I had several reflective posts planned, one about superstition, one about luck, and one about sorrow, among others, but instead I am back in the immediacy of a cycle starting. This morning we rose early, despite the lovely luck of a bank holiday here in the UK, and headed off to the clinic. We were there for an hour, which is unusual for them, but at least part of it was our choice, and I'm glad we took the time. Dr Candour had sent me an email over the weekend, before he headed off on holiday (Again! What is it with this man? Why can't we all have the same holiday allowance, and the ability to take it, as our gynaecologists?), saying that I should try to see a particular doctor, and this doctor was hard to come by. At one point the doctor of choice called someone else, even though I'd already missed one slot with another doctor to wait for him. Although I went over to him and pointed out the mistake (I thought I might have to wait for ever), I decided to let the woman he'd already called go in front of me so as not to keep her waiting. I'm all for accumulating karma points if I can - heaven knows I need them - so I've been trying hard recently, offering my seat on the tube and all that good stuff. Do you think you get karma if you know you're trying to get it? Does it matter what the intent is if the outcome is good for the other person concerned?
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, having a scan with the lovely Dr NoName. I saw him on the last cycle but didn't see fit to name him. Now I'm struggling for the appropriate moniker. He's quite ok in person but has a crappy phone manner, doesn't like me asking questions on the phone but is happy to chat in person. He's Israeli/South African, and told me to call him by his first name. Dr Casual? That will have to do for now, I'm not feeling very inspired. He got brownie points for remembering us, which was impressive given we haven't seen him in 5 months, and he didn't have our file out.
The scan took a while, and I was so nervous I was shaking throughout. I was also bloody uncomfortable. They've got a new set-up on the chair and the knee-holders are very very far apart. I'm just not that stretchy, people. Dr Casual did his best to adjust them for me, but we had to give up and just go with it. Eventually Dr Casual was done with the wanding (how I haven't missed that experience) and showed us the answer. My lining is very very very thin, so I won't have a bleed, hooray, and both ovaries are quiet, with no cysts but a respectable set of what are probabley antral follicles (I counted at least 5-6 on each ovary). My clinic doesn't seem to care about these, he certainly didn't count them, so I decided that was one less thing to worry about.
I then had to repeat most of my history, since despite Dr Candour's promises, he clearly hadn't discussed my case with Dr Casual, and Dr Casual was understandably confused about what happened next, since they've never done this protocol on anyone before. I talked him through it, including answering his question about why I was on Zoladex in the first place, and reassuring him that I knew I had fibroids in the abdominal cavity. He promised to check with the consultant on duty, and get back to me later.
And he got back to me a couple of hours ago. E2 29, LH 4.something, FSH 2.7. I guess that Zoladex did its job well. Was it supposed to reduce the FSH too? All we know is, I'm definitely suppressed, and the endo doesn't seem to have made a reappearance, although there was evidence of a little scarring on one ovary. He wanted me to start the injections today. I had been planning to start tomorrow, but there you go. It's my own fault, they want me to come in for bloodwork and a scan on day 5, as I insisted, and it's easier for them to do that on a Friday rather than a Saturday, so just after lunch I injected 250mIU of Puregon with my new pen, disposing of the needle into my tres chic new sharps bin, which is sporting a very streamlined and curved sillhouette compared to the one from my last cycle. How these things move on.
So we've started. I can hardly believe it. I'm excited. Although I've been planning for the last few weeks how I will cope with the day when I find out I'm not pregnant, and hoping that it won't be because I start bleeding, I also have some hope that this might work and of course have already succumbed to some great fantasies about what that might look like. H has told me he's hoping for twins so we don't have to go through this again, although he's also worried that my back won't be able to take it. Also, if it's twin boys..Hell, I can't keep writing stuff like this, it's too scary. For now, I just need to stay calm and get through the next two weeks. We're on our way.