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Thursday, 24 November 2005

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Kimmer

I'm so sorry about the negative. This crap is just so tuff. With my last FET my first beta was a 3. Several days later is was less than 2. It was a total mindfuck for me. Hope you get feeling better.
Thinking of you...

shish

That analogy is spot on. It's exactly like an onion, complete with the tears. You're allowed to mourn, so don't beat yourself up over it. This is a long, long process, and you take all the time you need to recover from it. We're all here for you.

LEB

oh course you feel sadder. Its bloody horrible, I'm sorry, I wish it was easier (not asking for miracles, just a little bit less awful would be good though).

D

The onion analogy is perfect. Some layers are a lot easier than others and some of the layers just suck and make us cry -
a lot!

Even when you know that the result is negative, when there is another person on the other end of the phone telling you that yes, it is negative - it is devasting. It hurts to hear it out loud.

Claudia

Hearing a negative sucks, no matter how well you've prepared yourself, no matter how much you already know it to be true. So sorry this cycle didn't go as you hoped, please take good care of yourself and hang in there as best you can.

Summer

I wish I could say to you that you just have to hang on and peel to the 137th layer and then you will finally get it. I wish life and our emotions worked so linearly that way. I think loss always stays with you. It gets better...slowly, but it gets better.

Manuela

Yes... the onion. I will definitely have to remember that one. Spot on.

And... of COURSE it sucks to hear the negative report... it just gives you that convirmation...

Siiggggh... sorry kiddo.

susie

I am so sorry, Thalia. Grieve the way you need to, there's nothing easy about this.

Lut C.

Big negatives, small negatives, it al reminds me of the same thing. :-(
I hope you feel better soon.

nina

Rationally you know that such a low beta is a negative, but somewhere deep down you desperately hope that maybe, just maybe, that number will double, triple and keep rising. That's how it was for me. Take care Thalia. It's a bitch, I know.

Simone

I agree, you are brilliantly spot on with the onion analogy. How perfect Thalia! Sorry you are experiencing this extended version of BFN trauma. You sure as hell don't deserve this.

amanda

For me, the layers are endless and the scar keeps getting deeper but being able to peel the layers back is an accomplishment in and of itself. Thinking of you, Thalia.

Liz

The onion analogy is very appropriate.

I'm sorry for all you are going through.

Emily

I'm sorry Thalia. I'm thinking of you.

wessel

Yes, the onion is the perfect analogy, especially the part about the scar looking slightly different at each layer, but it is still a scar, and it is still there.

I'm so sorry, Thalia.

Bugsy

I'm so sorry. It is hard to hear a negative even if you are expecting it. I so get the onion analogy too. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Jennie

no amount of window dressing can make a neg pretty, I'm so sorry for you both that it didn't work Thalia.

pixi

It *is* just so sad. Good, I guess, that you didn't have an ectopic, but that doesn't necessarily make the final negative result less heartbreaking. Your loss is real and significant, and there's no doubt that you'll be processing it in different ways over time. I'm not surprised that the test result had such a powerful impact. Because even though zero was the "desired" result, it's still got to be painful to hear. I'm so sorry that things turned out this way, Thalia.

Teresa

A low beta number is not the same thing as a negative, and that moment of pregnancy is still a moment when all your efforts were finally realized. Mourn your dream as long as you need, and own it. You're allowed to feel bad about this. No one in your bloggy circle of friends will judge you, and you ought not judge yourself.

Lori

I'm so sorry. The onion analogy is perfect. Looking back on my experience, just when I thought I was done, another layer came out of nowhere. The "I get it now" part is so true. It just sucks.
I'll be thinking of you as you peel through your onion.

kate #2

Onion analogy is right on target. IF is such a hard battle -- all layers included. Hang in there.

T

I'm sorry Thalia. I know with my chemical I went through the little bit pregnant thing too - I had never been that close before. And, I think that there's always, no matter how well you lock that closet, a tiny sparkle of hope hidden away - that brings the sadness back when you get the confirmation.

Thinking of you.

fisher queen

I think it's going to take a long time to accept, even if the next cycle works for you, which I certainly hope it does. It's just that there is so much grief to process. Don't force it. One day, you may find yourself laughing and crying at the same time.

Jenn

I'm sorry...just so sorry.

girlh

girl. i'm so sorry. sorta pregnant...it just sucks. i know after my "chemical" pregnancy i was pissed as to why they give it a diiferent name. it almost makes it seem like it wasn't real which is the cause of the mind fuck. am i? am i not? was i? was i not? no matter. it all just sucks.

cry all the tears you need to. you are perfectly entitled to each and every one.

Lisa P.

I'm so sorry Thalia. I think the analogy is a very good one. I just wish none of us had to "get it."

Cali

crud. I am so sorry. Hope you were loved & hugged during the holiday.

Megan

Having had an ectopic pregnancy myself, I am really, really glad that you can now be sure you don't have one. I've been worried for you.
But as many others have said, a negative beta stings, no mattter how you dress it up.

I'm sorry you are hurting. You are in my thoughts.

OvaGirl

Thalia, that is such a great image for the grief that is carried even when the memory starts to fade. I too was 'a little bit pregnant' with the IVF. And I was allowing myself to be confident and to dare to hope. Now, with a FET I want to hope but the scar of that last experience that cosmic smackdown is just too painful. I've peeled it away but I can see the mark that's left behind. And I'm terrified about where I'll be months down this track, many layers gone but the scars remaining.

THinking of you and sending a big hug your way. I know you're looking at where to go next and I hope this comes smoothly and easily.

xxx

mm

Oh Thalia... what a mindfuck of a week you've had (I'm only just catching up). I'm so very sorry. The only thing worse than realizing your cycle has been unsuccessful is having a doctor's office drill that point home over and over again. Thinking of you.

chris

I'm so sorry.

reprogirl

That is a great analogy, T. Your writing is more moving than ever at the moment. I'm so sorry but I am glad that there is some kind of resolution, or at least you're one more layer closer to some kind of resolution.

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