I'm back. I am still shedding brown blood. The fetus, however, is alive and well and moved around well, gave us quite a display. Heartbeat entirely normal. According to scan doc (the same one I saw 10 days ago), there is no sign of blood in the uterus, which is good because (i) as with anything at this stage, there's nothing they can do if there is, and (ii) blood in the uterus is quite terminal apparently. He said the placenta was well formed and large, there was the right amount of amniotic fluid, and that the fetus had grown appropriately. He thought that the blood did likely come from the edge of the placenta, since that's the most likely source, but it wasn't still bleeding and therefore he wasn' t worried.
Small aside. When you say "Brown blood," they say "oh good, it's old blood then, not to worry too much." Can someone explain to me why one shouldn't be worried about old blood? Because presumably old blood must have been new blood at some point, and forgive me if I'm wrong but any blood at all is not really what one is hoping for at any point in a pregnancy.
There is a certain extra-suckiness about this happening at 12w3d where you start to feel that you might get away without a miscarriage, no?
What this experience has taught me is that I'm a total wimp. Not really a surprise. But DinoD and Sami, I don't know how you cope with spotting/bleeding day after day, I really don't. This completely and utterly threw me, in a pregnancy where I really haven't bled at all, other than one spot at about 6 w or so. I've also learnt that our consultant is a sensitive guy, even if he did think I was panicking in an over-the-top kind of way (he didn't say this, but his tone of voice indicated it).
My least rational moment? Worry that I've caused this by pressing too hard with the doppler yesterday, trying to find the heartbeat. I've got a degree in this stuff, people, I know that it's all protected and half of it is behind the pubic bone, but why else would this start the day after I'd been searching for that heartbeat? (I found it, but only after much swishing around looking for it). I won't be doing that again in a hurry.
Or even more irrationally (and no, I don't really think this although I do sort of still believe the doppler one, even through I know it's nonsense), perhaps it's my come-uppance for enjoying a little weep in front of a soppy Greer Garson film yesterday, where her son dies, and she can't have another child, and then her husband dies, so she takes to looking after orphans and realises that that is where her calling is anyway.
Anyway, I've just been to the loo and there is still brown blood there. How I wish it would stop. I don't think I will breathe again until it does. But I've got 10 people coming for dinner so at some point I will just have to put a brave face on it.