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Wednesday, 26 October 2005

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mm

This is SO hard. I hated not being in control. Walking home after a particularly depressing appt with the wand, I realized that the hardest part of having my cycle not go as planned was that I took it personally. If my E2 wasn't high enough or that I didn't have enough mature follicles at a certain stage, I couldn't help but thinking that I'd let myself down or that I somehow wasn't trying hard enough... as if a little more resolve would have made a difference. Sometimes it's hard to remember that IVF isn't a final exam that you have to cram for. You do your research, find the best clinic you can afford, take the meds... but that's really all you can do. It isn't your fault if your numbers don't comply because there's really not a damn thing YOU personally can do about it. That's not really what you asked but wanted to share that shift in perspective because it really did make me feel better. Good luck!!!!

T

Oh the lack of control is absolutely the worst part. Where to start? Wine bottle? No? Okay - meditation? Yoga? They've helped me with some of my "anxiousness". Even if you realize that it's all out of your control, it's hard to let go - because if you're anything like me (and apparently mm), you take it personally. And that makes it all even harder.

Tania

Oh, the lack of control is sooooooooo frustrating!!!!!! I get tense just thinking about it, and I'm beyond it.

And it's so hard when everybody's clinic does things differently - it's impossible not to wonder if your chances would be better if things were done differently. It would be frustrating to monitored fairly infrequently, but I'm sure if they see something weird, they'll have you come in more often. I ended up coming in very often toward the end because I had sooooo many eggs growing so quickly.

Good luck on Friday - I hope everything is moving along just as it should!

Lindy

I certainly couldn't have said it any better. The not knowing is killing me. I'm trying to let go, since there's nothing I (or anyone else) can do at this point but wait. But my god is it hard.

Cali

hello my control freak, sistah! One of the (MANY) things I loathe about the ttc process is how little one is in control. Even if you start out being healthy & time up the f-ing or inseming you still can't control what happens within your hoo ha. hate that. I wish my uterus had an assistant that I could call & check with. That would help a lot.

Summer

In those times when I want nothing else but to be in control but know that I can't, I try to remember to "lean into the sharp places." I haven't figured out exactly what that means, but to me it's something like, don't ignore the pain, struggles, etc. you are going through but really let youreself feel it and in doing so you can let it go.

The quote btw is from Pema Chodron's book, When things fall apart.

millie

I agree that the lack of control is the hardest part of the process. As hard as it is to believe, it's going to be what it is. You can take your drugs, do some visualizations (see those follies getting big, just tell yourself you're taking the right amount of drugs and they're doing exactly what they're supposed to do) and just give it over as much as possible. Easier said than done, I know.

Hoping Friday gets here soon enough for you.

heleen

Try the Natal Hypnotherapy CD... www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk At first it annoyed me big time but once you get over the first resistance and annoyance and disbelief it actually works quite soothing and calming for a few hours... Also acupuncture helped me to deal with the out of control feeling. (Until I was so out of control that I fell out with the acupuncturist....)

OvaGirl

Control?

What is this strange word "control" of which you speak?


(Thinking of you.)
xxxx

fisher queen

Checking up on you every day. The lack of control thing just plain old bites.
I like the "leaning into the sharp things" quote.

DD

Not having the immediate gratification for due diligence is indeed very frustrating. You wait for follies to grow; you wait to trigger; you wait for implant; you wait the 100M years to take the HPT...it seems to never end, the waiting. That is where the control gets lost, and ironically it's with yourself.

I can only advise you to meditate. It's simple and can be done anywhere/anytime. The hardest part is not letting your thoughts center around your uterus. Instead, close your eyes and take a deep breath in thru your nose. Concentrate on how cool the air is at first and then how it warms as it enters your lungs; feel your chest cavity fill; hold; release thru your mouth slowly and deliberately. Repeat as necessary. I swear you the tension will become less and less apparent. Give it a try and see what happens...

DD

Not having the immediate gratification for due diligence is indeed very frustrating. You wait for follies to grow; you wait to trigger; you wait for implant; you wait the 100M years to take the HPT...it seems to never end, the waiting. That is where the control gets lost, and ironically it's with yourself.

I can only advise you to meditate. It's simple and can be done anywhere/anytime. The hardest part is not letting your thoughts center around your uterus. Instead, close your eyes and take a deep breath in thru your nose. Concentrate on how cool the air is at first and then how it warms as it enters your lungs; feel your chest cavity fill; hold; release thru your mouth slowly and deliberately. Repeat as necessary. I swear the tension will become less and less apparent. Give it a try and see what happens...

Liz

Not knowing is the worst! Although going daily for monitoring is a pain at least I don't have to worry about how I'm doing. Hope you get good news tomorrow.

zhl

Distract, distract, distract. Yoga, cookie dough, a relaxation CD, tea, counted cross stitch, complicated recipes--anything that takes up so much of your mind that the IVF fears can only have a small hold on you. Except for the cookie dough, most of the others are new to me and therefore more difficult and more likely to distract me. Good luck on Friday.

ManhattanAnne

OMG, NO wheat, no dairy, no sugar? That is all I eat. Is there really truly a connection to endo? Becuase is my latest cock-eyed self-diagnosis (for which I hope to be duely tested by the medical establishment). Anyway. I really really hope this cycle works for you Thalia. And I really thank you for your support lately.

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