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Wednesday, 31 May 2006

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LEB

Thalia, I just got back (I was thinking about you all day yesterday), read these last two posts and said 'FUCK'.

It might be okay, but you know that & hearing that it has been okay for other people will only help with hindsight if everything is still okay for you at 12 weeks (sorry that makes no sense I'm struggling today).

Re the blighted ovum, my first pregnancy was a BO, it doesn't automatically equal donor eggs.

I don't see how anything you've written in either self pitying or ungrateful.

Alchemilla

Oh you poor darling. Take care of yourself.

Robber Barren

Thalia, I have nothing to say but "take care." And: I'm so, so sorry.

Juliet

Thalia, I'm still hoping, but you know, your last paragraph says it all. You have courage. I rate courage above nearly everything. In my experience, people who persevere and have courage frequently - not always - find a way to get what they want/need. I don't think this is the end of your being a mother at all.

Lindy

I'm just so, so sorry Thalia. It's better to have an aprupt end to things if things are going to end. While I'm in the camp of it's not quite over yet, I do think it makes sense to be looking ahead to the next step. And I don't think a single blighted ovum would lead you down the donor egg path just yet.

Thinking of you and hoping for resolution (hopefully the unlikely but still possible positive kind) soon.

Sassy

I'm so sorry your scan wasn't what it should have been. I'm thinking of you and hoping & praying for the best.

Pamplemousse

I don't think you are ready for donor eggs yet. I was but then I have had a very different ART history than you. You and H produce lovely, quality embryos and if things don't work out this time, then you still have 6 frozen embryos to work with. And more fresh cycles in you too. The Zoladex seemed to work well for you.

This is not the end of the road for you, T. I have stared that end of the road in the face and believe me, you are so far from that place.

fisher queen

What Pamplemousse said. Also, it just makes me sick that my experience has made you so sad. I am still holding out hope for you. I don't think you're a *hugs* kind of person, but I'm sending them anyway.

Kristi

Thalia, I am hoping and praying that you remain strong, stay at least partially hopeful (even though it's so, so hard) and that you realize, no matter what the outcome of this next week, that you WILL be a mother someday.

Jennie

one of the ugly side effects of IVF is that we come to expect the very worst. I don't know what to say I can't make things better but I can keep you in my thoughts + I havn't stopped hoping for a good outcome and tell you having a plan B regardless of what the % rates are or how many hold onto hope for you, is a mighty fine idea.

Nicole

I don't know what else to add. It seems so unfair to fall into the minority with respect to statistics. I wish things were going better.

You are a stronger woman than I am. You are already planning for the future no matter what path it takes. I admire you.

Krista

Thalia, I know sorry sounds trite, but it is all I have. This next week is going to be hell, and you will have very little hope so I will be thinking of you and I am sorry.

katie

It is depressing, and I hope it goes OK.

My understanding of the "blighted ovum" thing though is that it is in fact a complete misnomer: it only means that the sac developed but the embryo did not continue to develop, but hasn't necessarily got anything to do with egg quality. There could be a very large number of reasons for the embryo to fail to develop. For all you know, it could be a sperm problem (there, that cheered you up, didn't it?).

They just call it "blighted ovum" to mess with our heads. Presumably your FSH levels etc. are OK or they would not let you go ahead with your own eggs.

Kath

Dear Thalia, thanks for clarifying what yesterday's ultrasound revealed. But my recommended treatment remains the same: distract your head off. Get mindless movies. Go to mindless movies. The only way to make time pass without driving yourself crazy is to chop it up into diverting chunks.

We're all waiting with you. And we'll wait as long as it takes.

caroline

i think you are handling this the best way possible - realistically hopeful. I agree with everyone else - as much mindless distraction as possible for the next week. Try not too think too much about next steps until you get conclusive answers. For what its worth I am floored by how unfair and shitty this has been for you and how you have continued to take it all in stride.

stephanie

Nothing you said was self-pitying or ungrateful. This is hard. Next week will be hard. Try and distract yourself as much as possible and take care of yourself.

We are all here for you and will read any and all posts, sad or not. Take care.

PJ

Oh Thalia, I so wish the news was better. Take care of yourself.

moo

Wishing for the best for you.

Molly

40%. 40% still has plenty of hope left in it.

I'll be thinking of you.

mm

Just thinking of you and hoping for the best.

waiting line

Just thinking of you Thalia.

amanda

I don't understand either. I don't think I ever will. The universe just sucks, if you ask me. You're in my thoughts, my friend.

elecriclady

Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. Wish there was something we could all do to take away some of the torture of this wait for you.

Brenda

Trust me I will not be the one to tell you to hang on to hope. I've learned that the second I let hope enter into the equation that bitch kicks my ass every single time. Having had a blighted ovum, I know all too well that hellish experience of them digging around trying to find *something*... its not fun... and really its just torture. The not knowing sucks too. Thinking of you...

MoMo

Thalia--I know there is nothing I can say to make things better, so I just want to say that I am praying and thinking of you.

Suz

I'm here and thinking of you. It's so not fair.

Jenn

I know when my second pregnancy was going bad, stories of ones that turned out ok helped, so if this isn't helping, please tell me and I'll stop.

I went back to read my posts from that early ultrasound to make sure I remembered correctly. We didn't see a yolk sac in that second gestational sac. And they saw something in there, but weren't sure it was a fetal pole. And even on Baby A the fetal pole was only measuring 3.1mm (5w6d is when I had the scan). The RE, after much pushing, told me Baby B probably wouldn't make it, less than a 50% chance. Even at my seven week scan he was measuring a week behind my dates though we saw the heartbeat then. He finally caught up to dates around 12 weeks, though is still about a week behind Baby A.

They told me maybe he implanted late (which didn't sound promising) and although I don't know how it's possible, I'm hoping your story turns out like mine.

Mellie

Thalia - You have been in my thoughts I think every moment since I read your last post. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this - even if it does turn out okay, you don't deserve having to endure this. I'll be wishing on stars and eyelashes and everything else that next week's scan is promising.

soralis

Sending a big hug your way.. hoping you beat the odds and everything is ok.

Take care

Leggy

Do you read Menita? She had a rough beginning with this pregnancy. http://lifesjestbook.typepad.com/menita/2005/12/fraught_with_fr.html
Because it was a fluke pregnancy, its hard to tell how many weeks she should have been- she saw more than you on the scan, but she was also supposed to be further behind and her betas & progesterone were low. I don't want to give false hope, but since you said that it seemed like you couldn't find anyone who had your exact circumstances and had it work out, I just wanted to offer this as a possible example.

I'm sorry you are in limboland- its a lousy place to be. My first blighted ovum PG dragged on until 10 weeks, my second lasted until 6.5 weeks. If its going to end, let it be quick, but damn it, if its going to work, stop the torture and start growing already.

Lola Badeggs

Thalia, I'm just sick for you. I'm so sorry. I absolutely understand the unwillingness to put too much energy into hoping. And, unwittingly, my own post today probably confirmed your fears about the sac size vs fetal pole size. I will continue to hope for a positive outcome for you, for what that's worth. I'm just so damn sorry that it's not a straightforward situation.

Lynnette

I think 40% is a good number to pin your/our hopes to. I will continue to think positively, until the fat lady does her thing...hugs again...

kze

I don't understand the universe either. It just sucks. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I am holding out hope for you; hoping you land on the right side of the statistics this time.

You are in my thoughts.

Katie

Oh Thalia. I'm thinking of you all the time now. I'm going to really hope 40 is a fine shot, but I know it's probably not a lot for you at this point. There's nothing more to say than bollocks. Limbo is a shitty place to be.

Carla Hinkle

The whole thing is just lousy. So I second the call for lots of distraction (bad TV, mindless movies, junk food of every stripe) and just trying to hang on until next week's scan. It certainly isn't optimal, but it isn't quite over yet, either. You don't have to worry about hoping; the Internets is doing that for you.

Sarah

Take care Thalia. I'll be thinking of you.

Shell

Hang in there!! I went in last week at 6w5d and all we saw was a gest sac and yolk sac...I was crushed because we had seen my DS heartbeat at 6w1d. We went back in today at 8w0d........there was a visible baby(measuring 7w6d!) and heartbeat!! This was the hardest 9days of my life!... wishing you the best!

hopefulmother

Thalia, I am thinking of you, and hoping and praying for the best.

chee chee

Thalia, I wish you weren't going through this. I am hoping that you will get some good news next week. Try to hang in there.

PBfish

Words seem inadequate to express how sorry I am that you are going through this. I'm praying for that 40% chance.

Lisa P.

Oh Thalia, I am sorry to hear that things are looking like this. My first m/c was a blighted ovum, but I had no early scan so I have no idea what it looked like at that stage - we had our u/s at 8w and saw only a gestational sac. I wish I had nothing but positive stories for you but I am not a very good example, I guess. :(

I will hold onto that 40% hope for you even if you don't feel up to it, though.

Summer

It’s times like these when I realize how cruel the universe can be. Do you muster even a glimmer of hope? Do you plunge yourself completely in despair? Does it matter what the fuck you do? I know, for me, I could find no comfort in this time and the waiting was excruciating. But you will get through this Thalia, no matter what the outcome, you will get through this. And, you will be a mother.

Alli

I'm thinking of you and praying for a good outcome. Hang in there.

Lut C.

I'm speechless. What an awful thing to happen, regardless of the outcome. Just awful.

Alexa

Oh Thalia. I am just...shocked and sorry. So, so sorry. I am willing you to fall in the 40%.
Please let me know if you need anything at all.

statia

Oh man, Thalia. I'm hoping like hell you fall on the good side of the odds.

Allie

Thalia, I am so sorry. I'm hoping and praying for your miracle.

ninaB

fingers crossed.

zarqa

I'm so angry and hurt for you. I don't know what else to say really but...40%? That's something to hold on to...at least until next week when it may or may not become just another crazy number on this crazy ride. I'm so hoping for you.

InDueTime

Thalia I am hoping and praying for you sweetie. Hugs.

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