I'm bleeding. Yes, it's the 10 day luteal phase again. Almost precisely as it's currently 30 minutes past midnight in the UK. That's the second time my period has destroyed all hope on the stroke of midnight. Considerate, don't you think?
My temperature crashed this morning, our last morning on holiday, so I did know this was coming. Kind of put a damper on our last day of the holiday. But you know how you persuade yourself that of course your temperature could climb 0.6 degrees centigrade in one day? Yeah, I did that a bit today. I didn't really convince myself but I did do it. Because it's never over til it's over, even when you know it's over, right? I'm a moody cow at the best of times, this really really doesn't help. But now, with this blood, I have no choice but to believe that it's really really over.
We have an appointment with Dr Candour tomorrow, now this, morning. I'm going to ask why he's so convinced I don't need progresterone support given this crappy luteal phase I have, as well as going over everything that happened this cycle. Then we need to decide on a game plan. I'm unconvinced that it's worth trying IUI again. We might as well pull out the big guns. I'm also fairly sure that we won't be able to do IVF this cycle as I don't have the drugs ready to go and I'm sure we'll have to have another one of those bloody stupid induction appointments at the clinic before we can even get a prescription.
I'm so very very angry that they didn't do the insemination that it's hard for me to stop being angry long enough to type this. We had FIVE follicles! FIVE! And three days worth of do-it-yourself sperm deposits outside my cervix didn't do any good. So, either my eggs are crap, or there's a problem with my cervix, or the endometriosis has come back faster than expected, or there's a problem with implantation. That's four reasons why it might not have worked, but there were FIVE follicles! Couldn't we have had just one? Five months worth of trying in one go, and it didn't work. What hope do we have of this ever working?
I know you're all going to tell me that there's much more that we can do, not to give up hope etc. And I know that others have gone through so much worse than this so this is going to seem incredibly self-pitying and insensitive. I do know that. But right now I can't feel anything but hopeless. If I couldn't get pregnant with five follices and a two week holiday to do nothing but eat good food, relax, do yoga and swim a lot, what chance do I have of ever getting pregnant at all?