I didn't ought to be let loose in a bookshop, ever. This includes amazon so I'm not quite sure how I expect this edict to be policed on my behalf, but take this as a cry for help. I went into Books etc. this afternoon to buy books for a baby party we're going to tomorrow. I came out having spent £86.24 on books. I bought a new novel I want to read. I bought some books for my nephew, and I bought a bunch of books for the baby: Each Peach Pear Plum, Peepo, That's not my lion, Dear Zoo, Rosie's Walk, We're going on a bear hunt, and Hairy Maclary from Donaldson's dairy. Pretty much my standard list. I know she's not ready for them yet, but I like to start building children's libraries early and all these are absolute classics, and I have yet to meet the baby who didn't love them at some point.
Note this is not a baby shower (we don't really have them in the U.K.), since the baby is already 3 months old, but a party to welcome her into the world. I'm looking forward to it in a way, since the father is a good friend who I met through work and haven't seen much of since they moved to Denmark. Of course part of me knows I'll be sad, but I think in this instance I'll be able to cope.
That depends, of course, on what happens tonight. H. and I tried to be good this month, after not even trying last month. We started going to bed early each evening and fooling around around the time my period finished, hoping to build up feeling relaxed about sex. But today is the positive OPK day and we haven't yet had penetrative sex this month. So the pressure is on, and I know H. is tense. Part of me thinks I should just give up trying and wait til after the operation next month, but how can I do that when every month my eggs are getting older? Last month I screamed and cried and did my monthly mourning on ovulation day rather than on the first day of my period, but I felt the same sadness, the same feeling of loss for the baby that wouldn't be due on 30 December, or ever.
I know I don't get this right. I get anxious and that winds H up even more. I'm our own worst enemy. Well, we've got a dinner reservation and I think it's a day to relax my moratorium on alcohol. We both need a drink!