Another day, another reason to procrastinate

Thank you so much for yesterday. We got through it in one piece, and having cooked a lovely meal, even if the chicken and rice were both a little overcooked (now usually I KNOW that you don't cook the rice for as long as it says on the packet. Why did I have to forget yesterday? And I know that that chicken dish is delicious but LOADS of work, why do I forget that every time? Remind me next time that even though Nigel says an hour in the oven, 40 minutes would be fine). My trifle was a triumph, so much so that the wife of one of my colleagues asked if she could take a picture of it before we dug in. And she doesn't like deserts.

I spent the evening feeling somewhat tense. I have vague occasional cramps. Nothing close to "Oh I'm miscarrying," but enough to make me tense. If I wasn't bleeding I'd have written them off as just stretching etc. No gunk overnight, and I used the progesterone suppository anally to see if that would help. By an hour after getting up this morning the gunk was back. It's good that it requires gravity to descend, but I still wish it would stop.

No matter how many times you or the docs said to me yesterday, "it's brown blood, it's ok," it was still a miserable time. I realised, and regretted not acknowledging more, that I've often felt happy and optimistic over the last few weeks. That 9 week scan was really miraculous, seeing arms and legs and wriggling for the first time. And the scan 10 days ago where I heard the heartbeat. I walked out of the scan room each time in a daze of happiness. And yesterday we got a shocking reminder that it could all get taken away from us, and the happiness quotient went down considerably, even though I knew after the scan that it was just a minor setback, not a major disaster. So I regret not relishing the happiness more. I resolve that the next time I get my happiness back I will immediately write a post to capture it for all time, no matter what happens subsequently!

I'm taking the opportunity of an unscheduled morning (well, till 11) to stay at home for a few hours and just chill out. I feel very naughty. Given I'm supposed to be in NY for a meeting on Friday afternoon, and then in Florida on Monday evening, I guess it's ok not to feel too guilty. Given what happened yesterday I'm fairly sure I'm going to bail on one of those trips, probably the Florida one as it's an internal conference and not really essential to my job (although bailing is frowned upon). The smart thing to do would have been to have had a weekend in NYC, do some maternity clothes shopping (hah!)  since the exchange rate means that basically everything in the US is free right now, and then fly down to Florida on Monday, but yesterday the top restaurant in the world (well, in the UK anyway) called and said that they had an unexpected cancellation for Saturday lunch, did we want it? I've been on their waiting list for months as it's H's birthday next week (HELP! I have no presents for him what shall I do?). I'm not about to turn that down so I've grabbed it. I could I suppose let H take his dad or something, but it seems a shame to lose the chance to have a marvellous meal just because of the flying issue. Must think more about that one. Or just make a gut decision sometime tomorrow.

Of course tomorrow is the nuchal etc., and at the place we are going to they will do CVS straight afterwards if we come back high risk, and if we decide we are prepared to take the risk, which I'm still not sure about, particularly after the bleeding episode. If we do go for it there wont be any flying anywhere. Which would be a relief.

Comments

[Betty M]

Can't help on the presents except to say that when in doubt with my husband for a significant birthday I go for a vintage watch. My personal view would be go with the lunch as NY and the fab exchange rates can wait. Hope tomorrow goes well with no need for CVS - do take a book - a friend went there a few weeks ago and waited over 2 hours for the great man. Looking forward to you only having happy posts to do from now on a totally routine, no drama pregnancy.

[anon]

I assume that you will opt out of the CVS, since I assume that all measurements and checks will be good.
But if for some reason you do have the CVS, be warned: it can also lead to horrible brown and red discharge, quite viscous and frightening. Having such discharge does not mean you will have a miscarriage; it simply means you will lie in bed and rue your decision, at least for a few days. Parhaps I would have been less worried had I been told bleeding and mucus were possible, so I am warning you.
And despite my grim tone, wishing you all the best.

[Suz]

Wow. The top restaurant! Have a great time.

And no. I don't understand the "old blood" thing quite either. It's really terrifying, but I hope that it settles down and we soon get to read that happy post. I really regret that I didn't enjoy my pregancy more....

[marie-baguette]

I am sure your nuchal will be fine but if you go through the CVS, be warned that the cramps are awful for 2 days -- you will need to stay in bed and rest. It is true that with the exchange rate, New York will cost you nothing. But my therapist has told me that all of her pregnant friends who are doctors just refuse flat out to fly. So I am being a bit irrational, but I don't want to fly, even though lots of my friends do it and are fine, and that I need a vacation very badly. I am sorry to mention my therapist, don't I sound like a neurotic new yorker? Being French, I should be smoking and drinking while preggers instead of worrying!

[Aurelia]

I am not worried about your nuchal personally because anytime I hear about movement at the 9-10 week mark, it tells me that the little fetbryo is fine.

After losing a baby to a chromosomal diagnosis, I count every milestone, and after a heartbeat, the best indicator to me of a good outcome is lots of movement and wriggling.

So after your awesome nuchal, will we see a picture? Pretty please?

[tree town gal]

Will be thinking about you tomorrow... and yes, no flying is always my preference too. But, we'll assume a good nuchal and a flight of your preference for the weekend. No idea on husband presents, either... although a surprise holiday getaway is always lovely...

[katty]

hello,
I had brown blood - albeit not copious ammounts but brown blood all the same - just before going to the clinic you are going to for a scan. it was helpful as the doc in charge pointed out where it was coming from and said it wasn't near the babies, nor near the placenta, and was probably just a pool of old blood coming out. after the scan, it stopped completely and never came back.
good luck tomorrow...
K

[Dee]

Good luck with the nuchal tomorrow. Sorry to hear about the brown blood--I had a week's worth during pg #1, never did find out where it came from but it was terrifying.

Hang in there.

Hmmm...gift for the husband? Does he like getting a massage? If so, how about a gift cert for an hour-long massage or some other such male pampering?

[Anna]

As for birthday presents for H, what about some first edition books of some of his favorites? Or signed editions from a favorite author? Just an idea...

As for the CVS, I had it the first time we were pregnant. It was painful, but bearable. I took it easy for the rest of the day, and kept an eye out for spotting or increased mucus but had none. I don't remember any cramps, either. It's different for everyone, so just be aware of POSSIBLE side effects and then keep an eye on it. I'm sure you'll do just fine.

As for flying, I opted not to for the entire pregnancy, but I'm nervous that way. Just keep in mind (as Leggy stated so well on a recent post), that short of a fall off a horse or a bad car accident, nothing is going to dislodge a baby that wasn't going to miscarry anyway. In another blog I read, the expectant mom had sharp pains and bright red blood about 18 weeks in. Several times, in fact. And was violently ill throughout her pregnancy. Her daughter just turned a year old. What does that mean? Hell if I know, everyone is different! Hang in there and enjoy the little wee one growing inside of you. And I love your ticker at the bottom, BTW! Have a good trip to NY!

[Krista]

Thalia I am glad you are feeling better and wish that the gunk would stop so that you can be happy again (in a while, when you stop shaking).

Not to be all negative but I wanted to let you know that when I flew at 14 weeks I got cramps after take off and landing. They were nothing, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with the baby, but it was scary nonetheless.

[silene]

Best of luck tomorrow! If you do make it to NY and stay the weekend I'll be happy to take you out for a fancy lunch on Saturday (we're doing a CVS on Thursday, but I expect to be up and about by Saturday - see what an optimist I can be!) It wouldn't make up for the world's best restaurant, I know, but the offer is there. Crossing fingers and toes for your nuchal...

[My Reality]

I would love to know - what is the world's best restaurant? I can understand not posting the name before you go, but could you post it after?

[another karen]

I don't usually comment, but, having a had a similar scare I thought I would share a possibility that I don't think has been mentioned and might be worth asking your doctor about. I also sufferred fairly copius brown spotting right after the precious 12 week mark. I had had a scan that afternoon and everything was fine. I finally let my breath out just a little, only to be confronted with that horrible, sinking feeling when I went to the bathroom. In my case, the doctor felt it might very well be because I was still on the progesterone supplements after the 11 - 12 week mark since, based on my scan, the placenta had clearly taken over the progesterone production. My instructions had been to stop the progesterone at 11 - 12 weeks, but I had some pills still left and figured "it couldn't hurt, right?" Wrong apparently. I stopped the progesterone and the spotting resolved itself within a day or so. I was so relieved that I have to admit I never really asked about or researched the (possible?) connection between "extra" progesterone and brown spotting but, again, I thought it might be worth mentioning.

Hope I haven't added to the upset or confusion at all.

Good luck tomorrow and best of everything over the coming months!

Karen

[Watson]

Best of luck with the nuchal tomorrow, hoping everything goes well and you get good, reassuring news
:-)

[Lut C.]

You actually pulled off a dinner party?! Go you!

Non-essential flying? I wouldn't be up for it, but mostly because I dislike flying.

I'm wondering about invasive testing too. Do I really want to take the risk?

[heleen]

Very interesting comment by Karen about the progesterone supplements. Maybe you can have a bloodtest to see if you still need it? I bet not! Trust your body, it has surprised you before...

[T]

Aw T, I really feel for you feeling bad about not feeling good - this is terrible!

Good luck tomorrow - I'll be thinking of you.

[Karen]

I'm still really glad that the doctor was able to get you in for a scan so quickly yesterday. It's hard to deal with unexpected turns of events in pregnancy. I'm surprised you're holding together so well. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[moo]

Hi Ms T!

Glad to kow things are better. May I ask where in Florida??

Enjoy the lovely restaurant!

[isabel]

Spotting and bleeding are so scary. Hang tough! I'm glad you have responsive and caring doctors. That must make it a little easier to handle.