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Friday, 22 February 2008


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And especially, the benefit to her of having a happy, fulfilled mother. Honestly, I think working from home as long as I did without any childcare help wasn't in my son's best interest. I'm a much happier mom now that I'm working out of the home part-time, and that's truly better for my kids as well.


Hire the nanny full-time and tell her that on the day you are at home, that's a day for cleaning house and laundry while you spend the day with Pob. Especially since it's a day that will move around, and g-d forbid that stupid work calls you in the middle of the day and needs to talk to you, you will want to have someone to entertain Pob for 15 minutes so she doesn't cry in the client's ear. Better to spend your day together as a mommy and baby than her watching you scrub stuff. If you can afford it, do it.

Pob will soon learn to cry whenever the phone rings, like Pavlov, and possibly throw your blackberry in the toilet. But that's the same as my kids hating anything I like and not a judgement on work as an issue.

But no she will not be depressed when you go back to work, as long as there is some routine, some predictability, and she can hear you on the phone, or see you on the video monitor of the Mac. Kids this age are much better at mommy going to work than at 18 months or 2 or 3 in my experience. And yes, if for no other reason than to prevent mastitis, keep pumping a little when you go back and gradually slow down.


I can see how difficult this must be for you.
I hope you manage to find a solution that gives you peace.

Carla Hinkle

By all means hire someone full time, especially if your day off might move around a bit. Trying to find someone to watch her if you suddenly have to work on a day off would be stressful and difficult (take it from someone who has been there, done that).

Childcare for these baby years is an absolute money-pit, no question about it. Just about my entire salary goes to the nanny (though I only spend about half the nanny's hours on actual work -- the other half on errands, paperwork, dentist, etc).

What I thought about when I went back to work after my 1st was that "I can always quit." If you have that luxury (which it sounds like you do, though with some adjustments), then just go into it with an open mind and see what happens. Good luck! Besides, it's still 2.5 months away ...


It's hard. Really, really hard. I still wonder if I'm doing the right thing by working, but I know that I enjoy work and am in an industry which is difficult to re-enter once you leave. I wish that I could work part-time, but it's just not in the cards.


Tough choices. Good luck with your decisions.


Girl Detective

Don't quit your day job, especially because it does so much for you. My father is fond of saying "everything is a compromise" I always found this doleful when I was growing up, but I get it now that I'm a parent, too. I think hiring a nanny full time is a very good idea, especially as you're hoping to for a sib for pob, and because you have a job that isn't 9 to 5. Try to keep doing the things that enrich you--breastfeeding, working, and spending happy times with pob. And a FT nanny (who will be easier to find and hold than a PT one) will most likely help you with the latter.


Going back to work is one of the hardest thing a mother ever have to do. And it is normal to feel all the feelings you are feeling. And I think you should try keeping up with the breastmilk. When I went back to work, I didn't think it was possible too, but I was able to pump at work for 3 more months..so you just never know how it will be until you are in the situation. And the nanny--it is so difficult to find someone you like and trust to be with your child-but eventually you will--and don't worry if you are not ready yet-you will get there and things will fall into to place.


I hate leaving my son to work, hate it. I can understand how you are feeling. Good luck with finding a nanny.


I found that going back makes me much more patient when I am with my daughter. I appreciate her far more, and at the same time, I'm more able to tolerate work not going well, because I KNOW what's really important, and my happiness doesn't depend on success at work.


I found that going back makes me much more patient when I am with my daughter. I appreciate her far more, and at the same time, I'm more able to tolerate work not going well, because I KNOW what's really important, and my happiness doesn't depend on success at work.


I don't know your situation completely, and I'm sure you know all of the options available to you, I just wanted to send you a hug and say that I know that whatever decision you make is tough. Sometimes? It sucks to be a Mommy. Sometimes getting pulled in 18 different directions tears you apart inside.

Hang in there.

Lettuce Hater

here is every modern mother's dilemma

i totally know where you're coming from...in my case i've been fortunate enough to have four years at home with my twins and am now turning my mind to paid work (possibly i should have done so earlier as i've been increasingly frustrated with full-time SAHM-hood)

btw, i'm sure this will become evident from your interviews, but i disagree with your second commenter: a properly qualified nanny will balk at the idea of housework (sadly!)


I agree with the people above that, if possible, it makes sense to hire someone full time who can be an extra set of hands on the day you're home. That way, when Pob is napping you can run out to do errands or you'll have someone to mind her if you need to take a conf call or something like that. Also, there's some value in being around to see how they interact, I think. I really hope you're able to find someone good, and I'm glad you're starting early.


For whatever it's worth, I had major supply problems that I never fully overcame. Yet, I am still b/f'ing, and enjoying doing so, at 11 months -- I have been working 30 hours/week since DS was 4 months. Often our feeds are just first thing in the morning and last at night, and I thought my supply would vanish, but it hasn't. So you may do better than you would think -- if not at remaining an EBFer (which it sounds like you are not planning to continue once working?), then at continuing as long as you and POB want.

I don't know what to tell you about the nanny. I started back very part time at 2 months and to be honest enjoyed the few hours away from my DS and the relative freedom of not having to cart baby + gear with me -- plus work is clearly defined and has an end time. But, I am able to work part time and that has made a huge difference (I think) to how I feel about this. Good luck finding an arrangement that works for you.


A very hard decision indeed.... I took the other road and stayed home with my two full-time. I have loved and savored every minute of it and have no regrets. I can work the rest of my life, but those first few years are so precious and you never get them back. Good luck!

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