Can't get over my borg-like naming structure for these posts. It will persist for this post, then I'll have to retire it. Herewith the wrap up post with the bits I couldn't bring myself to type.
Heleen asks: why are we doing PIO?
Because last time I bled at 8dp3dt which of course is much too early for anything to be successful. Although the clinical evidence suggests that there is, in the general IVF population, no difference between the suppositories and PIO, Dr Candour felt that I might be the one patient in a million to whom it makes a difference. This despite my post-ovulation progesterone rating of 59 ("textbook excellent according to Dr C) when it was tested on a natural cycle over a year ago. Apparently everyone's system responds differently to progesterone and so the numbers don't always tell the whole story. Anyway, if I post here next Friday saying I'm bleeding, we'll all know that that particular experiment didn't pay off.
Lots of people ask: what happened to the other three embryos?
All three were frozen yesterday. There was one other good four cell, a good three cell, and a dark and miserable looking "average (arrow down)" three cell. They froze all three even though that last one clearly isn't making babies any time soon. That means we now have six frozen, four of which there is some hope for. Which is ok.
I mentioned "if it's twin boys" a while ago...
I mentioned this as something that would freak me out, not my dream scenario. My dream scenario, despite all I know about how difficult twin pregnancies are, not to mention looking after twins, is boy/girl twins. Because then I wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant again. I know, first of all, that I am tempting fate, and I know that wishing for twins is stupid because of how badly things can go wrong, and how difficult it is to cope when they are born. But it's all so unreal that right now, hoping for it doesn't seem too scary.
If it's twin boys, we'll just have to wait and see what we'd do. H would be fine with it, but like many of you, I have always dreamed of my daughter. In this generation of cousins, both my brothers have boys, and H's brother has two boys, so the whole family could do with a bit of balance. Twin girls? I'll have to negotiate with H. A singleton of either gender? We'll at least attempt to use the embicicles. But you know, it's all very hypothetical at this point.
How much time am I taking off work?
Despite one of my colleagues telling me that she took off the whole IVF month both times she did successfully did IVF, I am off this week, then going back on Monday. I know there is no evidence that working/not working affects chances, but my job is pretty full-on. Although of course there are others in this community with similar kinds of stressful jobs, who've got pregnant so I know I am not alone. My main concerns right now, are,
(i) the guilt at not being at work today and tomorrow. I feel fine, with just a bit of twinging. I am doing mild bits of work from home, but that's a far cry from what I'd be doing if I was showing up. My people are all ok without me, but it's hard to hear what they're handling and not feel like I should be there to support them.
(ii) how I cope the day we get our beta. It's scheduled for 15 May, which is a Monday. I'm supposed to be all day in a review committee, I can't just duck out as I did last time I got a negative result. We can't get it done on Sunday as they don't get blood results on Sundays from their lab. I think I'll have to POAS on Sunday at the latest, assuming, of course, that I dont' just start bleeding again. That would really suck. Ha.
I'm not feeling optimistic, but I'm not feeling pessimistic either. Everyone at the clinic yesterday kept telling me that things looked good, that I should feel happy. And that it would make a difference if I did feel happy. I think they were sneakily 'just relax'ing me. Isn't that immoral of a clinic to spin that line? If you don't get pregnant, it's nothing to do with us, it's that you weren't happy enough. Bastards.
Speaking of which, I'm going to write to Dr Candour to ask if I should prepare to go back on zoladex if we get a negative. Don't want the endo to grow, after all. Nothing wrong with being prepared.