Delight and surprise on a Friday afternoon

We went for a scan on Friday afternoon. I didn't really have a good reason to go for one, except that I'm away all of next week, and I wanted to know that everything was ok in there before I left. And, well, I had a bit of leakage during an intimate session with my husband last weekend. Not much, but it's never happened before and it freaked me out about the whole pPROM thing, even though I know it's too early for that, and it's not a likely thing to happen to me anyway. So we booked a scan, because it was easier to get a scan than to see the OB.

We had the same lovely doctor doing the scan as did the scans at 11 weeks and when I had the bleed at 13 weeks. He's just such a kind, quiet, thoughtful man. He always asks why we are there, which makes me feel a bit self-conscious but I think he's asking to make sure that he does the right thing rather than for any other reason. When I just answer "general neurosis" he always laughs, so that's a good thing. He was very keen to make sure that we knew that a scan at 18 weeks would need to be repeated around 20 weeks to make sure everything was in place - there are some things, like the brain, that just aren't developed enough at 18 weeks to be able to give a definitive answer about abnormalities. We insisted that we knew, but just wanted to make sure everything was ok. I also mentioned my fears about pPROM, but didn't mention the leakage as it just seemed too complicated a story to retell, and I was fairly sure that the leakage wasn't due to pPROM but due to something, well, rather insalubrious. He was entirely sympathetic and didn't laugh at me at all. Which was encouraging.

Over the last 24 hours H and I had been discussing if we wanted to know the sex for sure if it was obvious at this scan. Bizarrely, after my "what if it's a boy" post, I wasn't sure I was ready to know for sure. It was 2 weeks earlier than I had been expecting to find out, and I thought perhaps I might need that extra 2 weeks. Even as H and I sat in the waiting room, I still couldn't answer him as he asked me if I knew what I wanted. But when I lay down on the table and the warm goo was squirted on my stomach, the kind doctor asked me if we wanted to know, and I just said "Yes".

After a few seconds of scanning around the doctor turned the screen round to show us the baby, and told us that everything was fine. He played us the heartbeat, and showed how the baby was breech, with its spine towards the camera. He then turned the screen back towards himself so that he could do some measurements. A few minutes later he said, "well, I can't be positive, but it looks as if it's a girl."

H immediately started laughing and squeezed my hand hard. I was in shock. "Are you surprised," asked the doctor. "Yes," we chorused. "She was sure it was a boy," H laughed. I explained the 13 week scan flash, and the doctor chuckled away. I started laughing. It was H's turn to look shocked.

The rest of the scan looked fine, in fact we have a big one in there. Having measured in the 95th percentile for length at the 13 week scan, she's now measuring 19w2d on most of her measurements. The doctor indicated that that was a good thing, which allayed my fears about it being an early sign of gestational diabetes. Everything he could measure was in good shape. We saw the four chambers of the heart clearly. He showed us a close up of a tiny, perfect hand, and the bones of the spine, beautifully regular, curving towards us on the screen. He told us he'd examined the kidneys, the bowel, the bones, and the lips and palate, and that everything looked good. Although we have to have the detailed scan in another 2-3 weeks, he told us it would be very unlikely for a major abnormality not to have shown up already.

All amazing news. But most amazing, or perhaps just weird, is that I walked out of the hospital feeling, well, a little flat. H teared up as we stood and hugged on the stairs. "I was dreaming about a little mini-me," he whispered in my ear. "I know, darling," I answered. We walked back to the car in silence. At last I figured it out. I had always known how much I wanted a daughter, so when I thought I was having a boy, I was aware of the loss involved in not having a daughter. After you'd all written me such beautiful and thoughtful comments, I started to understand better the wonderfulness that a son would mean. So now that I know that I am probably carrying our daughter, I have a sense of the loss that not carrying a son means. The answer is that only were we having boy/girl twins would we not be anticipating a tiny sense of regret. Not a major regret, not a big sadness, but a knowledge that in having something wonderful happen to us, we also have to let go of another tiny dream, a different life that might have been. I am delighted, but I am greedy.

But those dreams are on the gross scale - the lumping together of everything our child might be under the heading of a gender. Although it surely is a big determinant of the kind of person they might be, it's not the only characteristic that might surprise and delight us. Within the categories of "boy" or "girl" there are a universe of possibilities about the person our child might become. I now better appreciate that whatever this baby turns out to be, it will be what it is, the person it's meant to be, and that will be tremendous.

This morning I feel really delighted. Not so much because it's a girl, but because everything is fine. She's in great shape. My cervix is long and closed. The amniotic fluid is at the right level. There is nothing wrong. Perhaps we might really have a baby in September.

Comments

[Vanessa]

Congratulations, Thalia.

It was a beautiful post, just as I'm sure it was a beautiful moment.

[Kath]

Dear Thalia, that's such good and touching news -- and I'm so glad you got such wonderful reassurance before your trip.

[Artblog]

Girls are fab, just fab, as long as when they do ballet later on they don't go on theirs pointes before they're meant too :) :) :)

I'm so excited for you XXXX

[Suz]

I'm really excited and happy for you. I felt the same way when I found that we were having boys, even though I wanted boys, because the truth of the matter is that I wanted girls, too. I'm glad that you've worked through the feeling and are now feeling happy and hopeful!

[Em]

Girls are gorgeous! Congrats. It's so exciting!

[Patience]

I think you are allowed to be a bit greedy, especially considering the road you've travelled to get where you are now!

Congratulations x

[Mary Scarlet]

So happy to read this,Thalia. Lovely news.

[Kristin]

Lovely news. Try to stop worrying about things like gestational diabetes, etc. Not only because you can't do much about them, but because--in my experience--I worried about the wrong things, so when whatever happened, I was still blindsided by it.

And just because the sex might be a girl doesn't mean that she might not be a mini-me of H. The combinations of looks and personality are wondrous things to behold.

[Flicka]

I'm so glad everything was fine on the scan. A little girl! That is wonderful. I'm so happy for you.

[Jane]

What wonderful news that bub is healthy. What a surprise for it to reveal a girl!
Are you aware of any information on gender and IVF and whether one gender is more predominant? There seems to be a lean towards girls out there at the moment and wondered if this was just a coincidence?

[Ann]

Good to know all is well. Very well said about grieving for the other possibility. Even if the baby is a boy, it may not be a mini-me. D and my favourite thing to do now is to look at our little girl and compare body parts - my nose, his ears ... Boy or girl, the fun part is to decipher where baby got his/her features, mannerisms and personality.

[Bitter Mama]

Oh, how exciting that all is well and that she's a she! Boy or girl, I think for me the important thing was knowing. It helped the whole thing feel a bit more real for me.

[marie-baguette]

so happy to hear that the baby is doing great. I had my anatomy scan at 18 weeks instead of the 20 (I must have misunderstood something) but anyway they were able to check everything on that date -- exactly like your doctor did. Not sure if you plan to have other kids, but you might be able to use sex selection for the next one if you want to "balance your family" as doctors say. I found out it would not be possible for us -- because of my husband's sperm issues, it would mean having to go through PGD at a cost of an additional $5K.!

[Alexa]

Oh Thalia, congratulations! I am glad it is starting to feel a bit more probable, and so relieved that she looks healthy.

[Leggy]

Very exciting- on all fronts. I'm so glad to hear all is going well.

[Jenn]

I'm so glad everything is going well.

[luolin]

So glad everything is going well.

[My Reality]

I am so happy that all is normal and very excited to hear about your daughter!

[Jen]

Oh, Thalia, I'm so very glad that your scan was so wonderful and reassuring! And a girl--how lovely.

[Aurelia]

This is wonderful, really. I'm very very happy for you. I always hold my breath whenever I read about scans like this, because I know too much about the bad things that can happen, I guess. As you listed all of the organs and how healthy & perfect they are, I think I sighed with relief all the way from Canada!

And again, I think you just might get pregnant again, so maybe H will get his chance for a mini-me.

[Kay/Hanazono]

And again I say, I'm SO relieved! Also, YAY about having a girl!

I hope you don't mind me adding for your readers that 17w is not too early for pPROM -- we have girls on the list who have pPROM'd as early as 13w. So any mid-trimester loss of fluid should be checked out, just to be safe.

Can't wait to start knitting for your little one :) xx

[Pam]

So glad everything is going so well.

[Jo in Utah]

Oh course you are greedy, we all are then. Who doesn't want at least one of each, healthy?

[Carrie]

Glad you got some comfort from the scan.
I'm sure it makes sense to be a little flat no matter which sex you are told the baby is. It simply cuts off one avenue and I suppose when you don't know the gender you can dream about both equally.
Still, a girl, now that's nice!

[Urban Chick]

so pleased for you...

♥
UC

[heleen]

It could still be H's mini-me, sometimes girls look lots like their dads! So sweet to read 'There is nothing wrong'. Like you still cannot comprehend.

[Sami]

Congratulations on your possible little girl :) Glad the scan went well and sorry for the scare!

[MsPrufrock]

Yeah, my kid is the spitting image of her Dad, the lucky thing. I think it's because what little hair she does have is ginger-ish, so people associate that with him rather than my brunette self with luxurious long hair. Ha. She does have my eyes at least. Maybe H. can have a mini-me after all.

All that babble and I haven't said congratulations! It's rather stunning news when you first hear it, isn't it? It took me ages to cope with the fact that I (most likely) was having a girl. I had mixed emotions about it at first, but now I would of course had it no other way.

A girl!!

[Calliope]

CONGRATS!!!!!!!
So glad that the scan went well.
xo

[Nicole]

Whoohoo!!! Doing the happy dance for you and the hubbie!

[Lori]

What a wonderful post to read - congratulations on the wonderful news that your daughter looks healthy and is growing so well.

[Donnie]

Told ya so.
-D.

[teamwinks]

Yay for a little girl! Wow, there have been many little girls out there lately. I'm just glad that everything looks great!

[isabel]

Good news, good news, oh how I love to hear your good news!

[Krista]

Thalia, I am so very excited for you. Can't wait until this baby comes in September! Congratulations on everything being ok, and on having a little girl!

[Sara]

I'm so glad that all was well. That's fantastic news.

And girls are absolutely wonderful. I'm really happy for you.

[Melissa]

Congratulations on a great scan and a little girl!!

[Shelley]

This reminds me a little bit of my own story -- I was really hoping for a girl, but had completely convinced myself that it was a boy -- I think almost to prepare myself, and prevent disappointment the sex -- I mean, like everyone, what I wanted was a healthy baby, right? I was stunned and delighted to find out that in fact she was a she. Best wishes!

(PS Mine looks just like her pappa too. Who knew he'd look so good as a girl??)

[PBfish]

YAY! How wonderful. I'm so enjoying reading your updates. Enjoy the post-ultrasound buzz... :)

[Summer]

So wonderful to hear your excitement and delight. And congratulations on having a little girl!

[Betty M]

I'm very excited for you and delighted to that everything is just as it should be. Your girl will be the first girl for a long while on the clinic MB thread which is lovely. I would say she will definitely look like H at least for the first few months - lots of girls do and mine definitely did look the spit of her pa. 3 years on though she now looks like me.

[Tinker]

It's fantastic news that all is well with your baby. Yes, the sadness of a lost dream or of anticipation unfulfilled isn't easy, but I believe it's transient. And the sonographer did say that he wasn't absolutely certain, right?

[beagle]

I am so glad for you both!!

[threeminutepalaver]

I'm very happy for you that you're having a healthy, little girl. and don't worry too much about her not being a mini H, she will probably be a daddy's girl anyway :)

[betty]

Wow everything is going very well, congrats to you both. A little girl is fabulous news. Speaking from experience, I too was a little sad that Action Man did not get a boy...but as it turns out it makes no difference what the gender is. Daddies love their little girls sooooo much. Action man is absolutley besotted by his! H will fall in love in no time!

[Mary Ellen]

Congratulations! I am sure that must have been a wonderful moment for the two of you.

[MichelleL]

Congrats! It sounds terrific. And I wouldn't discount another baby -- I know -- don't get hopes up, but for some women, getting pregnant "fixes" things.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't put in a vote for adoption where sometimes you can specify gender, given my circumstances. I do highly respect the personal nature of such decision and the complications of being in the UK.

In any case -- so glad to hear all are healthy and doing well at your house.

[Carol]

Wonderful news. And beautiful words about the sense of loss at not having a boy - I think it's probably something that's very normal to feel regardless of which kind you have - that little twinge of wondering what it would have been like to have the other.

But so happy that things are progressing so well for you!

[Lindsey]

Wow, Thalia. It doesn't get much better than that, does it? And perhaps your dreams of a daughter were more telling than just wanting a daughter, but rather the foreshadowing of this grace that is to come, the healthy baby that you really might have in September. I am so glad all is well,and that she is healthy. My deepest congratulations to you!

[kristi]

Oh Thalia, I'm grinning from ear to ear for you right now. Congratulations on a healthy little girl growing inside you.