Feeding, part one million and two

The feeding has been going pretty well, with a few blips. We're breast feeding, then supplementing while I pump at each feed. Just before Christmas I weighed Pob and found out she'd lost 200 grams (approx 7oz) over the last week, so we went on a feed-Pob-up binge, offering her 150mls after each breast feed to see how much she'd take. H would force feed her at night to make sure she got a big feed, and when we got back from the country we found she'd gained 750 grams in a week. Which I think means that the measurement the day I found she'd lost weight was probably off as I think it's close to impossible for her to have gained that much in a week. But it's all good as it meant she is back on the curve and I don't have to freak out (again). Since then she's been steadily gaining 100-200 grammes a week, and taking anywhere between 50 and 120 mls after each feed.

I've started to really enjoy the breast feeding itself. While we were away over New Year, and then a few times since, she has woken up early a few times, and I have taken to bringing her into bed with me and dozing while she feeds for an hour or so. These have been very much the kind of calm, loving, affectionate breastfeeding experiences that I'd really wanted. I'm so very glad I persevered with this, even though it continues to be a pain in the arse, and to massively restrict my movements with her. My friends ask why don't I stop pumping, and just breast feed and supplement with formula, but (i) I'd rather she got breastmilk if possible and (ii) I'm not sure I'd have enough milk for her to tolerate breastfeeding without the additional stimulation of pumping.

The pumping was going pretty well, such that we were only on formula for one feed every 3-4 days. I stopped taking any supplements before Christmas as I couldn't see what effect they were having. I started again in early January, but didn't see any impact so I've now stopped and am fairly sure I won't go back to them. I am still on Domperidone and will start to taper off it once I decide how much longer I'll persevere with feeding.

I say 'was going' above because it's been a bit of a crappy few days with the pump - my supply dropped about 20% from what I was pumping over the Christmas break. Not really sure why. This was then compounded by my rented Medela Symphony breaking on Sunday night, so I had to go back to first the Lactina I still had (rental, hadn't returned it yet, have now) and then the Pump in Style while I waited for a replacement. All I can say is ouch. My nipples may never forgive me, that Pump in Style is tough. Once I got the replacement Symphony going today I could barely feel it compared to the irriration of the Pump in Style. If you're finding this post while deciding what pump to use, all I can say is, shell out for the Symphony, and goodness knows don't bother with a Lactina. At least a Pump in Style is portable, the Lactina in my experience purports to be 'hospital grade' but gives less stimulation than the Pump in Style.

The fact that the feeding has been going well, and has become quite enjoyable, means it's hard to stop. I always thought I would stop before I went back to work, and I've decided to return to work at the end of April, in three months time. It will just be too hard to maintain feeding given my hours and the potential travel. But now I've worked this hard to get this far, I'm really reluctant to stop. I know I couldn't pump through my kind of work, but I'm wondering if I could maintain enough supply to still do a morning and/or an evening feed, although I suspect my supply will tank if I start to cut back on what I'm doing. Also, I don't want to start tapering down the feeding until I have to. Possibly late March, I'm not really sure. We'll see when we get there.

I know there will be benefits to stopping, but the benefits are mostly about me, and not benefits for Pob. It would allow me to cut back on the domperidone, which will help curb my appetite, which means hopefully I could start to lose some of this weight. Currently I'd have to buy a new wardrobe to go back to work in as I can't fit into any of my suits! My boobs would hopefully shrink a bit which would make running possible. I'd have a bit more time - time I could spend doing a bit more of a variety of activities with Pob as well as time to finish writing thank you cards, etc. I might even manage to cook dinner for H at some point.

So I want to continue with the currrent regime not just because I'm enjoying it even while I resent it, but also because it seems to work best for Pob, to give her the best possible nutrition. I don't know how much longer that will stay true, but it's true for now. Of course, there's the additional drive which is that we can't start to  reliably try again for number 2 until I've had one normal cycle, so at some point that will become a strong driver to stop. Perhaps the strongest, since I want to at least try for another one because I think that's best for Pob. It will be easier to stop if I feel it's doing something for her.

Comments

[electriclady]

You have done amazingly well! It's really wonderful that you've been able to get those cozy moments with Pob that you wanted.

Don't worry too much about what happens when you go back to work. You may be surprised by what you can and can't do at that point, but there's nothing you can do about it now, so try to just enjoy what you have. And anecdotally, I've heard on Pumpmoms (the yahoo group) that after three months old supply gets better established and it's not necessary to do such crazy pumping to maintain. (Which I sort of experienced when I was trying to wean and was pumping 5x/day and getting the same as when I pumped 9x/day--it took forever!) So who knows, you might be able to do morning and evening feeds without pumping after all. At any rate, Pob will be, what, 8 months old by then? Even if you stop altogether at that point, you will have given her a fantastic start.

[Flicka]

I'm glad the BF'ing is going better. I'm proud of you for persevering...I know it has not been an easy road for either of you! You've both been champs.

You've got a lot to think about in terms of stopping but at least you've got another month before you have to make an serious decisions. In the mean time, I hope you get to enjoy mor eof those calm and wonderful morning feeds. :-)

[Nico]

I definitely think you would be able to do at least one feed a day for a good long while. And it's quite likely that you would start cycling again if you were to do that - best of both worlds?

[Bea]

Sounds like a plan... of sorts. A plan not to make too many firm plans. Best to play it by ear.

Bea

[Sami]

It's hard to even think about how far you have come in regards to feeding... I'm glad it has improved for you and Pob :D

Congratulations on making it this far!

[Kath]

Dear Thalia, it is so good to hear that feeding has been going better on the whole (though these sudden unexplained drops in supply are very frustrating, aren't they?). I'm also glad that nursing is giving you some of those wonderful moments you had been hoping for.

I agree that there is no rush to stop breastfeeding before your return to work -- maybe you could just see what happens, assuming you don't get painfully engorged (and in a pinch, maybe a hand pump to take the edge off could be used during a potty break?). If your supply diminishes greatly, it will probably still be very comforting for Pob to get some of that special closeness with you, even if not much comes out.

You've come so very far, my dear, and I'm so happy for you and Pob. You're both very lucky girls.

[Meg / Rememberella]

Oh Thalia, well done for continuing on. I remember being at the park with jasper one day. It was a beautiful sunny day, the first for the spring, and I sat under a tree and gave him the loveliest, longest feed. I remember thinking at the time that this was the reason I had worked so hard to breastfeed. It was a special, special moment.

Even though he's weaned himself much earlier than i had hoped, I don't regret putting in all that work for a second.

[Meg / Rememberella]

Oh,m I wanted to add - you might surprise yourself with how little you need to pump - I have gone down to just 3 good pumps a day now, and my supply is the same as it always was - pumping is just more gratifying now with those nice full bottles, haha.

[Liza]

In general, supply is pretty closely related to demand. Which means that as long as you are keeping on a reasonably regular schedule, it should be sustainable for quite some time. I think you'll probably have a fine time with doing just morning/evening feeds or whatever works out for you after you return to work.

My only assvice is that you reduce the numbers of feeds/pumps per day over the course of a couple of weeks (ie drop 1, wait several days 'til you aren't feeling swollen any more, drop another). Otherwise you risk engorgement and possibly even mastisis.

And I couldn't agree with you more about the Pump In Style. IMO, the Purely Yours is MUCH more gentle for the same price range, although not as lovely as the Symphony.

[Jo]

You are amazing. It makes me wonder if I would have stuck with bf if it hadn't come so easily to me. I am certainly feeling grateful for my bf years right this minute.

[MoMo]

I think you just have to wait and see what happens when you go back to work. I didn't think I can keep up the pumping when I went back. Amazingly I was able to pump 3x at work and keep B on breastmilk. And since I was pumping so much, my supply was up! I was able to pump about 30 oz in 5 pumping session-after 3 months my pumping supply increased dramatically. Once I decided to stop, I still had about 3 weeks supply of milk-plus I couldn't stop pumping cold turkey. I had to slowly ween off or my tatas were going to explode!

I think just enjoy it right now and once you are back at work you will figure out what is best!

[Jennifer]

I vote with some of the other commenters that you shouldn't close the door on feeding once you go back to work. If you can manage the morning and evening feeds, your body will adjust and allow that. If you could sneak in one pump a day (I'm able to get the pump itself done in about 15 minutes if I don't rinse everything out), you'd be able to keep a bit of a supply on hand and keep Pob on BM for a while longer-if anything just to have some to mix with cereal, etc. Congrats on making it this far-and I'm happy that you are finally reaping the rewards you so patiently waited for!

[Drowned Girl]

I returned to work 3 (long) days pw when little DG was 9m old, and mamaged to keep feeding him when he wanted, for a very long time after that. Though cosleeping and night-time feeding was a big factor I think.

Glad you've had some lovely moments together!

[Summer]

So glad to hear you are getting some good moments breastfeeding Pob. I don't have any advice on what to do when you go back to work, but I do hope you figure it out.

[Aurelia]

I'm glad things have worked out so well. Whatever you do about work, just remember to taper slowly, and if you get sent on a trip, take a pump along regardless, even a handpump, so you don't stop suddenly. Better to pump and dump a few times a day in the ladies room, than leak all over a boardroom table. ;)

Yes, this happened to me. It was umm, slightly embarassing. When you do go back to work, keep a sense of humour handy!

[Sara]

It's funny to see this, because I have been planning a post about how much I LOVE my pump in style. I had been stuck with a Mini Electric (pretty much the bottom of the Medela electric line), and it was kind of like putting pliers on my nipples and twisting them. It hurt like hell, and nothing came out. Comparatively speaking, the pump in style is a dream! But now I'll have to fantasize about the symphony. Sigh.

[lindsey]

yes,yes, the symphony is well worth the money. I don't pump much anymore so I turned in my rental, but boy, do I miss it when I throw on the horns these days.

I just want to commend you for truly doing the best you can for Pob, lucky girl.

[Kay/Hanazono]

Like Summer, I don't have any advice about when/how to stop BF, but your point about not being able to start trying for #2 until you've had a normal cycle is pretty compelling. Glad you're enjoying right now and getting some of those wonderful moments you'd been looking forward to, sweetie :)