Thank you everyone. I'm doing ok. Our holiday hotel is not quite what we expected (rather more of a resort than a secluded upmarket beach place, but very nice with it), but we are having a lovely time in the wind and the sun. Pob has charmed everyone in the hotel with many shouts of "Dad DAD dad DAD DAD!" As well as lots of crawling after dangerous or forbidden items, and even more smiling and waving. She's developed a very cute habit of shrugging her shoulders up to her ears and grinning and giggling simultaneously. She does it when she sees her teddy, when she thinks something is funny (not much rhyme or reason to what she thinks is funny), or when we are laughing at her. It's a virtuous cycle.
I am doing ok. I was pretty sad on Monday, sadder than I thought I would be. The thing that really made me cry, however, was having to wait 35 minutes at the clinic for my bloody blood test. Which takes about 90 seconds once someone calls you. It's not as if there were lots of people waiting, just 5 or so in line in front of me when I arrived. And plenty of nurses, just none of them taking blood, for about 25 minutes. Somehow the utter injustice, as well as the stress of trying to get into work early so I could leave early and do Pob's packing before she went to bed, just got to me and I ended up in tears when the nurse who finally called me in then asked me if I had permission to have my blood test on day 13. What was I going to say at that point, no?
Anyway, I knew it would be negative, even while I sort of hoped otherwise. But really, Aurelia aside, my internal instinct, my sensing based on vague symptoms, and the pee sticks, have always been true before, so there's no particular reason to doubt them now. And they were spot on.
What's next? Of course, sod's law, I'm travelling over the days I will probably ovulate this month, so we're unlikely to have another miracle. We'll see Dr Candour on the 28th for a review. The question is whether it's worth doing another fresh cycle given how crappy my eggs turned out to be this time, even while there were a lot of them. H thinks we should give fresh one more try. I dunno, I've lost faith in my eggs somewhat. I've ordered some DHEA, will give that a try and at the very least, we will do a frozen cycle in October - September is just too busy with work for it to be realistic. We're down but we're not out.
Will write more when I get back from holiday. Thank you again for your lovely messages.