It's been both a lovely weekend and a tough weekend. I was pretty sad yesterday morning, although hanging out with Pob is enough to lift my mood almost entirely, so I was nowhere near where I would have been 2 years ago. We had visitors nearly all weekend, and multiple people in each slot, as this is the last 'free' weekend we have unti the end of September due to holiday, weddings, hen parties, and the birthday parties of all the babies from my antenatal class. We had friends from university and their children. We had my father. We had my mother (not at the same time). We had one of Pob's honorary Gdparents and her daughter. Pob did amazingly well with all these visitors, particularly with the three big girls (5, 5, and 3) who were here today, who all wanted her to do various things with them. She good naturedly let them marshall her around, enticing her into her paddling pool by holding out her teddy in front of her, etc. She was a bit of a star.
The toughness was mostly about the not-pregnancy. Because I was sad on Saturday, and the the friend who stayed on Saturday night tried hard to cheer me up by talking about how great it is to have an only child (she has a five year old and is unlikely to have any more for various reasons, not really by choice but by circumstance). I just am not ready for that conversation. I know if Pob is an only child she will be fine, better than fine, but at the moment I want her to have a sibling for all the reasons I've discussed before.
The odd thing about the weekend is that I kept feeling an ache in my pelvis, with occasional sharp pains around where I imagine my ovaries are. I decided it was just my incipient period, althogh surprised as the gestone usually keeps it well at bay. On my way to bed just now, I decided to pee on another stick, just for the hell of it. It was white.
Then I brushed my teeth, washed my face. Took about 5 minutes, say.
And then, as you do, I looked at the stick again, and saw maybe a shadow of a very faint line. So faint that I'm sure H couldn't see it, unused as he is to peering at these things. So faint that I'm not convinced it's there. So faint that I had to hold up a positive from when I was pregnant with Pob (yes I have the sticks stacked in a drawer in our bathroom, so what?), to make sure the line i thought I was seeing was where a positive line would be should there be one. Sadly the blank one from yesterday has long since been thrown in the dustbin, and I'm not desperate enough to go searching for it to do a comparison.
So here's the story. It may be, possibly (because it could also be an evap line), that I am a little bit pregnant. A little bit. These FRERs measure something between 6.3 and 25mIU/ml of beta-hcg, depending on which site you read. If I'm pregnant to the tune of 6.3mIU on 9dp3dt, well, let's face it, chances are this will drag on for a few days and then crash and burn. In fact, it's eerily similar to the FET, where i had a positive on a peestick on about the same day, only I didn't even realise it until after the beta came back at 70mIU. And then it stayed at 70mIU. And then I'd had my first chemical pregnancy.
And it still may not be a real line.
Beta in the morning. Flights on Tuesday morning to Ireland. Who knows?