My body is very confused. I took my last pill on Thursday night, prior to the Zoladex shot on Friday morning. Why should I need to be on the pill as well as uber suppressed? I didn't check with Dr Candour but was pretty convinced that I was right. Today, however, I have mild period cramps and am bleeding a bit, presumably withdrawal bleeding from the pill. So I am anxious that I shouldn't have stopped the pill (can't figure out why not though - does the zoladex take time to kick in?), and/or that the Zoladex isn't actually having the right effect. I've emailed Dr Candour so will wait to see what he says. Let's hope I'm not buggered before I've even started.
Having said that I'm worried about the Zoladex not working, I woke up in a distinctly damp bed this morning - is that a night sweat or would it have literally been a pool of liquid?
I'm also being completely laid low with back pain. I may have mentioned it before, but I am susceptible to this given an inherited malformation of my L5 vertebra which means that over the years my muscles have tried to balance me out, with the result that I put 70% of my weight on the right side of my body, my left hip is nearly an inch higher than my right, my neck is too straight, my mid back is too curved, and I have a painful knot of muscle around L5. Since I reduced my exercise drastically back in October when we did the first IVF, the pain has gradually increased. I've been doing yoga stretches every day, often twice a day, to loosen up the hips and hamstrings as well as stretch my back, but it feels as if it's getting worse rather than better, and today it's awful - every step hurts. Probably exacerbated by a too-soft hotel bed last night, but it is still nonetheless deblititating and incredibly frustrating. I have to confess that secretly I worry that this will stop me from getting pregnant, that my body just isn't ready to take on a baby given how poorly it is currently functioning. I read how people like Deborah had terrible sciatica in the first part of their pregnancy and am wondering how I will be able to cope if, by some miracle I do get pregnant, and the back pain gets worse. Seems I can worry about most things at the moment.
Oh so I'll mention my most persistent fear right now. That somehow because H speaks Chinese, combined with all our reproductive woes, we are destined to adopt from China and I should just stop pursuing any other approach, that it's a waste of our time. That somehow I should have received the message loud and clear by now that I'm not supposed to bear children, but that we will take another route to our family. Yes I know it's illogical and silly, but it just keeps coming back. And I'm not someone who really believes in the "meant to bes".
Onwards and upwards.