months). I think he went through a long period of teething, which followed closely a period during which he kept getting stuck on his belly. I stay do whatever works for you, but being sleep deprived is tough. I tried the letting him scream but it was just awful and just thinking about it I feel wretched. Ask Moxie says some kids can scream and fall asleep while others just get more desperate.
Pob is very very cute!

[another karen]

with the exception of the friend situation, i could have written this post (albeit nowhere near as eloquently as you did)! my little one is 10.5 months old and we are currently in the throws of trying to figure out "how" to get her to sleep through the night. we head home tomorrow from a 2 week trip overseas and promised ourselves we would address the sleep issues full on when we returned home (figuring it was pointless to do anything in advance given the jetlag, change in envirnoment, etc. that she would face on the journey).

but here we are, 24 hours from heading back and we STILL have no idea what to do. the week before we left home, i pretty much reached my breaking point (for all intents and purposes, i have not had a single, good nights sleep in a year now). we agreed then that we would go with ferber's cio upon our return. at the time, i was much more in favor of it than my husband, who was willing to "go along" with it primarily in an attmept to try and salvage my sanity. but now, here, on the brink of having to go through it, i find myself faltering. i'm pretty sure i have one of those babies moxie talks about who gets more worked up when left to cry alone. but i simply don't know what else to do anymore. we have tried everything else. we just do NOT seem to be able to get this otherwise perfect, wonderful, happy, charming, little girl to SLEEP through the night. the most we ever seem to manage is a 4 hour stretch.

so, it seems i have gone on and on forever only to add absolutely nothing of worth. hoping to learn and gain strength from your experiences and advisers here. thanks so much for always sharing.

pleasant dreams,
karen

[Betty M]

She is a total cutie and I love her hat!

On sleep I have to say I went for the co-sleeping option if Z woke in the night as I was too tired to do any form of training in the middle of the night. It just got better all by itself around 9 months and he suddenly just slept straight through. I have a heap of sleep books we bought when L was little - all hopeless in my view.

The mush goes - honest.

[luolin]

Good luck with everything. I've been there with the inability to remember words, among other things.

[MsPrufrock]

As I scrolled down and saw what looked to be a photo, I was thrilled. It's been awhile since a Pob photo, hasn't it? She is positively divine and beyond cute.

I hope the sleep thing gets better soon. It's amazing how much it can affect you.

[Lut C.]

Oh no, they can suddenly stop sleeping through the night again!
I better start paying attention to the sleep posts I'm reading left and right. Hope you find a strategy that works!

What an adorable picture of your girl! She's lovely.

Seeing your friend suffer, and ask for more, that must be difficult. :-S

[Simone]

She is just lovely!

[Portlairge]

Thalia, POB is adorably cute. I'm sorry about the sleep issue, that must be so hard. I hope it gets better soon, whatever you decide to do.

[PBfish]

Well, does it help to know that you are not alone with the dysfunctional sleep thing? We're still in it, smack dab in the middle of the 18 month sleep regression. Z has slept through the night just a handful of times so far.
I can tell you that my coworker who has had 4 children says that she never did CIO with any of them. Some were crappy sleepers and some were good sleepers, but they all sleep through the night now.
That's what I'm clinging to anyway...

[mm]

Not all babies are cute. Some are downright fugly, in fact. Yours is beautiful. But you knew that! Good luck with the sleep stuff.

[OvaGirl]

she is gorgeous!

re the sleep thalia, hang in there...the whole sleep thing is different from kid to kid but the one thing that seems to fit is that it always changes...babies who sleep through early on suddenly wake at 2am night after night, others seem to settle...there's often no rhyme or reason. you might find as the weather gets colder that she snuggles down and sleeps longer, or just as she gets older. letting her cry it out may or may not have an effect... it's hard no doubt about that...

[Aurelia]

Well, I joke that I haven't had eight straight hours of sleep in 13 years, so you may not want my advice....;)

CIO never worked for us because each illness undid the training and we just had to redo it all over again.

Plus my kids were very sensitive to their surroundings so every bit of sound and light woke them up. Every upstairs window in my home was covered in BBQ foil for years to keep every sliver of light out, and I once threatened to kill someone if their dog didn't stop barking.

Things that did work, included devotion to a schedule, no exceptions, no changes, ever. And instead of taking the baby into our bed, I stayed in the room with the baby, in the dark, and sat in a chair beside the crib patting, soothing etc. but not picking up, even if they got fussy or angry or cried. He knew I was there and was not abandoning him but he also knew that I wasn't giving in to him and letting him have party time.

Each time, after a week or so, both of them gave up and just decided to go back to sleep and not bother waking up.

Hope it helps...she really is cute.

[electriclady]

Oh my goodness, she is BEAUTIFUL!

I hear you on the sleep thing. We had to call a moratorium on bringing her to bed with us because we were both sleeping so terribly that way, but it means a lot more time spent getting her back down. And I'm in the same place you are re: CIO. Of course now we're heading into the uncharted waters of 18 month sleep regression so I'm loath to try anything right now lest it blow up in my face.

[Motel Manager]

She's so gorgeous! And could she teach my son to hold the sippy cup instead of throwing it on the ground? I'll pay her a generous consulting fee.

[Hairy Farmer Family]

Oh blimey. Sounds so very familiar. Except that I wanted to co-sleep but couldn't, because Harry was prem, IUGR and errm, male, obviously. Highest possible SIDS risk group. Everytime we progress a little, his seemingly indemic viral infection flares up and puts us straight back to night feeds and cuddling.

Vocab amnesia's a total bugger. Strikes whenever I strive towards words of more than 2 syllables. You're not alone. Once upon a time, I Knew Stuff.

And offering you the dummy? I die of cute!

[Tinker]

Oh Thalia, she is perfectly adorable!

It's not encouraging, but when our first son started teething at five months we (I) started taking him into bed with us. We never (ever!) got him to sleep in his crib again despite repeated efforts and a fair bit of CIO. He was a wild sleeper like POB too, so I know exactly how you're feeling.

We ultimately brought his twin mattress into our room on the floor next to my side of the bed and put him there. Over the course of months the mattress found its way back to his room and eventually onto his bed (with a gate). He's been there since.

[Clover]

I so hear you about writing posts in your head- do it all the time. And its amazing how few of them make it to the page. I wish I could dictate my posts- then I'd post like 5 a day.
I totally hear you on the sleep thing. Every time I think its getting a little better, something happens (like an ear infection), and we slide back into that dark place of waking up 5-6 times a night (2-3 times per kid usually, although this weekend it was 6 times for one, thank goodness the other one slept through).

[Summer]

Ooh, she is precious! Thanks for sharing!

[May]

Pob is beautiful! Go to sleep, beautiful child, go to sleep!

Thank you for your kind thoughts on my blog.

[Bea]

She looks like a proper little English rose. When she's not awake crying at night.

Bea

[Helen]

Pob is perfect. She must be a daily joy to you.

I have the same loss of words going on that you do. I can't think of words I want to use, and when I do I come out with the wrong ones. Constantly. And suddenly I'm stuttering. So I totally understand the frustration you have on it. If you come across a cure, let me know. In the meantime I'm just going to keep confusing people.

[zarqa]

Oh she's a beauty alright! Is that a sling attached to the chair you have her in? Never seen anything like it - nifty idea!

As for sleep, although I acquired plenty anxiety about it, don't really feel qualified to complain as our cub has been sleeping through the night (8 hrs) since 6 months, and then *really* sleeping through the night (11 hrs) since 8 months, independently in her own room and crib. I had every intention of cosleeping at least until she turned one but she was the one who wouldn't have it. My snoring & tossing and turning was too much for her I think.

I can't say I ever practiced CIO. I just always allowed her a couple minutes to settle herself. And she usually does. When she doesn't I know she won't and needs my help, which entails rocking, holding. I've read that even rocking is inhibiting to independence-building. And sometimes Miss Independent will wiggle in my arms as if to say "enough with the rocking, put me down already". But holding her to sleep is one of the most joyous joys of motherhood for me so I keep doing it. Sleep issues tend to get us so wound up that we miss out on the little joys. Until recently I was rendered too anxious to check in on her sleeping lest I wake her up. But watching her sleep? Oh, the heart quivers.

[Ms. C]

What a delish photo. Pob is so BIG! (Where have I BEEN??!!)
I have remedies for the sleep issues. Sorry... I wish there was an easy fix.
And I hear you about the composing of various posts while up at night. If only we could figure out how to think and have the posts type themselves... (Not that they would be interesting or coherent!)

[beagle]

She is beautiful . . . a doll!