BT still sucks. Took several days longer than even a basic new connection to get our broadband reestablished. Despite the fact they all admitted it was their fault we got cut off in the first place. And we had to move the router to get the connection to work. So now it's under Pob's high chair which is not really ideal. But apparently the fact that the line in the study is not of sufficient quality for the router to be connected there is not their fault, either. I still want to kill someone as some kind of revenge for the hours I spent on the phone to them, the misery of talking to 17 different people, none of whom ever seemed to be able to access the records of our previous conversations, the people who made me cry...anyway, it was all rubbish and it's not over yet, but at least we're back on line. I hadn't consciously articulated the extent to which I depend on the internet(s) to keep me sane, to help me live my life.
Life is pretty hectic. We hired a nanny, neither of the two I wrote about before. She starts on 12 May. I'm going back to work 4 days a week (or 80%) on 19 May. Until then I'm working the equivalent of one day a week which is really cutting into my Pob time. We don't have any childcare set up but H is around some of the time, my mum has done some, and I've arranged telcos for when Pob is napping. I've been cooking all Pob's food, which takes quite a bit of time. Pob still isn't sleeping very well. I'm preparing to take Pob away for 2 weeks.The first to run a training course, my mum is coming to look after Pob so that I can work during the day. The second week Po and I will join H in Italy for a holiday. The amount of stuff I seem to need to take for her is quite extraordinary, I'm just glad mum doesn't think she needs to take much for herself. The trip is necessitating the purchase of a readily foldable stroller to get through customs. I really want a Bugaboo Bee, which is supposed to be foldable with one hand, but H and I tried it yesterday and it really isn't. The Maclaren techno is, but it's hideous, and doesn't look nearly as comfortable for Pob. But I should stop being such a fashion victim and just buy the Maclaren, yes?
I stopped pumping. I dropped the daytime pumps a few weeks ago, while we had visitors here from the US. After we stopped feeding Pob at 2230, I kept pumping at that time, partly in case we went back to doing that feed, partly to build a freezer stash for when I stopped breast feeding, so she could have breast milk for a bit longer. For the first few nights I got loads at this pump (for me) - around six or seven ounces (180-210ml). Then it started dropping, down to around 100mls. And looking thinner. It started to feel less important that I keep going. Last Saturday night was my last pump. Medela are coming to collect my Symphony on Tuesday. Today I threw away some of my more abused pumping equipment. Tomorrow I'm packing away the steriliser we kept in our bedroom for night time cleaning.
I don't miss the pumping (hahahaha) but I am finding it hard, and sad, to stop breast feeding. As expected, once I got down to two feeds a day, which is what I'm on now, my supply dropped fairly precipitously. Pob is still getting what she needs in the morning, as she has her porridge straight afterwards, but in the evening she has a bottle afterward the breast feed, and the amount she takes from the bottle has been steadily increasing over the last few days. I think in a week's time we'll be done with breast feeding. On the one hand, Yay us for keeping it up for so long after all the early misery, on the other hand, boo hoo for the loss of that physical relationship. I have too much to say on this to keep it to one paragraph, I'll try to write it another time.
In stopping pumping I've lost a couple of my opportunities to blog and comment. I no longer sit in bed in the middle of the night, with my lovely mac to keep me company, bottles attached to my boobs. I do miss that time, a bit. Well, I do and I don't. I wish I had not had to pump. I'm glad I did pump. I'm glad I had the internets to keep me going while I did. I miss the time I had to myself when I pumped while Pob and H slept. It was good and it was bad. It was.