If we had got pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex at the right time of the month, our baby would be about to have her 18 month birthday. She would be walking and crashing into things and talking to us. I would be expecting number two.
If we had got pregnant first the time we had great unprotected holiday sex at the right time of month, around the first time one of my friends told me to 'just relax', our baby would have just turned one. He would be forming words and cruising, and loving knocking over the towers that we built him.
If we had got pregnant after I had the HSG, which as every board member knows "cleans out your tubes and improves your fertility", our baby would be nine months old. He would be crawling and getting into everything and enjoying smearing food over his entire body when we tried to feed him.
If we had got pregnant after the first laparoscopy had cleaned up the endo, and the hysteroscopy had removed the fibroid, our baby would be seven months old and reaching for her blocks and keys, laughing and babbling. We would be convinced that she already had a few words, but no one else would believe us. I'd be about to go back to work and I'd be terrified.
If we had got pregnant on our abortive IUI cycle, Our baby would be nearly six months old. She would be sitting up on her own, and suffering from stranger anxiety. She'd be enjoying the treasure basket that her grandmother had created for her.
If we had got pregnant on our first IVF cycle, our baby would be about six weeks old. We would be totally exhausted, overwhelmed, and dirty. He would be starting to smile at us, and we would be bowled over in our amazement at finally getting something back from him.
If we'd got pregnant on our 'fuck IVF' holiday, I'd be about to give birth. I'd be uncomfortable and terrified and overjoyed and terrified and excited and huge and amazed.
If we had not had a miscarriage, I would be five months pregnant now. I would be clearly showing, and everyone would be congratulating us. I'd be looking forward nervously to the rabbi who married us finally noticing the pregnancy when we went to synagogue for the high holy days, and dreading him asking us why it took us so long. I'd be starting to think things might be ok. We'd know that it was a boy, and we'd be starting to think about names. My hairdresser and I would already be teasing each other about him dating her daughter when they got older.
If we had got pregnant on our third IVF cycle, I would be four weeks and two days pregnant. I would be viciously addicted to the visembryo site. I would be petrified and overjoyed at the same time. I'd be telling myself that lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place, even though I know that's a crock of shit.