Yes well, I appreciate the 'wait for the beta' comments, and yes, a part of me is doing that. But I honestly don't see how this can be looked on with optimism. The peesticks detect approx. 20 units of hcg. A beta of less than 50 on day 14 is not likely to end well (and yes, I do know that a beta of 500 on day 14 may still not end well, but at least it's a better start). If the peestick didn't pick up anything this morning (and believe me, it got held at every possible angle just in case), then there are less than 20 units of hcg around, and that means the hcg tomorrow would be less than 30, and we all know where that's going. Yes, I know about Brooklyn Girl's beta of 14 which ended up as her son, but there aren't too many other examples out there, are there, or we'd all be talking about them.
You will have every right to make me eat humble pie if there is better news tomorrow, but honestly guys, it's not very likely, is it?
I'm running through scenarios in my head. Frozen cycle? Break for a few months so that the next transfer is after my 40th birthday and they'll let us put back three (I'm wondering if it's that literal - i.e., transfer on 12 January, only 2 embryos; transfer on 13 January, 3 embryos off you go. Will they check what time of day I was born just in case they go a few hours too early?)? Go straight (as straight as possible) into another fresh cycle because after all, the stats for fresh cycles are better? Give it all up and go buy a nice holiday home in Tahiti or somewhere? Call the social worker about starting the adoption process? Give up work for six months to get myself in great shape and hope that helps?
I'm in a mess emotionally so clearly making any kind of decision isn't going to happen just yet. It hurts, oh how it hurts. I'm going to have to go through my 40th birthday without a baby, and without being pregnant. I find that prospect absolutely terrifying.