The big guns

The appointment with Dr Candour was good. Not good as in: I had a good time, we laughed, we shared a glass of wine; but good as in he listened, he said sorry, he gave us honest opinions. He wants to share the letter I wrote describing our experiences this cycle - good and bad - with his staff. He told us he thought they had lost our trust, and that if we wanted to go elsewhere he'd understand. I immediately decided that he was trying to fire us as patients. He insisted he wasn't, just trying to give us an out if we wanted one. Cynical bitch that I am - H. saw no such subtext!

Eventually I decided to believe him. He told me that if at any point in the next cycle I have questions that his staff aren't answering, I should just call his assistant. If he is around, he will take the call. If he is not, he will call me back that evening. He had even found me some additional research papers to look at to complement what I'd read. It's the paper that justifies their clinical practice, I'll post the title some other time.

We came out with a game plan, which is to do IVF. He didn't recommend it, but when I asked about it, he eventually, after much prodding, agreed it was probably the right choice at this point. Since IUI, as he put it, "will not be straightforward for you," I don't see any point in messing around with it any more. At 38.75 I don't feel like waiting around, particularly since they will not do IUI two cycles in a row. That he was most definite about - he insisted that after producing four follicles my left ovary would be twice as large as it should be and it needed time to recover. Of course they could do an IUI with no drugs, but I think he thinks that is quite pointless. I'll ask him. Not because it will change our course now, but because I'd like to know.

So we're booked in for the set-up appointment on 7 September where we get to answer all sorts of questions about our preferences for our embryos, and presumably learn even more about injections, get our prescriptions sorted out. My clinic doesn't do the sniffy Synarel, so it's injections for me from the get go. But no progesterone injections - they use progesterone pessaries. Rectal pessaries. Anyone else do those? Oh, and hand over £1,900. How silly of me to forget that.

I should start a new cycle about 2 weeks after that. Suppression starts on day 21 of that cycle, all things being well and me not being cystic or high FSH, yada yada yada. So we'll be doing retrieval some time in the last week of October. Assuming we don't get cancelled. Fuck. The last week of October. Until I just sat and calculated it I had no idea how far away that was. That's a really really long way away. Damn my clinic and their concern for my health. Why can't we get started now????

I have another post brewing about how I feel about the decision to go for IVF, but it's a post on its own, so I'll work on it tomorrow and post it separately.

Thanks again to you all for your comments on the last post. If I wasn't so fat I'd be baking this weekend and at least able to post pictures of the cookies you requested a few weeks ago. But I gained three pounds in the last month, and am now 10 pounds heavier than this time last year. Enough is enough. I'm not going to kill myself, but I am going to get back into proper, minimum three times a week exercise and eating a lot less crap. I know I feel better when my clothes fit. I know I do.

One batch of brownies wouldn't hurt, though, would it?

Comments

[Amanda]

Oh, I don't see the harm in one batch. (I'm so not a good influence, am I?) Congrats on the plan. I hope time flies by faster than you expect.

[Nico]

I'm glad the appointment with Dr. C went well. I hope when I talk to my Doc she's as responsive!

October does seem like it's a long time away, but I bet it will be here before you know it.

[Panda]

October...thats only 8 weeks. A poofteenth of a bee's dick.

One batch of brownies couldnt possibly hurt. And anyway, its therapy right?

[Meg]

I think the batch of brownies sounds like a good idea.

The IVF waiting time is weird, it seems like forever and then next thing you know your in a 2 week wait.
I've had the pessaries, but used them vaginally and felt like I had thrush after about 2 days, but I hate injections.

You are doing the right thing pushing ahead. I feel we lost valuable time TTC. I was 38 when I started and after 6 months started getting tests. But it wasn't until 16 months down the track when my Dr sent me to the IVF Dr that we found out it was male factor. It pisses me off that we wasted 8 months or more with me being tested for everything under the sun and being told there was nothing wrong. I could have been doing ICSI much earlier instead of aged 39-40.

[MsPrufrock]

I think IUI is a big, fat waste of time personally, and just ignore the fact that I keep saying "yes" to IUIs whilst dragging my feet at IVF.

In my latest post I talked about my new love of pessaries, though I could have sworn you have the option of taking them vaginally or rectally. I'm far from an expert though.

I'm with you on the weight thing, but can I have some brownies too?

[Pamplemousse]

£1900??? Wow, that is a good dealio! Glad Dr Candour lived up to his name.

[Jenn]

I did the suppositories (pessaries) both vaginally and rectally. They switched me to rectally when I started bleeding. I MUCH prefer vaginal though. Rectally, they burned and made me feel like I had to GO. Plus gave me horrible horrible gas (sorry, you asked lol) Plus, for a little more TMI, I don't think they ever melted completely and my progesterone levels dropped when I did them rectally and went back up when I switched back to vaginal. Just one girl's tale of the rectal suppository.

[Megan]

October will be here before you know it! Congratulations on making the big leap. I would've done the same thing in your situation.
And I'm right with you on the weight too. But I think one more batch of therapeutic brownies will definately not hurt you. (us)

[Anna]

Definitely go for the brownies. I'm so sorry it didn't work for you while you were on holiday. That would have been perfect - but I'm wishing you the absolute best on the upcoming IVF cycle.

I never did pessaries but have been on intramuscular injections of the progesterone. I didn't mind, but I needed to put heat on the site afterwards and then have dh massage the area. That prevented painful 'knots' developing, and increases the absorption.

My fingers are crossed for you - please keep us posted and have a lovely weekend!

[Tania]

It's amazing how far off the start of IVF is from the time you decide to do it... I think we went to our first info meeting in Feb and didn't do our first cycle until late June.

I'm right there with you on the 10 pounds over deal. In the end I kept promising myself I'd do something about it, but it never really happened and my goals kept getting more and more pitiful. Oh well, someday I'll get unchunky....

Brownies sound soooooo good! If I had any staples in my house, I might make some.

I'll be checking up on your progress with IVF!

I've done suppositories before but never through the back door. yikes!

[Reprogirl]

In the circumstances, I would say brownies are definitely called for.

[mm]

The brownies are a brilliant idea. I'm happy to volunteer my services if you need help disposing of any extras. Oink. Glad you have a plan in place, even if it does involve rectal suppositories. I'm with everyone else as far as the timing-- injections have a way of making the days fly by. Good luck!!

[Mellie]

Enjoy the brownies. October will be here in the blink of an eye. I'm glad that you were able to have a real heart-to-heart with your doctor and that he seriously addressed your concerns. Sounds like you're in good hands.

[chee chee]

Sounds like Dr. C addressed many of your concerns. I think that's great!

As for IVF, I'm right there with you -- taking the leap. We meet with our RE on Sept. 16th (next available appt.) to discuss IVF and from there we attend orientation to discuss meds, injections, etc. I won't know about our protocol until after our meeting.

Good luck to both of us.

[heleen]

Good luck to the three of us. I have the same meeting on the 7th of September: signing consent forms, learning about the injections and leaving a bag of $$. They expect me to have egg retrieval the 10th of October. I get a bit nervous when I think about it. Hope everything will turn out very well for all of us.

[April]

Honey I say eat all the damn brownies you want.

I, like you, don't see the point in wasting time with IUIs. Let's move on to something with the hope of more concrete results. We've waited long enough right?

Thinking of you...

[OvaGirl]

And lo she had a PLAN. October may seem ages away but in the big picture of everything it's just the blink of an eye. You can use the time to get yourself ready, mentally, physically, everythinglly...which means Bake brownies Now!

Good luck... we had our meeting a while back but my retrieval (*fingers crossed, knocks wood in frenzied motion and spills tea in process*) will be sometime in Oct...

[Sandy]

Congrats on the decision. And enjoy the brownies. Brownies are never a bad thing in my opinion. (my thighs disagree but I can tune them out ... )

[Teresa]

October seems like an eternity away. Months are no longer months to us anymore... they are cycles, and each day takes too long. I feel for you. I hope the time flies.

[Simone]

Pass the brownies.
I am joining the Sept/Oct gang.
That's 4 of us! Quite a gang!
Let's hold hands. And skip together.

[Girl Detective]

Don't fret about your weight. You're lovely. Clothes fit and they don't; it's a cycle. Remember that great part in Bridget Jones' Diary where she's finally down to her target weight, and all her friends tell her she looks ill? Brownies are good for the soul, and your soul needs some looking after with all the turmoil you've got.

[Katty]

Rectal Pessaries.
I found these rather... undignified. There was something about having lots of people peer up my nether regions, and then go home and stick my finger up my bum, which did me in somewhat.
The good thing about rectal pessaries is they don't fall out. The bad thing is the doing of it: I honestly don't think I have ever stuck my own finger up my bottom before (does this make me square?) and it felt... as if it shouldn't be there.
The vagina: well, that's a doddle. Disadvantages. The pessary leaks out and DON'T DO A WEE AFTER PUTTING IT IN. Go before hand. Mine fell out into the loo. You have to imagine you are putting in a lillet as far up as you can, and then squeeze to hold it in place. Otherwise tit sticks to your finger and follows you out.
Altogether, I found injections far more clinical.
Also progesterone has given me very bad PMT. And spots.
In fact, the progesterone suppositories have caused me more hassle than any other part of the entire cycle. Isn't that odd.