I don't deserve you

I felt quite bad about that post after I wrote it. Like that stroppy email you should save and reflect on ovenight, rather than sending. I did in fact save it instead of posting, and wrote the Nostalgia post instead. But instead of saving to draft I saved it for later posting, and I was so busy at the end of last week I forgot and it got posted. By the time I remembered it already had 15 comments which I didn't want to lose, so I left it.

Despite my red face, I got so much out of your comments, thank you. I think you were all incredibly gracious given my moaning. You wrote some very wise thoughts. I do know that readers move on, and I understand that very well, particularly when they are still in the trenches. So it wasn't about any of my bloggy friends who have just retreated from the bloggy world as it became less and less helpful for them. It was more about those who are still around, yet no longer present here and in some other parts of the community which was once central to them.

It also wasn't about the early pioneers, as electriclady described them, the first wave of 2003/2004. They only very rarely commented here, although I know they read a bit more often than that, so I didn't feel the same sense of us all being in it together with them as I did with those of us who were all in the trenches together during 2005/2006/2007.

In additoin, one of the things I should have written is, "If you are reading this, it isn't about you." It turns out, understanding myself a bit better than I did a few days ago, that my real sadness wasn't so much about the comments, although I do love a bit of validation when it comes my way, but the loss of some of those relationships, and a sense of injustice that I didn't stop being supportive of them, yet they have moved on from me. I was once part of a community where just over 200 people congratulated me on the birth of my daughter. I am still part of a community, but a different one, a different shape and with a different purpose. Not a single purpose but a mess of different purposes, hence less of a unifying force and more of an underlying loyalty based on historical relationships. Some of those relationships were stronger than others, I should not be surprised at that although I allow myself a little bit of sadness.

But your comments helped me a great deal and gave me a bit of renewed energy for blogging. Thank you so very much for your thoughtfulness and fulfilling a need despite my worst side coming out. You're the best.

Comments

[Shazz]

I just think sometimes it's better out. I just went on a big cleaning spree of my Blog and still have more to go, so truely your not alone.

Lots of hugs.

[Calliope]

I totally hear you on the loss of some internet relationships. And I know that many of the readers I once had no longer visit me because they are not where I am and it is a sort of self preservation tactic to stay away...but I miss them. And like you I will continue to keep cheering them on.

[Kath]

Dear Thalia, well if that's your worst side, you're a far better person than I!

[niobe]

:)

[serenity]

"I was once part of a community where just over 200 people congratulated me on the birth of my daughter. I am still part of a community, but a different one, a different shape and with a different purpose."

Yes. I feel the very same way; mourning the idea of being connected to a community the way it was before.

So I personally am very glad you posted. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

xxx

[Girl Detective]

I,, too, struggle with the desire to be validated by comments, on FB and weblog, and have to keep reminding myself, I blog for myself, and if others like it, that's great, but it's gravy.

[PiquantMolly]

I know. Things really have changed, and everyone moves on. I'm hoping most of us will hang around the internet, because it will be very lonely here otherwise.

[LutC]

Well, it has crossed my mind a few times to stop blogging, precisely because I feel a bit abandoned myself.

Then again, my posts are about as exciting as a captain's log, stating wind direction, speed, etc.

[Anna H.]

Don't be red-faced or embarrassed, sweet lady!

[Summer]

Ah, yes, the mourning of the loss of a community. I have felt that myself. Kind of like you have moved to a new place and can't quite figure out your place in it. Except it's more like the neighborhood changed even though you haven't moved a cm/inch.

[May]

Ahh, of course you deserve us. You're such a lovely, kind person.

[Lynnette]

I'm just catching up on my Bloglines (I'll never REALLY catch up) but wanted you to know I still look forward to, and read your blog. I never let more than a post or two of yours pile up to read. I feel like one of the 2005-2007 trench-sharers. Still regret not hooking up during my very brief UK layover on the way to S. Africa in 2006. Frankly, I never understood how you found the time since I saw your comments everywhere! Sorry I'm not a good commenter anymore. I'm literally fried most of the day. It's me not you. Hugs.

[Krista]

200 people congratulated you on the birth of your daughter, that's fantastic.

I so enjoyed meeting you. I hope we can meet again someday and maybe have our kids play!

[Shannon]

Sorry-have been typically snowed under with work but often here, rarely commenting, because I am a dick and must remedy that. Many apologies, Thalia - I read and I care!

[Mrs. Hope]

I do still read, though obviously I missed a few posts in there. I don't know - I guess I don't read anyone as much as I used to, and I know I don't comment as much anymore as a result.

I do remember 2005-07 in blogland with some nostalgia. So many of the bloggers I started with aren't here anymore.

[Orodemniades]

I'm still reading too! And I miss those who've left us as well. I know some are on FB but i have no idea how to contact them at all...ah well

[Hetty Fauxvert]

Oh dear ... wandering in late ... just to say that although I admit I drop by more seldom now, I am so glad you and the family are all doing well, and that you update from time to time. I find that I tend to quit frequenting blogs that are not updated on a regular basis, even my very favorites. Oddly enough, it's my disappointment that my favorite bloggers (and yes, this includes you!) have not put anything new up that causes me to be reluctant to come back again. After I've checked and seen the same old post five times in a row, I start to feel like a cyber-stalker (or at least a complete prat!) for continuing to check.

I hope these new posts from you indicate even more posts coming in the near future! :)