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Friday, 14 September 2007

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Bea

Nah, I think that'd be great. There'd have to be rules, of course - limits on googling, that sort of thing. Or at least limits on reporting of googling. Sigh. Oh for an IF prenatal class.

Bea

Lori

An antenatal class for infertiles would've been much more fun. I never did go to one here because of the bedrest but I wasn't in much of a frame of mind to handle to happy go lucky pregnant women I would've likely encountered.
As for the diatribe of the instructor - I do hope you send her a note. What she said was wrong and completely unnecessary. It sounds like she needs to be more aware of her inaccuracies.
As to the return to work issues - it sounds like you've got a great amount of time available to be home and get to know your daughter.

Cat, Galloping

In some ways it would be great, but isn't it kind of nice to escape that stuff, too?

BrooklynGirl

My prenatal class required very little personal interaction: it was mostly about how the hospital where I was delivering tended to handle things. Even so, I felt very much a fish out of water, reluctant to talk to anyone about anything.

I don't think I needed a separate infertile class, though--isn't that what the blogosphere's for?

Flicka

Your description of that diatribe made me so furious! You hold a PhD and you've been going down this infertility road for so long. How dare she think you would do anything to endanger this pregnancy? It's as though she thinks you're out there lifting steel beams without a brain in your head. I admire you for not ripping her to shreds right then and there. Gah.

Antenatal class for infertiles? Sounds awesome.

Aurelia

Isn't that odd, every prenatal instructor I've ever heard of is a nutbar, just like you described. All of them, useless. I ended up going just for the tour and for things like Brooklyn girl described, like hospital policy, etc.

Actually, my support group has a separate support group for people who are pregnant after a loss, because you can't go to the IF or miscarriage support one while pregnant. I never went, it didn't exist then, but it sounded good.

Tinker

I think a class of infertiles would be great! I hate those moments of jealousy around fertiles, and even more than that, I hate the inane undereducated and completely clueless questions they ask. With age, I'm clearly getting less tolerant of that kind of stuff.

As for the instructor's diatribe, I suspect she's a fertile too.

May

I would absolutely adore to be part of an IF prenatal class. I missed out on the whole experience due to being in the hospital from 24 weeks onward, but there was a support group there for those of us on hospital bedrest. We did wind each other up a bit, but overall the sense of not being alone that came from being part of a whole group of women experiencing precarious and scary pregnancies was fabulous.

Definitely send the instructor a note. And if you have any sticky return address labels with your name listed as "Dr. So-and-so, go ahead and use one of those on the envelope. I find that mine do wonders in situations like this.

soralis

Now that sounds like a great prenatal class! I went to a class for folks expecting multiples and 2 of the gals got PG with twins their first month of trying. From what I could tell I was the only IVF'er in there, I felt like such an outsider.

MsPrufrock

Must...comment. No time to do so at the moment. I will be back!

MoMo

I think having in IF prenatal class. I think we can relate to each other and we never have to explain our feelings...or pretend that we have no worries!

Anna

An antenatal class for infertiles sounds just brilliant! And I think everyone would help reassure and support those who were worried, not wind them up.

I can't believe your instructor gave you that bunk! I worked until 38w4d, because they induced me at 38w5d. I'm not doing manual labor, so it really wasn't a problem for me to work right up until delivery. And the Bee was 7 pounds even. Sheesh! I am sure you'll be just fine.

BTW, I had a dejavu last night that you were going to go really soon... Sorry I can't be even more vague for you! Two weeks! Holy cow....

Ms. Planner

I wish they had those kinds of social support systems here in the States. Or, myabe they do, and I just haven't gotten that far into being privy to these things.

Your idea of an IF antenatal class is a good one. And, boo!, to the crazy lady instructor for taking you to task. Seriously.

Betty M

I didn't tell my class about the IF - I wanted just to blend in and try and pretend that getting to that point was done the regular way. I was lucky to be in a class with more people in their late 30s than you so having a baby older was less of an issue and we got less of the abuse from the teacher. We all worked up to the wire - investment banker other halves being distinctly absent for all but one of us. I found with the 2 really young ones who got pregnant after a month with their partner/on their honeymoon that they had their 2nd after I had managed a fet, a m/c and 2 cycles for Z as they were in no rush. I wont deny its tough though the 2nd one stuff. Ohh and best wishes for a new year full of sweet things.

urban chick (emigre!)

i never made my ante-natal classes but i did catch up with some old work friends whose children were born the same month as mine about a year down the line and i just felt as if we had been inhabiting different planets

but if i HAD managed to make my NCT class, it would have been much more fun with lots of infertiles (although probably it's good to interact with the fertiles, who - ultimately - make up the bulk of the universe)

one needs to know their language etc.

;)

ooh, less than a week, less than a week!!

Almamay

I think it is a great idea. I've just got in from meeting my "Girls" that I met through an IF board and I don't have real life friends I laugh so hard with. Spending time with women who's lives have changed forever through IF means not having to explain and the understanding goes far beyond what any words can describe.

Look after yourself and POB. xoxo

heleen

First I went to multiple antenatal class. the main message there was: You'll be tied down to a monitor on your back, in so much pain they will give you an epidural and then the c-section is inevitable. So I thought: Let's go to a class with a more natural approach, and that was ok-ish. Well, you've must found out that antenatal classes are not given by rocket scientists...
I was a bit worried reading you were working so much, but as all is going so well, what is your teacher on about?!
Happy to read you will take a long time of. As this might be your only chance to experience motherhood I bet the office can wait! But after a while I bet you will long back to work as having a child doesn't mean you have to give up on your own life for ever and completely.

Drowned Girl

You're nearly there! I remember when you were first pregnant!!

MsPrufrock

I was the youngest in my NCT class but the only infertile. I didn't tell any of them about my IVF until P was about 6 months old. I love my group, who still meet once a week at someone's house for coffee and cake, even after over a year.

However, what I wouldn't give to not have to hear things such as this from them:

a) "How lucky you were to get pregnant after your first IVF!" (said by those who got pregnant naturally right away)

b) "When I'm pregnant again in a few months' time..."

c) "When I'm pregnant again in a few months time - oh, I mean IF I get pregnant in a few months' time." This is always said with a sideways glance to me to try and spare my feelings.

Anyway, they're a good thing to have around after you have the baby, annoying fertiles are not.

Every time you update now I get really excited. You're nearly there!!

Pamela Jeanne

Fascinating read! I respect your restraint and your ability to set aside the outrage in hanging with women who have never given a thought to what it might be like *not* to conceive easily -- and that instructor ... is she for real? I'd think sensitivity training and baseline knowledge would be a prerequisite before becoming an instructor and she clearly lacks there!

I think your idea is a good one, and no, I don't think IF pregnant women would wind each other up too much. We seem to have a natural ability to moderate where necessary on the blogs anyway.

Rachel Inbar

I'm horrified by the comments thrown at you by the instructor. What a rotten thing to do to someone...

And about the size 2 jeans. No real people wear size 2... :-)

Kay/Hanazono

Honestly, I think the instructor was way out of line. You weren't asking her advice or her opinion, the sharing was more for ice-breaker purposes, right?

Also, I find her logic really confusing. If she truly believes that working is correlated to delivery prior to 40 weeks, then shouldn't she be scolding all the women in the group who intended to work during pregnancy, including those who work until 32 or 34 weeks? Especially since babies born at 32 weeks have higher risk factors than babies born at 38 weeks?

OK I must have more jetlag and crankiness than I thought. But this is really irritating. And I'm definitely in favor of a prenatal group just for infertiles!

Sarah

wow, that instructor's comments were totally inappropriate!

antenatal classes for infertiles would be great! i sort of wish i had some infertile moms to chat with after the baby comes.

Nico

I also am shocked by that instructor. It would have been so much more appropriate of her to pull you aside afterwards to discuss such a sensitive issue rather than ranting at you in front of the whole class.

Especially as she was totally full of shit.

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