I'm really doing rubbish at posting. I'm doing great at writing long posts in my head. Just last night, between 0130 and 0330, when Pob and I were both up, I wrote several posts. One about sleep and my increasing desperation. One about the US democratic nominee. One about a recent UK TV programme about childhood. One about sleep again. One about Pob's development. One about food, my weight, my body, my lack of exercise. Another one about sleep.
Yes, none of them sound particularly interesting, do they? Not surprising since my brain is pretty mushy these days. I simply can't remember words any more. Took me a while to call up the word 'oblivious' last night at dinner. I said 'obtuse' instead. Which really doesn't mean the same thing, but at least shows my brain works at some level since it got the first letter right. I was with a friend who is in the middle of a bad love situation. It's really bad love. It's been bad love for a while and I wish it was over but she says he is the love of her life despite the fact he is never going to be there for her in the way she deserves, so she keeps on plodding on. She is a very loyal person. We've been friends for 22 years now so I think I can say that with some authority. We've all given up being anything other than quietly supportive, but it's hard sometimes not to rant and rave about how she needs to look after herself.
I won't go on about the sleeping, but I will say that I am now utterly conflicted about what philosophy to follow. I find it inherently hard to believe it's 'good' for my baby to be left to cry for any length of time, or that she needs to learn that we won't come in the night when she cries. But also I do really need to sleep - H and I both do - and taking her into bed with us - the sure fire way to get her back to sleep with minimal pain - only results in one or both of us not sleeping as we curl around Pob and she periodically bashes us in the face or offers us her dummy. So I dunno what to do. It's been 4 months since she's slept through the night (and when I say that, what I mean is from 11pm or so til 7 or so). I'm very tired.