Still feeling optimistic about this cycle. Let's see how long that lasts.
A friend of mine at work had a miscarriage yesterday at just past 13 weeks. She had been very cautious and told no one til after the 12 week scan. I spotted her at about 10 weeks and offered her a thought on clothes to wear to keep the pregnancy hidden longer since she was clearly nervous about people knowing. We had a good chat and I was delighted when she wrote to me 10 days ago to tell me about the good scan, about how excited she was and about her due date of 26 April.
Today I heard from another colleague that my friend had lost the baby. The day immediately greyed around me. I have no idea why this loss has affected me so but I've been on the verge of tears all day. I just wrote to my colleague to let her know I was thinking of her, and characteristically she wrote straight back to say thank you. Because it was past 12 weeks she went through a sort of labour and got to see her tiny, perfectly formed baby. She is cocooning with her husband right now. I don't know her very well (and remember, we are English) so I don't think there is anything else she would welcome from me right now but maybe I will send chocolate or something in a few days.
I want to do more, though, but I suspect that is more about my needs than hers. I think part of my distress is the shock. She is young, they conceived first time, the 12 week scan showed everything was perfect. I just assumed all would be well for her. Miscarriages aren't that common, right? But they are, even for the supposedly fertile friends we struggle with. And perhaps every time we grieve for someone else, we feel our own losses again. My losses are minor compared to many of my friends' in this community, but perhaps we feel all those losses, just a little bit.
I'm so sorry, friend. I wish it hadn't happened. I hope it never happens again.