Were it not that I have bad dreams*

When I first saw my new acupuncturist - on CD2 of this cycle- she asked how I slept. Well, I answered. Having been an insomniac as a teenager, I have essentially had no problems sleeping ever since my time in India when I was 19. But I think I may have spoken too soon.

On holiday I had several very poor nights' sleep. I tossed and turned, awoken by very vivid dreams in which people examined my ovaries over and over again. I blamed it on an uncomfortable bed and too much sun. But since we've returned, I've had several similar nights. Nights where I wake up from a vivid dream and it's bothered me so much I can't return to sleep. It doesn't help that our bedroom is not a very restful space right now - we have no curtains and we're just a few houses away from a main road so it can be a bit noisy. But really I think my mind/body is not in a good balance and it's coming out in my dreams.

Since we got back from holiday the dreams have followed a pattern. I'm in some kind of competition, or trying to complete a task, but things keep getting in the way. And mostly the things are unspecified, or things that I could ignore. I know everyone says this kind of conversation is horrifically boring but you don't have to read it, right? And last time I posted about a dream I got incredibly helpful insights, so I was hoping for a repeat.

For example, a few nights ago I dreamt that I had to catch a Japanese Airlines (v specific) plane. I was at the airport in Japan (again, v specific, although no one in the airport actually looked Japanese). I spent a long time wandering around the airport with two colleagues (vague, never saw them, didn't ascribe names to them), all the time with a nagging suspicion that I was supposed to be getting on the plane. Eventually we all headed towards the plane but there'd been some kind of accident and we had to go through a pod-like room where we had to jump over a place where the water was flooding in (water? in an airport?) and if I had fallen in I would have drowned. Lots of ppl were trying to fix the problem, and one man, wearing a lifejacket, tried to help me over the dangerous part. Eventually we got to the plane, and there were only three seats left, so we were late. But then for some reason I couldn't get on the plane then, they sent me back to get something (unspecified or I can't remember). Dream ends sometime after that.

Dream 2: Much vaguer. I was taking part in some kind of cooking competion (influenced by watching wickedly perfect?) in a large manor-house type place. I wasn't doing well but I also wasn't doing too badly. Lots of people gathering in corners to talk to me about things that were worrying them (unspecified). I was worried about being chucked out for failing but it never happened.

Dream three: Last night I dreamt I tried to smuggle cocaine into the country. I was handed the cocaine - a huge amount in two plastic packets - along with a bunch of syringes when I arrived somewhere (unspecified). It wasn't given to me as a smuggling thing, it wasn't a sordid exchange of money, it was given to me just as an aside. The syringes were the point and the cocaine was a free gift (!!). I thought about not packing it when I was getting ready to return home, then tucked it into my suitcase thinking, Oh well, no point leaving it behind. All was well until I was standing in the passport line (which didn't look like any line I've ever seen) and got nervous about the sniffer dogs sniffing me out as I went through customs on the other side. What was I thinking?! I went to the bathroom to get rid of it. But in every stall in the bathroom there were cameras. I was trying to find a space where the cameras couldn't see me but they seemed to be everywhere. Then I woke up.

There are more in the vein of dream 2, but those are all vaguer and not worth writing down. Possible interpretations: General anxiety dreams for me always involve being prevented from gettign somewhere on time. The specificity of the Japan thing is a new one and I'm not sure about the accident in the airport, that part of the dream is very vivid. No children or babies in any dream.

Clearly I am feeling anxious and as if I need to prove myself (dream 2). But why so many dreams all at once when I usually sleep so well? And why are they panicking me so much that I can't sleep again afterwards? Any suggestions other than taking sleeping pills gratefully received.

* special prize available for quote identification

Comments

[mm]

I can offer more commiseration than advice, unfortunately for us both. I seem to have morphed into a noctural being over the last couple years. The only thing that (occasionally) works for me is sleeping under a pillow to drown out noise and light... Hope you get a decent night's sleep soon.

[Tania]

Hmmmmm..... I love crazy dreams.....

Could the flooding in the airport just be a manifestation of everything that's on the news from New Orleans?

I can also see where syringes could enter your dreams - lord knows we see enough needles in the course of a cycle.

I would guess you're having so many dreams because your brain is just working overtime - I sometimes find that when I think I have a pretty good grasp of my emotions in the day-to-day aspect of life, I'm not as much in control as I think because that's when my dreams tend to act up.

Take lots of naps.

: )

[chee chee]

I don't know, hun. It definitely sounds like you are having a fear of failing to accomplish some task, like being unable to board the plane, even after jumping over hurdles. Also, you seem somehow alienated from everyone else, like the people standing in the passport line. The dreams may be related to IF, fear of it not working, fear of being left on the "parenthood sidelines" -- being left in the airport or prevented from boarding the plane. But this may be a stretch. I hope you sleep better soon.

[elle]

I too am stumped, but a prize to you for at least being creative about it. I know what you mean about noise - living in Brooklyn - very loud. We use fans as white noise. Or earplugs, but then you can hear yourself breathing.

[Reprogirl]

The quote is killing me. I'm pretty sure it's Shakespeare, and a tragedy. Hamlet maybe?

(Please don't tell me it's a quote from Desparate Housewives or a Coldplay song or something. Won't I look stupid then?)

As for the meaning of the dreams - I naturally look for a fertility theme in them (since that's the big issue in your life that I know about). It's not too hard to see a connection between fertility stuff and cooking. Basically we all get a recipe every month and tinker with it to see if we can cook something up in the oven - a bun, some might say. We add a pinch of clomid here, a teaspoon of gonal-f there, and hope to hell the damn thing rises. Being in a competition and not sure how you're doing - well, I think that makes sense since you're on the brink of major intervention and wondering about how it will go, and there's no question that this reproduction thing feels like a competition at times.

And the drugs and syringes - well, I don't think I need to say more. Maybe you have some feelings that the drugs you'll be taking are illicit in some way, and have to be hidden. That would make sense.

No idea about the airport though.

[Megan]

Everyone else appears to be much better at dream analysis than me, so I'll leave that part to them.
As for sleeping better, I recommend one of those noise machines, the kind that play all kinds of soothing sounds like rain or waves. And get some lavender oil and put a few drops on your pillow before you go to bed.
These 2 things, plus not watching the news have really helped with my anxiety dreams/nightmares. Good luck with yours.

[OvaGirl]

I understand that dreams about transport are connected to you on your life's journey, so at the airport being held up or prenvented from following your path be it career or life or whatever. Water is meant to represent emotions but it seems like you are taking on some of the flood imagery from tv.

Also, dreams about houses are often dreams about yourself and different rooms and levels represent aspects of your life. So I would think kitchen would represent um I don't know...need to nurture?...and you're being watched or judged but you're getting by ok?

Dreams about shit are meant to be great because it's your subconscious getting that stuff (worries, fears, anger etc) out of your system, so I feel like the coke in the toilet is your need to get something out of your system, something you've taken on thinking it's harmless but now feel guilty and fearful about and now you're worrying about being seen to get rid of it too....

Probably all a bunch of bollocks but I love reading about people's dreams!

No clue about the quote...

[Girl Detective]

I'm late to the comments here,and I would have known the quote, too! As for the dreams, I wouldn't sweat the details. It sounds as if you're aware of your anxieties. As for the insomnia, I've had some nasty bouts of late. I recommend no late desserts as a preventative, then cat/cow pose in yoga, which can be done on all fours, standing, or on one's side in bed. And the following day, as impossible as I know it sounds, try to find a way to nap sometime after lunch.