« A plan | Main | Pointless, yet poignant, post just to get that last one off the top of the page because I can't bear it any more »

Wednesday, 05 July 2006


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.


How tactless. I'm so sorry. I hate it when these people make it abundantly clear that our heartache is just their day job. Thinking of you.


Everything already feels so real, but with news like that, it feels so real. I'm so sorry about the set back.

And on another level, you know your egg wasn't to blame. That's a little good news in a different direction.


I'm so sorry Thalia. I know when I found it we lost a normal girl it was like a kick in the gut all over again. *hugs*


Oh Thalia, I'm so sorry. Grief feels like standing on constantly shifting ground sometimes, doesn't it? Or trying to stand.

And also what Louise said. Bad form, Dr. Candour.

Thinking of you and H. It's all so hard.


I'm sorry Thalia...finding out the sex is devastating. Suddenly you've got an image in your mind of what your baby should be like. I get it...and I'm proud of you for trying again.


I am sorry Thalia, it is salt in the wound (for me anyway) to find things were normal. Makes doing it again very scary.

And, you only have a 15% chance of MC, not 50% as you thought in your last post. The 30% chance of pregnancy and 15% chance of MC are separate. Not sure about after hearing a HB. I have read that after one MC you still have only a 3% chance of MC after HB, but after 2 or more (MCs after a HB), you have a 18% chance of MC after a HB. I hope any or all of that makes some sense.


What a completely insensitive jerk. But remember this: while it might happen again, it also might not. And that is what you need to focus on. You are an incredibly strong person, and I know this even without really "knowing" you. I'm thinking about you, as always.


I don't understand why doctors become callous. Even my father was somewhat cold about the whole ordeal and I'm his "baby girl."

I'm so sorry. These wounds heal but never close -- having an open wound is something we can learn to live with, but it's difficult to move forward when the wounds are torn open to bleed.

You, your husband, and your son are in my thoughts and in my heart.


I am really sorry Thalia. It would have been nice if your doctor would have at least given you the news in person. How awful to have to relive all the pain again and not be any closer to an answer.

Mary Ellen

I am so sorry that you had to receive the news that way. How devastating. Take care of yourself. Hugs.


I'm so sorry. It was hard before but I can imagine that finding out the sex really makes it hit home. My thoughts are with you.


I'm so sorry for both the tactless way that he told you and also for finding out that you lost a son.


Dr. Candour's email hit ME like a ton of bricks. I can only imagine what it must have done to YOU. I'm sick just thinking about it.


Thalia, I am so sorry you had to received the news that way--it doens't make things any easier. Thinking of you.


Definitely bad form. And I can't imagine how much harder it must be to find out more about your son. On the other hand, I'm glad to hear that he's putting your risk of miscarriage right at the normal risk level. That's good news, right? Thinking of you and wishing you well.


I'm so sorry the information was given to you in such an insensitive way. And I would imagine news like that is devastating. I'm so sorry.


Thalia, I'm so sorry for your doctor's lack of candor and impersonal approach for such a personal piece of news.

Thinking of you.

Cat, Galloping

Finding out the gender and that it was chromosomally normal is the absolute worst. I'm sorry.


Oh. My heart broke just reading that. Of course you're going to bits. I'm sorry it was so poorly conveyed.

Thinking of you.


I am so very sorry.

Take care


I have been lurking quietly during your ordeal, much to my shame. I just haven't known what to say, and if you would want to hear it from someone like me.

I still don't know what to say.
Except that I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. And I'm thinking of you.


Oh, sweetie, I'm so very sorry. What a terrible e-mail. What an incalculable loss.

I'm so sorry about your little boy.



What a lousy way to be given that type of news. I was (mistakenly, it seems) under the impression that those who work in the field of infertility would somehow be more compassionate to those of us seeking their help.

The loss of a child is painful no matter when or how, but knowing that your child was healthy somehow hurts even more. You're in my thoughts...


Doctors can be such asses! I'm sorry. I'm glad to see you have a new plan. I look forward to new updates...


How crappy! I can't believe that your doctor would just email you like that. URGH!


Oh my God! I would have LOST IT to know the gender of my ectopic baby. Damn! Like it's not hard enough to go through what you did without that info. I am so sorry.


I'm so sorry, Thalia.


I guess even the better doctors can f!&%# it up badly.

I'm sorry for the loss of your son.

I'm sure you have gotten this suggestion already, but for some it helps to have a remembrance/memorial for the baby you lost. Some will also name their baby. Mr. Worrier and I had a private moment remembering the little one we lost and played a song and just held each other. It helped me with my grieving.


My heart is breaking for you. I've had 3 losses and it is all just so confusing and I just don't understand why they can't tell us WHY this is happening. All I can say is that I am so very sorry.


Oh dear. I'm so sorry. How heartbreaking to know you had a son and how cold of Dr. Candour to put it the way he did. I'm just so, so sorry.


Oh Thalia. I am so sorry. Tactless indeed.



Oh Thalia, I am just so sorry. Thinking of you.


Thalia, dear, I am so sad for you. And I'm sad for the horrid way you heard the news, sad for the little boy you'll never know, sad that the blows just seem to keep coming, and sad that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make it better. I'm so sorry.

waiting line

totally tactless. I'm so sorry Thalia. This must be very difficult. I can't even imagine.

Thinking of you.


What an absolutely horrible way to break bad news to someone! He could have been a bit less... abrupt and perhaps even offered some words of encouragement or SOMETHING. To find out that your baby was a little boy would have been so hard. :(

As someone else said, the chance of pregnancy and the chance of miscarriage are separate from one another. 30% success rate is a 30% success rate. 15% chance of miscarriage remains the same... 15%.

I hope the next cycle is successful for you and you don't have to go through all of this again. My heart goes out to you.


For fuck's sake! Who signs an email containing information like that with "regards"? You'd think he'd just written to tell you that your car is due for servicing. How absolutely cold and not what you need right now. I'm so sorry.


Oh hun,
Your doc seems a little abrupt.
I'm so sorry about the news.



I'm so sorry. Just so very sorry. I've been thinking of you loads and am glad at least that you have a plan. And a good one. I'm turning 41 in a couple of months and never thought I'd still be trying.


I am sorry too. I got similiar results two pregnancies ago. The baby girl was perfect. Have you been tested for blood clotting disorders? I was tested and it came back positive, I just have to take a blood thinner when I am pregnant. Please email me if you have ANY questions, NO ONE should have to go through this again just because a test was not given.


Thalia - so sorry that Dr C seems to have forgotten that you are a person who is grieving 1st and a person interested in the science of all this 2nd. It is not as if a regular patient would necessarily understand what 46 etc means is it. If it is any comfort it happens quite a lot with medically very well-informed patient/doctor relationships that they forget you are a patient not a colleague. Still no excuse mind. There is an RCOG guideline on miscarriage which may have some useful info. He is right however about the stats - it is exactly what I have been told by our clinic and by other docs. Thinking of you.
Betty M


Oh dear, it doesn't go in a continuous upward line - there are big dips along the road to recovery, but you would hope your own doctor wouldn't be quite so instrumental.

Thinking of you, and hoping you are at least enjoying the fact that the weather has broken. We have torrential rain over here - hope you are getting the same!

Womb in waiting

Oh Thalia, how insensitive & cruel the drs can be sometimes...to them they are doing this everyday & lose sight of what they are actually doing - its not excusable -they need to learn to be patient focused....
& it is worse yes i understand to know it was a normal healthy boy....it is somehow more palatable if we presume or know it was unhealthy but this baby wasnt - im so so sorry. it is awful. my thoughts are with you x


T, you did everything right last time from the extra folic acid to the bloodthinner to the PIO. You and H make lovely embryos and you are not near the end of the road yet. Your grief will never leave you but it will lessen as time goes by.

Thinking of you and H, sweetie. Time to book that holiday.


Doctors can be remarkably awful at people stuff. I don't know if too many years in health service makes them look at us more like customers than patients?... I'm so, so sorry!


i'm so sorry to read that dr. c took complete leave of his senses. i can understand how upsetting this would be.

sending you lots of positive thoughts.


We get up. We dust ourselves off. We start again.

That chromosome hurts so much. I'm not sure they realise quite how much. A medical fact which held your future.

I'm sorry.


I am sorry, Thalia.


Oh Thalia doctors can suck so much. I'm sorry about your little boy.


I'm so sorry Thalia. I'm shocked at dr Candour's complete lack of tact and yet...I'm not surprised either.

Thinking of you.


I'm so sorry T, yes, I do believe Dr. C could use a lesson in manners. So sorry.

The comments to this entry are closed.

September 2011

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30  
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported