We've decided to cancel your treatment on the grounds that you might actually become pregnant

Well, the title says it all. Lining 10.5mm. On the right, one at 22mm, on the left, four - 17, 16, 16 and 14. They consider (now they tell me) anything above 14 as possibly fertile, so that gives us five follicles, and the cycle is cancelled.

We saw yet another doctor this morning, and lo, she was pretty much as bad as Dr ICU. Let's call her Dr Condescending, for the sake of argument. Before she even scanned me she sat us down to give us the speech. When I asked her very calmly about all the research I'd done, she told me that of course she'd seen lots and lots of patients, and therefore she knew that there was a high chance of multiples in my case. I asked her why, she told me that it was because of my lining and because the follicles kept growing, "even in the absence of the Puregon". I pointed out several times that since I had been taking Puregon in the evenings, I'd only been without it for 12 hours, so it was hard to tell what my follicles would do in the absence of it.

Given the research I'd done, I also asked about converting the cycle to IVF. She said not possible since I would have had to have taken the GNRh agonist by now. Not according to one article I read, but there you go.

We got the whole, "It's policy" speech, and most maddening of all the: "I know how you feel" comment. I really wanted to deck her at that point.

Eventually I gave up and we left, and I sobbed. As we were leaving she threw in the point about: "and no unprotected intercourse, either."

I know you guys are going to tell me to just have sex. But it's not that easy for us. H, remember, has a problem with impotence. This situation is pretty much guaranteed to make it impossible for him to perform. He also informed me this morning that he hasn't renewed his prescription for the impotence drug so we don't even have that crutch.

I really do feel devastated. I know it's nothing compared to what many of you have been through. But I really felt this was our cycle. We'd have a May baby, just as I always wanted (and fantasised about this time last year). I've taken two weeks off "to relax". HAHAHAHAHA. I won't be able to keep taking days off when treatment comes up. I feel like this was our chance and we got it snatched away from us. This month I put a moratorium on any travel for work, and mostly my clients understood. I don't know how I can manage to organise another month where I don't have to travel for work.

I know there will be another cycle. It just doesn't feel like it right now.

Comments

[susie]

I am so, so sorry. How utterly horrible.

Thinking of you.

[MsPrufrock]

Ah yes..."I know how you feel". One of the most inappropriate phrases in the English language. Bitch.

I didn't even know they cancelled cycles for responding too well. I've never had that problem. What unbelievable bad luck. I'm sorry.

[susan/holdingpattern]

I'm so sorry Thalia. I know how disappointing it can be.

[deborah]

OK, this really sucks. I know that. But tomorrow or the next day or the week after that you're going to realize that being a good responder bodes really, really well for your chances down the road.

I don't mean to be a Polyanna Sunshine. I'm just trying to take a little bit of the disappointment away.

Thinking of you and H....

[B. Mare]

Completely gutted for you- I am sure it is a real blow to happen at this point. But I'd have to agree with what Deborah said- there are signs that bode very well for you. You just need your chance- and a more supportive doctor would probably help.

[InSpring]

Thalia, I'm stunned. We have about the same results (though on vastly different medication levels), I'm converted to IUI and you're cancelled? I'm livid. What a bunch of assholes, you are not a statistic and I don't think 4 or even 5 is high for your age.

Fuck. I'm so pissed for you. Can you fire this clinic and go somewhere else next time?

I'm thinking about you and wishing the bright side as mentioned by others will take over the disappointment and that the next time will be soon and somewhere else.

[Amanda]

Oh, Thalia. Shit. I'm so very sorry.

[Nico]

Oh, fuck. That completely totally bites. I can't believe that they can be so totally awful and obnoxious. Fuck.

[Larisa]

I am so so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through.

[Teendoc]

I've never heard of something so utterly ridiculous in my life. I'm so very sorry. You need a different center, clearly.

I would definitely wish that you could try with sex, but since my husband has similar issues with performance, I understand how challenging that can be.

I really don't mean to be overly graphic, but sometimes what I have done is given him a magazine and my diaphragm and let him get busy. I then insert the goods/diaphragm and call it a day. That's been my work around for his performance issues.

Again, I'm very sorry about the idiots at your center.

[PJ]

I'm so sorry Thalia. I remember getting cancelled and it was the most crushing blow. I felt like we didn't even have a chance to succeed.

I wish the clinic would've been more understanding. Damn them!

[millie]

I'm sooooo sorry. I hate your docs. How long would it take to get into another clinic? Might as well schedule some consults or something.

[Katie]

I don't know every detail. However, I think your docs may have acted hastily. We have SEVER issues, but the last IUI we did, we had 9 mature and 3 close follicles, and we still went ahead. I would make an appointment to discuss your concerns. It seems like they should be giving you better answers.

[Pamplemousse]

I am so sorry. I know it is no comfort right now but you responded great to the meds, as some other people said. You will have other chances though.

[Julianna]

Well, shit. SHIT,SHIT,SHIT......

I am so sorry.

Please forgive me, but is it easier for your husband to masturbate? For us, when I had to time sex, it was more stressful and difficult. I noticed that when M. had to give a sample and I wasn't in the room "to help" there was less pressure somehow. I'm just wondering if he can masturbate by himself, however long it takes (does porn help?) and then collect his specimen in a cup of some sort. Now, for me, it is easy because I have irrigation syringes but you would need something, like a dropper or how about the body of a syringe? Take the needle part off if you have any syringes left and suck up whatever he has in the cup and then inseminate yourself. Especially, because he has just great swimmers. Just an idea. I really hate to see your awesome eggs go to waste. You also would need to trust your heart about how you feel about selective reduction - hell, last time they transferred 7 embryos in me and now, I am so glad they did because I know it gave me my best shot. I always get the "selective reduction" speech but the doctor's are extremely aggressive here.

Just know that I am thinking of you. Forgive my assvice, I just hate you are having to go through all of this.

Hang in there.

[Jen]

I'm so very sorry. That just sucks.

[wessel]

So pissed off for you. Get your husband's butt to the pharmacy and get that Viagra, STAT! Take your trigger shot of HCG. Just do it! I mean it.

These doctors are such idiots, I am totally stunned. And I thought American doctors were bad, but at least they are aggressive. If the morons are so concerned about multiple births in a woman your age with a history of infertility (yeah, right--what med school did they go to?), then why didn't they just convert you to an IVF cycle, where they can then control the number of embryos they transfer?

I'm so sorry Thalia. But you need to get your hands on the Viagra. Do it. Also, if your husband is able to masturbate, then do that and have him ejaculate into a cup. You can then draw up the semen in a syringe (take off the needle first and leave it off). Insert the needleless syringe into your vagina while you are lying down and inject. Stay down for a half hour. From a cleanliness standpoint, this is no different from vaginal intercourse (it's call a vaginal insemination) so you don't have to have any concerns about infection, etc.

Please let us know what happens.

[wessel]

Oh, I see that Julianna already had this idea. Then, I second Julianna's suggestion!

[wessel]

And one more thing--it is NOT TRUE that you can't be converted to an IVF cycle. All they need to do is give you Antagon. Antagon is an "antagonist" and many RE's use them in place of GnRH agonists. In fact, I have never taken agonists (Lupron) but have always taken Antagon. Antagon is given when the largest follicle is at least 14mm, but can be given up to any time prior to getting an LH surge. A simple blood test would tell them if you had surged already. With the lead follicle at 22mm, it is possible that you have surged already, but you still have a 17mm and two 16mm, so from my point of view, you have 4 mature follicles. That is NOT too many to do an IUI.

Also Thalia, why didn't your husband renew his prescription? Is he ambivalent about having a baby? Do you have frozen specimens on ice for IUI? If not, it might be good to plan for that in the future. Get him his Viagra and then bank up every ejaculate until you have a nice supply. Then you won't have these worries. (of course, first you have to find a more reasonable, sane clinic where the doctors would do the IUI when you have 4 mature follicles).

I just can't believe how stupid they are being.

[Jenn]

I'm sorry. That happened to me one cycle with three follicles. Four treatment cycles later, same situation, they decided it was worth the risk. It sucks to have to sit out when you don't want to though.