Thank you so much for the support over the last few days. As usual, your comments plus 24 hours spent almost entirely on the sofa (except for 2 hours at the gym, approx 30 mins in the shower and 8 hours in bed!), are all contributing to me feeling much much better. Actually, correct that. The day also involved an argument that started with a conversation about who was reading what bit of the paper that then turned into a huge row apropos the conception thing. Amazing how we can mess ourselves up that way, isn't it? When we'd both calmed down and I'd realised how upset he was (he never cries, and for the second time in 5 weeks he cried), we had a good talk and made a plan of sorts.
You are all right, I can see that this is an intolerable pressure-filled situation for H. He already had a problem, and now a problem has become the problem, at least as far as we know. Given that there is now no way we can get pregnant this month, we've resolved to use the time to just fool around, get comfortable sexually again. Hopefully that will help.
To those who asked, he does have a prescription for an ED drug. It's not V*iagra, it's one of the others which is supposed to be more gentle. However, I now know that these drugs are only a miracle if the problem the man has is physical. They don't do much, if anything, if the problem is psychological. Yes, if he starts feeling turned on they help by increasing blood flow, but his brain can just as easily cut that off again. So they helped the first month he took them because he believed they would fix him, but now they pretty much seem to have no effect. Because of trying to get pregnant, the problem he had which was "oh shit what if I don't get an erection," has become "oh shit what if I can't ejaculate".
As you all said, roll on the IUI. If I'm not in the room, i.e. it's not about penetrative sex, he usually doesn't have a problem so the IUI should be ok. Having said that, I'm sure his brain can come up with some way to scupper things but I'm going to conveniently forget that that is a possibility for now.
I'm resisting the urge to bake. I love to bake, but if I bake we eat my baking and I'm already half a stone (7 lbs) heavier than when we got married, and I'm determined not to get fat again. H is overweight, but he's also incredibly fit and muscly so not a huge issue, although it's obviously not good for him to get fatter. But this hole I feel in my life seems to want to be filled with sweet baked things (and not simply chocolate, which is my usual poison). I guess what this is telling me is that despite having managed a huge dose of will power last year, I haven't fixed my issues with eating and food.
Anybody got any satisfying baking recipes that I can make and not make us both fat?