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Tuesday, 29 November 2005

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T

Oh, so sweet Thalia, you make me teary. I know exactly what you mean about it seeming so long to wait and so far away. The waiting is absolutely the worst and I'm sorry. It will go by, eventually - until it does, we're here for you. Have you been tested for clotting disorders?

Lut C.

How much research have you done? You're juggling protocols like a pro!

It certainly isn't too much to ask.

End of December marks two years of TTC for me. 2006 is not likely to be the year for us either.

pixi

Sighing and tearing up over here. Yeah, waiting is the pits. I pray you don't need the lap. Three and half months is agonizing enough.

And, boy, did you capture the heartache and longing in that 2nd to last paragraph. It just blew me away.

ManhattanAnne

Hold on to the vision Thalia. Some day, some how. Determination is all we've got. (That and some really exceelent anal retentive qualities that allow us to micro-manage our cases. My RE now asks ME what labs I want ordered!)

Thinking of you,
Anne

Sol

You made me cry with your description of why you want a baby, honey. You want this so much it hurst, I remember the feeling so well. Hang in there, you are doing so much to succeed, you derserve it so much! Love

Liz

Sounds like you had a good appointment...I think it's great that you are doing so much research. The more knowledge you have the better.

What you wrote about wanting a baby was beautiful. We all want that and will have that. Don't give up on your dream...it will come true.

wessel

I know, Thalia. But Gd willing, you will soon have a little child that never stops asking "why?" :-)

Nicole

(((((Thalia))))) I won't be on the IVF bandwagon until February/Beginning of March. Maybe we can be buddies in this round. I know it sucks - at least it is the holidays which I know don't make it easier, but at least they go by faster. I'm filling up my time with unfun RE tests and holiday things. Hope it goes by quickly.

elle

Wow, Thalia, that knowledge is impressive. I think I really like dr. Candour - he seems really great. And maybe 30 min is a big deal to wait in britain, but here in the States that's like getting in on time!

I hope you can be a mom to do all those things too. It's so so so hard to want something so desparately and not know if you will ever get it. I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you what will be. Thinking of you.

Karen

Loved your 2nd to last paragraph, you really captured the yearning perfectly. I hope it all comes true for you as soon as possible.

Summer

Yes, the waiting is one of the toughest parts of all of infertility and the not knowing whether that waiting will amount to anything.

I like what Karen at Naked Ovary posted a short while back when she found out their referral may be more than the 3 months they had been expecting. To try to get yourself through the wait using the most optimistic timeline. Then, even if things don't happen as fast as they should, you've already gone through part of the total wait and you focus on getting through the rest of it. Wish I had the link to that post, because she said it much better, but you get the idea.

Lynnette

Thalia, just wated you to know I'm thinking of you. We have much in common. Your regroup sounds hopeful...

Jenn

Add me to the list of the crying. I wish it didn't seem so far away.

fisher queen

The waiting is unbelievable. I am sorry. Maybe the PIOs will help next time? I have heard anecdotally that they make a difference. Also, another random thought: they have no idea what happens during implantation. So much of this is still about chanting and rubbing totems. Pisses me off.

nina

With IVF the questions heavily outweigh the answers. A good part of it, seems to me, is luck. Wouldn't it be nice though to have some of that luck on our side for a change???
I can feel your ache and longing. I'm the same- all those things I'd imagined sharing with my children. Hurts just to think about it.
Am I wrong or do you have 2 frozen embryos you could use for a FET?
n.

Teresa

The yearning... it's akin to hope isn't it? Painful and inevitable.

You're in my thoughts.

Claudia

I hear you, oh yeah. Making plans and looking into the future is great, but man, it can get depressing when the reality of the timeline sinks in. I think it's great you're so proactive about your treatment (I'm much the same way) and I think you've found a good fit with your medical care and your future plans. I hope the time waiting passes easily, for all of us!

Avonlea  (f/k/a InSpring)

Thalia, so many challenges.

On the bright side it sounds like you have a very good doctor who is respectful of you and answers your questions. It sounds like he knows what he's doing.

I have been at the baby before X point myself, and I know that frustration. I can't tell you how to deal with it. I wish I had known myself.

You are a wonderful person and I can imagine a fridge full of pictures in your kitchen and I can see you fixing scraped knees and all the rest. I hope that what I wish for you in my heart will be realized in the world.

Sparkle

It's horrible that the further you go into this the more complicated it all starts feeling. Think you did an amazing job at your appointment. I find it so ridiculous that Drs. think that doing your own independent research is stressful - don't they realise it's one of the only ways we have to feel like we have any kind of control over this stuff? I think it's great that you have everything worked out so methodically in your head.

Meg

The medical research and your questions are amazing. I usaully forget or chicken out from asking my DR.

I got teary reading the second half of your post. I yearn for many of those things and most of all to read books like Harry Potter to my child.

OvaGirl

Oh Thalia. I want you to do all those things too.
Thinking of you.
xxx

Jennie

Thalia, I'm glad your appointment went so well, what a beautiful way to capture what this means to/for you and i hope you get your dream sooner rather than later.

susie

I hope for all of those things for you too, Thalia.

lindy

Oh, Thalia. I'm in tears. You're going to be an amazing mother, you really are. I'm just so sorry that there's more waiting now because of the endometrioma. It sounds like your doctor is doing an excellent job of addressing your individual situation. I hope you don't need the lap and that PIO helps you. My RE is a firm believer in PIO over suppositories for IVF. It's great to hear confirmation of just what high quality eggs/embryos you're working with. That's a big hurdle right there. But I know that this process is just one big hurdle after another.

Thinking of you, dearie.

Lindy

Shish

March is not that far away. You've come this far, and it's not time to end your journey yet. You will make a fantastic mother one day, and that child of yours will be the luckiest little boy or girl in the world. I know what you're going through right now, and though it never gets any easier, you have loads of people cheering you on, every step of the way. Don't give up hope, even though I know how hard it is to hold on to at times like these. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Amanda

No, it's not too much to ask. I so hope you get it all. The waiting and uncertainty is just so damn hard. Thinking of you.

Carla Hinkle

Thalia, an occasional poster/dedicated reader who hopes all your wishes come true -- you deserve it.

CH

zhl

Oh, Thalia, I'm so sorry for this continued delay. It's so unfair that you're forced to wait while the clock keeps ticking. Your post voices so many of my feelings and concerns in a much more articulate way.

And no, it's not too much to ask. Wishing you the best during the wait.

Lori

Thalia, I'm so sorry it's feeling farther and farther away.
I'm hoping that you won't need a lap and you can cycle again sooner rather than later. Maybe we'll be even be cycling at the same time!
Thinking of you.

LEB

Waiting waiting waiting, its so hard.

I hope you can avoid the lap.

I like your Dr, and the follow up actually sounded useful which seems to be a rarity.

Hoping you can start soon ...

Wavery

You are one together woman Thalia. I'm impressed with your research and more impressed with your composure and grace. This post was beautiful.

Larisa

I'm so blown away and impressed by your research - how pulled together and cohesive it is. I'm hoping that you won't need the lap, and that the winter will be just a tiny bit shorter.

Manuela

Oh, darling Thalia... this made me well up with tears and want to hop a plane just so I could hug you in person...

At the very least... it does sound like you are in VERY capable hands... but I do agree... at our age... a year does seem like such a painfully long time.

mm

God, the next time some motherfucker asks me why I keep trying when nothing has worked so far, I'm going to show them the end of this post. Thanks for capturing what I've been thiking all this time. It'll be at least another year before I have a baby (bwahahah!), too and it's killing me. Good luck to all of us.

Mary Scarlet

No, it's not too much to ask, and I'm sorry. The waiting is so hard, particularly when you're watching the year turn over and other such things. On the other hand, I'm really glad to hear that you have some good stuff to report and some decent options to consider. I like your Dr. Candour for taking the time to talk all of this out, and for being concerned about you stressing yourself out with the research. Thalia, I'm just so sorry that you have to wait to have those moments you're longing for. I want them for you too.

millie

Oh, Thalia, I'm so sorry you have to wait. Waiting is one of the hardest parts because it's like your whole life is on hold and you just want to get 'there.' I know all too well the feeling of wanting a baby by a certain age. I did as well and three years later I still do. I went to plan C much earlier than expected just because the waiting was unbearable.

I'm glad that Dr Candour listened to you and is paying such close attention.

But, you'll get all the things you wish for in your last paragraph. I really believe that.

Nico

The waiting sucks donkey balls. Big ones.

Someone left a comment on my post complaining about the PIO suggesting asking for a 1 inch 25 gauge needle instead of a 1.5 21 or 22 gauge to make it easier. I like the sound of that!

I don't understand Dr. Candour's comment that blastocyst transfer improves success rate per transfer but not per cycle. Success rate per embryo transferred perhaps? (I'm starting to think about this too...)

April

I'm sorry this is taking so long, but by the same token - I'm thankful that they have a plan in place for next time.

Thinking of you and sending you love.

Cali

waiting blows.
I am beaming you some hot chocolate warmth.
It will happen.
Or I am going to kick the Universe's butt.

Alexa

Oh Thalia. You will be a phenomenal mother, and this WILL happen for you. The waiting can feel unbearable, I know. I wish there was something I could do to make it go faster. Dr. Candour sounds very competent, and you are obviously quite a competent researcher yourself, so at least you are in good hands. Also, that is fabulous news about your embryos. Good luck with the lap decision, and I hope the PIO will make all the difference next time...

Vivien

I thought they had sorted out the leaning tower . . .
Which clinic is the BCG? Would you have to change doctor? He does sound good. Half the time mine seem to be taking the lead from me, and I am telling THEM the results of latest research. It really is scary how little they know about the process though.
Thinking of you Thalia

zarqa

It was my acupuncturist who told me, despite my having always gone to blastocyst, to not be surprised if they do a Day 3 transfer this time, despite the quality of the embryos. They think now that the extra time in culture doesn't make as much of difference in viability. The earlier transfer is fine with me. I'm not sure I understand what this means though:
Blastocyst transfer improves success rates per transfer, but not per cycle started.

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