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Monday, 05 September 2005

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Anna

I think it's hope that keeps us going, despite repeated losses and failures. It's funny how that works like that. I hope this works for you, too. It'd be great if you could get pregnant and not have to worry about IVF. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.

I do think there is something to learn in everything we're presented with, but bugger me to figure out what the hell it is. I also don't think there's necessarily a "positive side" to any lesson learned. Who said there's always a good thing? What, every cloud has a silver lining? I don't think that's universally true. Sometimes it's just a cloud.

I really wish you the best. And I thank you for leaving me good wishes, even though you are still going through these trials. That tells me alot about you. I wish you a glorious day, and all the success in the world. Be well. : )

Katie

I think that for some those become their catch phrases. They can't identify with what we're going through or want to bring cheer, so they tell us to look on the bright side. To look for the positive, to learn something, to believe everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes things just happen. If you can get through them in one piece, then I don't care how. You can spend a lifetime searching for the answers, the reasons. You may never find any. But, if you allow yourself to react and feel however you need to, at least you're being honest to yourself. I think some stay optimistic because they have to, it's hard to live on the other side.

I don't blame you for thinking you might get knocked up before IVF. I think I did that for almost 4 years!

Meg

I think it's always in the back of my mind every cycle, I would love to be an urban legand and get knocked up on one of our breaks from IVF.

zhl

I can't believe I didn't get the quote. One of my favorite plays; well, second to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.

I've been searching for meaning a lot over the last two years. I haven't found much meaning to the losses I've suffered, and I would happily give up whatever strength, compassion, understanding, or whatever meaning I may ascribe to this infertility journey to just have a baby. Maybe meaning is something that you can only find later, in hindsight.

I say enjoy it while you can. I haven't found a negative to be less painful whether I believed it would happen or not.

mm

I think you just believe whatever makes you feel less like jumping off a bridge... For me, some days that means believing that this will all work out, that I'll have a family eventually. And others, it means believing that I must have been a serial killer in another life and that I'm doomed to be IF for all eternity as punishment for my crimes. As for daring to hope that you may get knocked up w.o. IVF, who wouldn't? I think it's something that we all fantasize about. At least those of us who aren't looking forward to stabbing ourselves with hormones and emptying our bank accounts.

Nico

Thanks for checking in on me.

I'm glad you're okay, and looking forward. And I too am hoping that you're going to be a legend!

Larisa

I am always amazed at the ability of the women whose blogs I read to hope. It's so cyclic. I think the natural "fantasy" is so common and normal for everyone to want as well. I will hope for you too.

Loved the Venn diagram post, too - made me think of Six Degrees of Infertility.

Flicka

Thalia, I love your exegesis of that quote...I'm a English B.A. and I haven't read anything that good in a long time. Bravo!

Good luck with this cycle, I look forward to happily hating you!

OvaGirl

Thalia I would be cheering you on like a maniac if you were one of "those women" and got pregnant in the final moments before IVF. I've got fingers crossed that you'll do just that!

Teresa

Me too! I want to be that person who gets pregnant on a break... I totally get where you're coming from.

Good luck

elle

Wow, that was quite the literary review! Very interesting, it really resonated with me. Right now, I am in the low point, glad you are at a high. Maybe it's also yin & yang. Good luck!

millie

I think you'll be the Urban Myth. And we'll all say we knew her when...

Simone

I hope you are that lucky woman who get's knocked up naturally! And even better, knocked up before an IVF cycle. Does it happen?
I wouldn't even hate you darling! Promise! I would be cheering you on & proud to know a "Urban Myth" in the cyber flesh!
What news?

Jill

I certainly can relate to this post. Well said.

Hope you end up with two double lines at the end of this cycle so that there's no need for floor cake!

Sarah

Thanks for the insightful post. It really stuck with me. I’ve been mulling it over all morning! I just found your blog today and it looks like it was good timing. And best of luck becoming the “urban myth!” :)

Sarah

Thanks for finding me!

I've been finding that even though circumstances are different between losing a baby and infertility/recurrent miscarriage that some of the emotions are the same. And I guess it makes sense since both are losses… just at different stages. Losing the ability to get pregnant easily or maintain pregnancies easily is a loss of the child/ren that you’ve planned and hoped for, just as losing a baby late in pregnancy/in labor/soon after birth is a loss of a specific child that you sort of got to know inside you and then got to see and keep pictures of. And really any sort of loss (whether is infertility or neo-natal or something in between) mostly just really sucks and causes us to rearrange our entire world.

I hope you don’t mind the comparison of our situations… I know that beyond the common theme of loss that I do have things to be thankful and that right now I do expect to get pregnant again, which is something I know not everyone can expect.

Tania

Brilliant post.

I think your approach is perfect. And you have my permission to smack the next person (even if they are good-intentioned) who tells you that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and everything happens for a reason BS. There may be days when you yourself think that, but if you're not having one of those days, people shouldn't push you to have one!!!!!!!!

Hoping for an urban legend in our midst!

kate #2

I find that cycle of hope followed by denial followed by sadness reoccurring all the time in my life too. It must be hope that keeps us all going through this madness. Hang in there!

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