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Friday, 08 April 2005


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I'm so sorry you both have this added stress on top of it all. Thinking about you.


We had a terrible time with this and eventually stopped overtly trying for two months; in some respects, a male factor diagnosis "saved" us because it took some of the pressure off - well, one type of pressure. I hope that it gets better for you soon.


I'm no psychotherapist, so forgive me if I'm wrong on this, but I'm just thinking in terms of the general concept of the impact of repeated failure on future success--each time he "fails," it will do more damage to his emotions and confidence, and set him up for more failures in the future. It seems to me like it would be a good idea to do whatever is necessary to get a string of successes going. And maybe that starts with Suz's suggestion, to take a break for a while first. I'm coming in late to the discussion probably, but what about Viagra? Has he talked to a specialist about this problem (either a urologist, or a male therapist)?

Even with men who don't normally have a problem, infertility can create problems. I can only imagine how much more stressful this is to your husband (and to you, obviously). One thing that we did is collect a bunch of specimens and put them on ice at the clinic. That way, I knew that we always had frozen specimens for an IUI if, for some reason, we just couldn't make it happen and ovulation was imminent. Just knowing the specimens were there took so much stress and pressure off!

Wishing you luck in dealing with this. I'm sorry you have this added pressure.


I'm sorry it's so difficult right now.

IF caused some huge "performance" stress with my husband. Is there anyone your husband can talk to? A professional or maybe the RE? I don't know ... most men have such a tough time opening up about stuff like this. I don't mean to give assvice.

I hope things get better quickly.


So sorry to hear about the addeded stress. Like the others said, breaks are often a good idea. It can help once you get to iuis as well, because that kind of takes the stress of everything else. Thinking of you.


UGH! This happened to my Dh when we first started trying, too. I don't remember how it got better.. so long ago. I think by taking breaks. I hate to say "IUI" but, there, I've said it. Poor guy.


Poor guy indeed! I think it gets to them all in the end as it really hits them where it hurts. They think it is a failure on their part.

Much love, patience and reassurance required which is not always easy on our part. I used to get really pissed off that I was the one doing injections and feeling the worst of the side-effects but he was the one feeling bad. Deep breaths.


It's difficult. Difficulty on top of difficulty.

The only thing I can suggest is that intercourse not be part of sex for awhile. Everything else, go for it...just not that. I don't know if that will ease the pressure any, but maybe...and also, use the missionary position. Gravity, blood flow, and all that...y'know. It can help.


Just found this post...egads...I've been through this, too. Okay, this is going to be somewhat graphic, but here goes.

Back before we knew that my tubes were blocked, if J was too stressed, tired, peeved, or whatever to have sex during my fertile window, I'd tell him to go and fire up the porn sites and rub one out...bring me the procedes in a sterile container, and I'd use a 3cc syringe to get the goods to where they needed to be.

Now while this may sound distasteful to some, he actually said this took the pressure off of him to perform and he was actually pretty damned happy to do it this way.

I was a bit stunned, but heck, I wasn't going to miss a single month's opportunity to get knocked up. Sadly, being my tubes were later found to be blocked, it was all pretty much in vain. Oh well. :-)

I hope you two figured a way around this for yourselves.

Good luck tomorrow!

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