One of the reasons I had such a hard time this last cycle is that my sister-in-law is due on 17 March, and I was hoping I'd be pregnant before then so I wouldn't feel so horribly sad and jealous when the baby was born. I know I will be able to be happy for her, my brother, my nephew and the new baby, but I'll also be struggling to feel ok about myself.
My best friend is also pregnant, with her third. She got pregnant by accident and really didn't want another baby, let alone another girl - she has two girls already and thought she was done. Last night I spoke to her and got a hard time for not having called for a while. Now that's not entirely my fault as she hasn't exactly been ringing me every night. I have a more than full-time job, travel all the time, and am feeling sad a lot of the time about our lack of a pregnancy. She is a stay-at-home-mother, who lives in the house of my dreams, in the neighbourhood of my dreams, with the two (soon to be three) daughters of my dreams. So it would be nice to get some empathetic "how are you, I've been thinking of you". But that wasn't forthcoming. I heard about their ski trip, her husband's trips away, and her planned trip to a spa before the baby is due. I offered to accompany her on that trip and then it turned out she'd already agreed to go with another friend. So I feel hard done by about that, too.
Then this morning I went to check the 'buddy group' that I've been posting to on a ttc board, to find that one of the other women just got her bfp. She already has two children, and this is only the second month she's been trying. I'm struggling to feel good for her at all.
Why has this situation turned me into a bad person?