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Sunday, 23 October 2005

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DD

I'm trying to come up with the right words as a response to your post...and I think I may come up pretty empty, so my apologies early.

I've only started this blogging thing recently, and try to stay with just a dozon or so faves because it has become my "second home," and as such can be a little pre-occupying. Even though it can have the same addicting qualities as say a white-chocolate mocha with a shot of rasperry; it's also my oasis or life-line when I need it the most.

Only an honest and strong person could admit so frankly that there may be such a concept as too much of a good thing, and no matter what, you will always know that you have our support.

persephone

Thalia, I worried a lot about not giving my all to school this year. And it's hard for me to coast, because we do individual critiques nearly every other class - everyone notices how good or bad my work is. But my therapist put it this way: I want a good career, I've been perfectly honest about how important that is to me. But right now it just isn't, it can't be, my #1 priority. Getting pregnant is. Everything else is going to have to wait for my full attention. And even if people don't realize that's what's going on, because I haven't told them, I don't need to apologize for my life choices.

I don't know know if it will help you to think about it that way, but it really helped me.

Jenn

Although it's an online community, behind every one of those blogs is a real life person.

amanda

I don't think it gets any more real than this. Just my opinion. I don't think you should feel guilty for spending more time in IF world. You're in the middle of an IVF cycle. For me, it's been impossible not to focus completely on cycling while in the midst of it. I think it's ok for this to be your primary focus right now. For me, it would have to be that way. Good luck with your u/s.

pixi

Work and reproductive problems. You could easily spend the majority of your day thinking about just one of those things. When you've got both to deal with, it gets pretty tough to find the right balance.

I just told work that I'm dropping out of a big project. I explained that my head is too wrapped up in my "health issues" to start thinking about something new. Fortunately, they respected that. Of course, it means I'll be making less money, but I don't care.

Also, I'm with you on the blog dilemma. Right now I should be writing a paper, cooking dinner, calling my mother, doing the laundry, prepping for tomorrow's meeting...but instead I'm on the blog. This community has been a great source of comfort to me during some difficult times. But if I don't set a limit for myself, then I'm going to end up with a whole new set of problems. It's tough, though, because there are so many terrific people here, so many compelling stories, so much support & understanding.

Liz

What you are going through is normal. I've slacked off so much at work these past few months...it's hard not to. Don't feel guilty about it and just do as much as you can. Can't wait to hear the results of your scan. GL

fisher queen

I was feeling guilty about the too much blogging, too much time spent thinking about IF thing too. I'm glad to hear everyone is feeling the same way.
Think about it this way too Thalia- you won't always be cycling. This isn't who you will be for the rest of your life. Right now, you need to do what keeps you healthy and happy.

fisher queen

I didn't mean I was glad everyone was feeling guilty...You know what I mean.
Ok gotta go to bed now, must stop blogging. Not making sense anymore...

Nico

Oh, I am so in the same boat. I loved my job when I started last year, I was so stoked that I had found exactly what I was looking for. I wasn't working anywhere near the hours you're putting in, but I was routinely doing around 10 hours a day, where almost all my colleagues are checking out after 8. Now, though? It's taken my WAY longer than it should have to complete my last project, I find that I just don't have the same motivation. I check blogs, I read the news, I obsessively check my email - as you say, I don't think anyone else has noticed yet, but *I* feel wrong. But yet somehow I can't seem to stop.

Meg

I must admit that I turned the pace down at work a bit since last year and ivf. I never used to take days off and at first felt guilty about using some of my 165 sick days. Now I take time when i need it. i still put a lot into my job, but try not to let it consume and stress me. This other stuff is too important.

Larisa

I have a post half-written about obsession. I sometimes wonder if it is wrong...but no one has said anything yet. I actually am working less - 60% instead of full-time this year. I was able to do that, and I don't think I would have been productive at all at full-time this year.

mm

I think I am the wrong person to ask about whether or not you're obsessing as I'm completely addicted all things IF-related (esp IF blogs and IF bloggers. I'd have been locked up a long time ago if it weren't for all of you). To the point that if I were still working on staff, I'd have been fired. Fortunately I happen to have gone freelance at around the time the same time I had my mc, so that's sort of been a non issue. But if anyone had any idea how much time I devote to researching IF, reading blogs and updating my own site, they'd be appalled. Relieved to know I'm not the only one. I look at it as doing what I need to do to get through this hideously awful time in my life. Whatever it takes.

Tania

When you are on your death bed, you are not going to ever ever regret having an unproductive span of time in your job.

Likewise you will never ever ever regret having taken the time you needed to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually when that was what you needed to do in order to build a family. This is a priority in your life right now, whether you want it to be or not. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be putting so much effort into it.

Let's face it, whether we like it or not, infertility is like taking on a part-time job with zero flexibility built in. And it's a job whose rewards are so much greater than anything you'll achieve in your 9-5 (or as it sounds like in your case 8-9) job.

Take good care of yourself and do whatever it takes to make this process as stress free and healthy as possible for yourself. I know it's hard to let go, but try to give yourself the permission to do so.

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