I had a dream

I know other people's dreams are singularly dull to hear about, but then you guys are free to stop reading at any point!

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I had a baby boy. I had rejected any prenatal testing (I think I'd read someone's blog that day who had done that, my intention if we were to get pregnant would be to do some testing), and when the baby was born I thought he looked fine, if a bit tiny, but everyone around me was trying to avoid my eyes, and gradually his face changed a little until it started to look as if he had Down's syndrome - very very mildly - around the eyes. I wasn't in hospital but in a big house with lots of rooms, quite dark. There was another child with me, looking at the baby. I have the impression she was a girl, but I wasn't paying much attention. H wasn't around.

After a period of looking at the baby, he suddenly clambered out of my arms,  and started running around on little skinny legs. He, in my mind in the dream, was still a new baby - there had been no elapsed time - but he looked like a miniature 3 year old (i.e., after they've lost that toddler pot belly), with more hair, a more developed face, but still with very skinny baby-like legs. He had a pointy little face, with no signs of Down's syndrome, and kept running away from me when I tried to catch him. He was running away from me because I'd doubted him by seeing the Down's syndrome that initially I had not seen but that those around me had.

And then I woke up.

Sometimes my dreams leave me very grumpy but this one did not. It didn't leave me happy either, just philosophical. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to take away from it. Perhaps something about being judgemental. I am, very. Yet in the dream I wasn't judgemental until others around me started to be. I was happy with that baby how he was, although I was worried about whether or not he was ok.

I hope I get the chance to not be judgemental about my baby.

Comments

[ovagirl]

Wow. That's some dream. Have you heard the theory that everyone that appears in your dream is actually an aspect of you?

[chee chee]

Maybe the idea of the baby running away is synonomous with infertility . . . you feel like a baby is always outside of your grasp, beyond your reach (I know I feel that way).