Just spoke to the clinic again. Still no spaces tomorrow, although they offered to have me just come and wait and see if they could fit me in. I was dithering, so spoke to a doctor, and actually had a good conversation. Wonders will never cease - although she wasn't exactly sympathetic she was at least nice to me. She said that day 9 would give them much more information, and that given they wouldn't change my dose til after the bloodwork results on Thursday, and I'm drugging in the mornings, it wouldn't change much to wait til Friday morning. Given H can't come with me tomorrow morning, and on Friday I'll need more Puregon anyway which I can get at the hospital pharmacy, I've decided to wait.
It was great to hear from you all the variety of clinic procedures on when they want to see you. Mine is clearly at the low-touch end of the scale, but it's not way out there, which is encouraging. It is a difficult line to draw between knowing what's going on, even when you have no ability to affect it, and not knowing and therefore going insane with the "what-if"s.
It's close to killing me, the not knowing. This is part of me, I think. I'm a finder-outer, a curiosity-killed-the-cat kind of person. I like to know stuff, and yes, it is just another manifestation of me wanting to be in control. It's so hard, this process, because I am so NOT in control. There's pretty much nothing I can do to affect my endometriosis (despite being on day 8 of the no wheat, no sugar, no dairy diet), there's nothing I can do to determine how many follicles and eggs my ovaries develop, there's no ability to control whether embryos implant or not. I just have to follow instructions, and hope for the best. I wasn't meant to be a Buddhist, but perhaps a bit of letting go and just letting stuff happen would be a good thing to learn. Any ideas on where to start?