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Thursday, 25 May 2006


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I so hope this is everything you deserve. All signs can be good or bad - depending on what you read. It's torture. Even though I'm only new to your blog, I am very happy for you and will keep all of my fingers and toes crossed for good news.


Thalia I know I've said it before but you write so beautifully.

I don't think anyone who has been around the IVF crew for long can feel anything other than joyful moments broken by sheer terror that things are going awfully wrong. You are doing amazingly well even to mention the possibility of a different car.

I truely hope that in roughly 8months you can hold that which you carry now and feel pure unmitigated joy. but one day at a time and in 5 days the scan I hope will show the next hurdle has been crossed.

Good luck lovely thinking of you and feeling joy for you.


You're absolutely right that chances are everything will be just fine. And how wonderful is that?!?! Anxiously awaiting that 6 week scan.

Oh, and most women don't start to feel sick until a bit later anyway (seems like around 6-8 weeks for a lot of women), so don't think youv'e escaped it just yet.


If it helps any, I didn't feel pregnant until about 15 weeks. And now at 27 weeks I still check the toilet paper every single time.

fisher queen

I wasn't feeling sick at 6w either- but had to pee every other minute, so take that as a good sign. I can't wait for the good news on Tuesday.


The thing is, most women actually don't feel any symptoms at all, and that means your body is coping well with the hormone surge. And terrified? Oh yes, of course you are. I refused to look when I wiped for my entire pregnancy. These first few weeks are the worst ever - it gets better, promise.


I think being terrified is normal-I always have that feeling too that when good things are happening the other shoe will fall off. But I am hoping and praying that you have no need to worry-things are looking good! Thinking of you!


Feeling pregnant is one of those things only the "lucky few" who exhibit every symptom in the What to Expect book get to experience. For the rest of us, it's guessing every second if that twinge or ache is a symptom. I didn't feel pregnant until I hit the second trimester, and way into it, at that. One thing I did notice right off the bat was my boobs grew huge, and I developed little bumps on them, which my trustry book says are ducts (if I'm remembering that correctly). I can't wait to hear about the results of your scan. Will you post pictures?


Along the same vein as everyone else... I also didn't really feel pregnant at the beginning. I felt a little queasy for about a week, starting at 6w. Other than that, sore boobs starting at 4, and M said that I was like a furnace in the bed, but that was about it.

How ironic that your hairdresser is exactly as pregnant as you. A little freakish too.


I don't think that there is any way to avoid the fear of loss once you have already experienced it. It is a loss of innocence that doesn't ever return. Wishing you the best for your 6 week scan and for the next 8 months!


It's okay to be scared. How could any pregnant infertile not be? But, it sounds like you are handling things beautifully, as always. Glad you and hub had a nice anniversary dinner. Looking forward to hearing about your 6 week scan...


I understand that you are scared but I going to feel joy for you. You sound like you are doing great and things seem to be under control.

And I agree that the hairdresser being exactly as pregnant as you are is a little creepy.


I never did "feel pregnant" and STLL check the toilet paper!!
Its so normal to be afraid, but it still does really suck to not be able to just enjoy what you've worked so hard for.
I'm so happy that things appear to be going well for you. Please remember that when you go in for your first scan that it MAY be too early to see a heartbeat. In lots of healthy pregnancies a heartbeat can't be seen until around 7 weeks.
Also- I have the motherfucker mutation too, and did heparin until a hoard of perinatologists insisted I stop. If you want any assvice or are just interested in what they had to say, let me know.


It is so sad how infertility really takes a lot of the joy out of pregnancy.

Wishing you all the best and hope that you get to enjoy more and more of your PG as it continues on.

Take care


I say that after the ultrasound, it's time to add that new category. I love that your husband is weighing in on the color of your nipples, mine would just poke them.


Dear Thalia, being terrified is a normal response. (It's your hairdresser's response that seems foreign to me now.) But I think you are handling things beautifully.

I'm so glad things seem to be progressing so well for you. As others have said, symptoms vary and nausea often sets in late, if ever. Wishing you nothing but great news on Tuesday and beyond.


I didn't feel sick the first time till about 7 or 8 weeks - I am pretty sure the hormones were fine with that one, it's just the embryo that wasn't...


I don't think I started to "feel" pregnant (even in the abstract, grasping for symptoms kind of way) until after 6 weeks, except for the progesterone symptoms. By the way, are you heating the oil before injecting and heating the injection site afterwards? It might help with the butt lumps. (Email me if you need more details.)


Good luck with the scan- I hope you see all that your supposed to see at 6 weeks.
No one thinks you are ungrateful for being subdued. Of course you would be cautious after your own BFNs and for seeing all the awful things that have happened to your friends in the computer.
FWIW, I never threw up in any of my pregnancies. Felt queasy occassionally, but didn't have the god-awful nausea & vomiting that so many describe.

Lut C.

It sounds like you're handling yourself well. I understand that joy and terror go hand in hand. Don't chastise yourself too much for being excited, enjoying your PG won't change the outcome. It won't!


Gah. I completely understand your fears. I still am too superstitious to add a "pregnancy" category to my blog.
And all of the pregnancy symptoms vary so much from woman to woman. I never feel sick either, but my boobs are like parade floats. My coworker's boobs never increased in size, but she was sick as a dog for the first few weeks.
Gah. The doubts suck so much. Hang in there.
I wish you a very good ultrasound.


I'm like 6 days behind on commenting here, but I agree with the others on a few counts:

1) Pregnancy symptoms - I never really felt any early on. I was looking for them, but they weren't there.

2) Toilet paper - Just like Jenn, here I am approaching 29 weeks and I have never stopped checking the toilet paper. I'm afraid it's one of those things ingrained in your infertile mind that never leaves you. Lucky us, eh?

My thoughts will be with you next week. I know how scary that first scan can be.


Oh, the hope combined with the fear is so true of this experience. You wrote it so well!

I'm praying for a great scan for you next week, and until then (and after), PEACE! People's bodies respond so differently, and that, combined with the drugs makes it impossible to tell which symptom means anything at all!


I think the best we can hope for is to be able to think that this is actually real a little more each day.

Good luck with the self-injecting of the PIO shots - you can do it!

And I'm crossing fingers that the scan on Tuesday shows everything to be in excellent shape.


Glad you enjoyed your annversary celebration and my fingers are crossed for a great scan on Tuesday.


You seem to be doing quite well managing the anxiety. Good for you! Hoping for wonderful news on Tuesday.


I hope your scan goes well next week, and that the joy crowds out the terror soon or at least gets the upper hand.


Good luck for the scan next week.


Good luck at your 6 week scan.

Mary Ellen

I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. I hope that your scan goes well, and that they see what they are supposed to see. Hugs to you!


Being a little worried right now makes sense. You've been through a lot. I hope that the scan goes well. So far so good though, right? I'm excited for you. Good luck with the scan, I'll be thinking of you.


Another one of the many things that sucks about being an infertile. You question every single little (non) symptom.


Glad things are going well. I can relate to being cautious and at times not being very joyful. I know once you have the scan it will help with some of your anxieties. I'm also not feeling any symptoms, except for side effects from the meds. Hope all continues to go well for you.

chee chee

I think it's ok to be terrified. Having experienced IF, you can hardly be expected to feel otherwise.

I wish you the best for next week's appointment. I really hope you continue getting good news.


Re: Hard progeserone lumps on bottom - use heat then massage for 10 minutes. This helped me, because I was getting an injection in each side every night for 10 weeks (then I was on Progesterone supositories for 3 weeks).

I never felt pg either; if not for the ultrasounds, I'd never have known. Good luck with the scan on Tuesday - I'm anxious to hear, and so very happy for you and H! This is so exciting!


Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal - Good luck with everything. Can't wait to hear how wonderful your scan was.


My wedding anniversary is a lovely day for your first scan, T. I hope you and H are hanging in there OK this weekend. Thinking of you, sweetie.


FWIW, my uber-fertile SIL didn't have any sickness until her 8th week of pregnancy. The she vomited without stopping. So while I hope you manage to avoid the vomiting altogether, it may just be that it's delayed.

Happy anniversary!

Lola Badeggs

I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday. Good luck!


been thinking about you! Hope the scan is fab.


how could you NOT feel terrified? seems normal to me. in fact, if i ever do actually conceive, i believe that i will instantaneously (faster than the speed of light) transfer all my fears about never getting pregnant to fears about something not working out with the pregnancy. it is our lot. and it's normal, considering!! :) bug hugs to you. (I'm still SOOO happy about your good news !)


Good luck with the scan and try to enjoy yourself.


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