5dpo and I'm feeling optimistic. Let's be clear I have no reason to feel this way, but somehow the 2ww mostly finds me that way. Then of course there's the lying on the floor and crying when it doesn't work, but that's still to come.
My dilemma is always how much do I allow myself to hope, and how much do I stop myself from hoping and act negative. On the first hand, hoping is a nice way to feel, even if it is for only 2 weeks. Optimistic, a spring in my step, an amazing ability to resist bad food in case it harms the chances of the pregnancy sticking (yeah, I know, but humour me). However when the bleeding starts - or rather when I know it's about to start because my temperature drops - it's all misery and I think it's that much worse if I allow myself to hope before hand. However walking around convinced it's never going to work is not a pleasant place to be and certainly doesn't improve my marriage.
On reflection, I'm not sure I have much choice in the matter. I seem to start hoping around 3dpo whatever happens. I should learn to just live with it and enjoy it, right?
Right. Learn to enjoy that feeling of hope. I swear, at some point I think I became addicted to the hope that I had during the 2 week wait; like that feeling you get when you buy a powerball ticket up until the time the numbers are drawn. During that interim period, there is that feeling that you might be a winner this time. And lets face it, the fertility game is a gamble.
Posted by: Enough Already | Friday, 24 June 2005 at 01:22
The 2ww is the only time I give hope free reign. I honestly don't think it makes it any worse. And we all need a break from the gloom and doom sometime. Why not two weeks when you MIGHT be pregnant? That's better than knowing you're not.
Hang in there, hope it goes by fast for you. And that you get a positive!
Posted by: susie | Friday, 24 June 2005 at 02:26
Hey, I'm exactly the same. And the only time I don't get depressed when that two week wait is up is when I have heaps of work on and I'm too busy to dwell on things and before I know it I'm in that 2 week wait again...
Posted by: msdarwin | Friday, 24 June 2005 at 10:49
If you can enjoy it, than do! I've surprised myself this month by actually not being so hopeful. And honestly, that's been okay too. I find myself getting ready, mentally, for IVF in 6 months, and perhaps that is making the lack of optimism more bearable for me. So, whichever way you feel, is great. Don't force yourself into thinking you should be feeling something else.
Posted by: Mellie | Friday, 24 June 2005 at 15:00
I think it's wonderful to be hopeful, just let yourself enjoy the possibility of new life. This is the first cycle (I'm maybe 3-4dpo) when I am totally without hope. For the first time in months, I did no OPKs, no temps, I am waiting for a laparoscopy later this summer and given the state of affairs, I don't have the energy to even be optimistic. Yikes -- what a downer I am! Good luck to you!!!
Posted by: Chee Chee | Friday, 24 June 2005 at 22:45
If things don't turn out, it will suck no matter what you've done or how you've felt leading up to it, so you might as well enjoy it now.
Posted by: cass | Saturday, 25 June 2005 at 19:51
As much as the 2ww sucks, it is also an amazing time when you can really believe that you may just be pg. It is so wonderful to fall asleep thinking "maybe" and waking up thinking "maybe".
With all our dissappointments, It's lovely to have those times when you think it just might be your turn.
Enjoy & I sincerely hope it is your turn toots.
Posted by: Simone | Sunday, 26 June 2005 at 04:21
If your mind and spirit are telling you to hope, then hope away!
still always find it so weird that we feel like hope is a feeling we have to protect ourselves from, even though that's how I feel. I will guarandamntee you that for someone who hasn't gone through this, the idea of worrying about whether or not you should hope would be incomprehensible.
I'm sure in the end that being hopeful is much better for you all around then being hopeless, so revel in it!
Posted by: Tania | Sunday, 26 June 2005 at 17:31